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Bickering

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Clarissa

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Kids bicker like their lives depend on it. Which they kind of do in evolutionary terms. I spent years not understanding evolution but after observing kids it all became very clear. They fight for every crumb of attention and recognition from an adult like it’s the Battle of the Somme.

Finally, unable to withstand any more bickering, a desperate adult screeches, “OK! Let’s go to the ice-cream place!” After a second of stunned silence, the kids begin to bicker more desperately than ever as to who will get more scoops and toppings.

3 responses to “Bickering”

  1. methylethyl Avatar
    methylethyl

    Ice cream… there’s your problem right there. Mine bicker too, but I just send one to do a chore in one end of the house, and the other to do some other chore in the opposite end of the house, repeat as many times as needed, until they can be in the same room without sniping at each other. We are gradually shortening the time it takes for them to put a lid on it.

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      The little darlings do it in the car. Precisely when you have no escape. They are smart. 🙂

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      1. methylethyl Avatar
        methylethyl

        Haha, yeah, the car is a tough one. I think mine are older than the ones you’re dealing with, but there is a conversation we have often, while pulled over in the nearest available roadside parking lot:

        “OK, guys! When we drive around, we are all crammed into a little metal box, going at highly unnatural speeds– so if we all want to make it home alive, there is one important rule: Don’t distract your driver! What is the rule?”

        “Don’t distract the driver.”

        “Great! I’m so glad you guys are listening! OK, why don’t we distract the driver?”

        “Because we don’t want to die.”

        “OK, so, if your brother says something factually inaccurate about the F-18 jet, is defending the facts worth everybody dying for?”

        “No.”

        “Wonderful! Now let’s all get home in one piece, and you can hold onto that important debate point until the car is parked safely in our driveway.”

        (synchronized sighing and eye-rolling from the backseat)

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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