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Lost Friends

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Clarissa

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It never occurred to me to end relationships with left, far-left, or far-far-left people in my life. Such thought never visited me. But three people so far ended their relationship with me because I revealed I’m now conservative. And I don’t have that many people in my life to begin with.

A fifteen-year friendship where we’ve truly been through some hardcore shit together. All erased to the point where she couldn’t even put a heart on my post on FB about the anniversary of my son’s death. Let alone send a text message. Turns away from me in the street. And all because I criticized one policy by Governor Pritzker. That’s the extent of her exposure to my beliefs. Fucking Pritzker is why out friendship is over. I listened to a decade and a half of her expression of her far-far-left beliefs, and I didn’t drop her over that.

And yes, it hurts.  Also, yes, it’s not everybody. I’m deeply grateful to people who are not like that. But it’s incomprehensible to me that you can just erase people from your life because they don’t like one policy by one stupid Pritzker. There wasn’t a conversation, an attempt to debate. A switch has been flipped and, bam!, you are gone. Three times it happened already.

We are not the radical ones here.

57 responses to “Lost Friends”

  1. ed Avatar
    ed

    I think this is happening even between families. Like daughter not speaking to the dad anymore. It’s all very sad.

    I saw this coming a while ago with how post-modernism was being implemented. Many people live in their own bubbles that constantly re-inforces their believes, and if you’ve out of that bubble, you’re an outsider an no longer a friend, or family. We used to watch the same news, watch the same TV shows, read the same books. Not everybody has their own personalized pre-selected shows, books, etc.

    I don’t know what it’s going to take to break out of these bubbles, but they’re definitely a thread to the nation state. I wonder if this is unique to Democracies; maybe authoritarian regimes don’t have this problem since nothing is personalized?

    Like

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    1. methylethyl Avatar
      methylethyl

      Have watched this happen in my own family: school trained my niece to think her own dad was literal Hitler. Because he watches Tim Pool and is worried about the sketchy trans roommates who trashed her apartment, skipped out on the rent, and left her holding the bag. Anybody who doesn’t 100% affirm all of her terrifying life decisions (we are seriously hoping she survives to 25 right now, because she’s been immunized against listening to anybody “religious” or “conservative” and that’s 100% of her family, who actually care about what happens to her).

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
      1. methylethyl Avatar
        methylethyl

        –this isn’t even about losing friends. We’re deeply afraid this kid is going to end up dead before 30 as a direct result of far left inculcation received in school.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        1. mitchellporter Avatar
          mitchellporter

          How would she die? By ending up on the street?

          Like

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          1. methylethyl Avatar
            methylethyl

            OD probably. Plenty of other scenarios leap to mind, but all of them involve drugs. Already had a few close calls.

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          2. methylethyl Avatar
            methylethyl

            I realize drugs are a problem for everybody, but deciding that your entire family are evil, and separating yourself from every hand offering to help because religious people are evil and men are evil and anything remotely conservative is evil and only your gender-confused friends really accept you for who you are so you have to cut off all connection with anybody who doesn’t enthusiastically affirm your every teenage whim: that started way before the drugs. And, coincidentally, all the danger-hair nosering, genderfluid crowd: way into recreational drugs.

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            1. mitchellporter Avatar
              mitchellporter

              I am tempted to offer to help, because I think I could enter into the worldview of both sides. Let me know if you do want to share more information.

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              1. Avatar
                Anonymous

                I’ll read anything you care to offer, if you’ve any experience in reaching these people.

                -ethyl

                Like

              2. mitchellporter Avatar
                mitchellporter

                When I try to envision your niece’s new affiliations, and why they would be dangerous, I guess I think of nightclubs, private parties in student houses or in the apartments of young professionals, and thereby coming into contact with drug dealers and “Pulp Fiction” personalities… Is it like that?

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              3. Avatar
                Anonymous

                No, you’re thinking of middle and upper class people with money.

                These are people who have on-and-off jobs at taco bell and the Dollar General, and spend their free time getting high at home, don’t have cars because they don’t drive and won’t get a drivers license, and live in squalor.

                Like

      2. methylethyl Avatar
        methylethyl

        dunno how the end of that sentence got lost.

        Anyone who doesn’t affirm her in every way, is now the enemy. It’s heartbreaking.

