Somebody said today that I’m Ukrainian first and Jewish* a very distant second. This is strange, he said, given how close I was with my Jewish father and how distant with my Ukrainian mother.
Thing is, though, my Jewish father was also always much more Ukrainian than Jewish. He was definitely tons more Ukrainian than my mother. So this argument doesn’t work.
The actual reason is that you can’t unilaterally appoint yourself a member of a group. Yes, some men declare themselves women and tower over female competitors on a podium where they get their fake awards. But normal people don’t do that. They don’t go where they aren’t wanted. And I’m mostly normal.
As a kid, I never had a Ukrainian friend stop asking me over because she discovered I was half-Jewish. I never had Ukrainian relatives use anti-semitic slurs around me. I never had to justify my appearance to Ukrainian acquaintances. Nobody ever said I’m not a real Ukrainian because of my Dad. But I did have all these experiences over being half-Ukrainian with Jewish friends, relatives, colleagues. I get it, it’s fine. I look Jewish like Megan Markle looks black. If you stare really hard and also squint a little, you can definitely see something.
The point I’m making is that it’s stupid to inflict yourself on a group that doesn’t want you even if you have legitimate claims to belonging. It’s gigantically more stupid to do it when you’ve got none.
* I’m talking about being Jewish purely in terms of ethnicity. And yes, that’s a real thing that shows up on DNA tests.
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