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The Best Spa Procedure 

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Clarissa

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Since I’m not going to a resort, I decided to visit the spa for a nice, relaxing procedure. As I was browsing the list of services they offer, I realized that the only procedure I want is the one where they bring me to a room with dimmed lights and quiet music, and then everybody leaves me be so that I can stare at the wall for an hour. Yes, I know there’s a work of literature about this.

I’m friendly with the spa owner and I could definitely ask her to rent me one of her rooms for an hour. She knows that I’m.  . . erm.  . . eccentric. But there is a distance between eccentric and full-blown crazy, and I don’t want to cross it in too much of a rush.

10 responses to “The Best Spa Procedure ”

  1. Evelina Anville Avatar
    Evelina Anville

    Maybe just rent a nice hotel room? You could put a “spa music” app on your phone and play it, draw the curtains, maybe order some nice tea from room service. And then you stay as long as it makes you happy. A hotel room is about the same price as a spa treatment and there is no rule that says you must spend the night.

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    1. Dreidel Avatar
      Dreidel

      “A hotel room is about the same price as a spa…”

      Hah, like watching a 2-D movie about a spa experience — nowhere near the thrill of the real thing, nor the potential for madness…

      Go for the real thing. Just make sure that the spa room is absolutely silent — that there’s nothing on the wall like an a old-fashioned analogue clock that goes TICK-TOCK with every movement that its mechanical second hand jerks across its face, and no leaky faucet that goes DRIP-DRIP, slamming into your brain every time that gravity overtakes the water’s accumulating weight. Nothing to cause you to inhale the accumulating steam ever faster into your terrified, gasping lungs.

      Otherwise, lady, you’re a good candidate to end up in a permanent rubber room before the hour is up.

      As an academic, you’re well versed with the literature on this. Well, as a retired psychiatrist from the bad old days, I’m familiar with the case histories of all the patients who naively checked in to situtations like this — but they NEVER checked out.

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      1. Clarissa Avatar
        Clarissa

        I’m fine with faucets but ticking clocks do have a history of driving me nuts. 😆

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    2. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      That’s precisely what the woman in the short story did.

      Does anyone remember the title? The woman would come to a hotel room to stare at the wall. And the duration of her stays increased and increased. It’s a famous feminist short story.

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      1. Dame Eleanor Hull Avatar
        Dame Eleanor Hull

        Doris Lessing, “To Room Nineteen.”

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        1. cliff arroyo Avatar
          cliff arroyo

          And here I thought she was referring to The Yellow Wallpaper…

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          1. Clarissa Avatar
            Clarissa

            Both sound familiar. I’m very lousy with names and titles.

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        2. xykademiqz Avatar
          xykademiqz

          I just read “To Room Nineteen.” Wow. I wish I could say I didn’t know exactly how the protagonist felt, wanting to just be rid of endless obligations and left the eff alone.

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          1. Clarissa Avatar
            Clarissa

            It’s one of the most famous feminist pieces in the world because so many women identify. There are no regional, age, linguistic, religious, etc differences that transcend the relevance of this story to women. 🙂 If you want to connect to a woman, show her the story, and it’s a done deal. 🙂

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          2. Shakti Avatar
            Shakti

            It’s endless banal horror.

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