Clarissa's Blog

Do you mean right now or the whole thing?

Right now is actually better than ever. Which is not a high bar to cross but I’ll take it. For example, back in April when I had my surgery, she said, “Enough about me. Right now what matters is that your surgery goes well.” This was very unusual. Never happened before. I always thought it was likelier I’d praise Putin for his deep humanity than that my mother would pronounce such words.

Then in May, my sister, my mother and I had dinner at a restaurant. And we ate. And talked. There was no weeping and gnashing of teeth. No drama or recriminations. It was strangely normal. And at the end my mother actually paid. My sister was very disconcerted.

“It’s OK, she’s trying to be motherly, so just let her,” I explained.

“Huh,” said my sister.

It’s unusual at my age to experience a motherly mother for the first time. I never had a mother like Klara has a mother. Like when you are five and you scrape your knee and she comforts you, and hugs you, and puts on a bandaid. I never had that.

Kara said recently, “Mommy, I know I’m grown but I still love it when you sit next to me when I fall asleep at night. It makes me feel safe. It’s like feelings of peace and comfort emanate from you, and it helps me to fall asleep.”

I never wanted my mother to sit next to me as I fell asleep. I wanted the exact opposite. Peace and comfort was not what she emanated.

So yes, good, good developments. Wonders truly never cease.