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        1. mitchellporter Avatar
          mitchellporter

          (continuing from the other sub-thread)

          Is the drug problem basically fentanyl? These working-class or lower-class people are in danger because some percentage of their local street drugs are tainted with fentanyl?

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          1. methylethyl Avatar
            methylethyl

            Not directly. Fent contamination is a big problem, and for any frequent user who is strapped for cash, buying something contaminated, eventually, is inevitable. But this is a crowd that mostly vapes THC in large quantities constantly, and indulges in “pills” (any and every psychotropic prescription med can be purchased from people who re-sell them. There are also fake lookalikes manufactured in mexico) recreationally.

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            1. mitchellporter Avatar
              mitchellporter

              OK, thanks for those details. I could also ask about the race and religion of everyone involved, as well, and the social class of your niece’s family, but let me move on… Like I said, I think I could probably talk to both sides here, but that’s just because I would eventually be able to understand their life assumptions and existential situation. In life, I have been reasonably successful at entering sympathetically into other people’s worlds, but I can’t say I’ve ever had much success at convincing people to think or act differently.

              Youth fleeing the strictures and compromises of society for the perilous freedom of a new society based in bohemian poverty is at least as old as modernity. Your niece’s new family may be a clan of queer socialist gamers, or some other subculture that didn’t exist before the 21st century, but the pattern is old. And if it’s not that exact archetype that’s playing out, I’m sure it’s a similar one… Am I on the right track here?

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              1. methylethyl Avatar
                methylethyl

                As much as I know you mean well, I’ve tried several times now to give enough information to understand the situation, without dropping a whole Jerry Springer episode here and violating a lot of people’s privacy… and I’m not sure it’s possible. Thanks anyway.

                Like

  2. ed Avatar
    ed

    By the way, they caught the murderer. Seems like a pretty vanilla white guy.

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      “Bullets found in the chamber of the rifle reportedly used by Robinson included apparent left-wing slogans such as “Hey fascist! Catch!” and another referencing “Oh, Bella Ciao!” a popular Italian anti-fascist song, Utah Gov. Spencer Cox said.”

      https://nypost.com/2025/09/12/us-news/tyler-robinson-full-of-hate-before-charlie-kirk-shooting-says-family-friends/

      If he was radicalized online, then once again nobody else will be held responsible.

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. ed Avatar
        ed

        This reads so childish to me:

        “notices bulge OWO what’s this?”
        “Hey Fascist! Catch!”
        “Bella Ciao”
        “If you read this, you are gay lmao”

        I don’t even know what to say about it. It does seem he was radicalized online. It’s something you’d read on Twitter or Reddit.

        My hope is EVERYBODY tones down the rhetoric. Fascist, Nazi, communist, socialist, etc. should not be words to throw around lightly.

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        1. methylethyl Avatar
          methylethyl

          How many of us were *not* a bit childish at 22?

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          1. Avatar
            Anonymous

            ”How many of us were *not* a bit childish at 22?”

            Most of us were. We were also lucky to not have parents raise us in a gun culture that made it so easy to reach for one to help us express our feelings.

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            1. methylethyl Avatar
              methylethyl

              I was raised in a gun culture. My aim’s all right, and I’ve still never shot anything but cans and paper targets.

              What’s changed in the 20+ years since I was young and stupid, is the attitude toward disagreement, not gun culture.

              Liked by 1 person

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            2. Avatar
              Anonymous

              The shooter used an older model hunting rifle. Unless there’s some hard-core gun stuff from his family’s social media that I missed, it seems like they are an outdoorsy, hunting and fishing family of a type that has been living near national parks and plces like St. George since at least the 1950s.

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              1. Clarissa Avatar
                Clarissa

                Liberals have two grand narratives of violence. Guns and mental illness. They use these grand narratives to hide behind them from life’s complexity.

                Liked by 1 person

              2. Avatar
                Anonymous

                Responding to “Liberals have two grand narratives of violence. Guns and mental illness. They use these grand narratives to hide behind them from life’s complexity.”

                Life is complex and young people feel intense emotions. Being raised in a culture where guns are used and easily accessible merely makes it more likely that a young person would use a gun in a moment of passion. Or weeks or months culminating in one.

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              3. Clarissa Avatar
                Clarissa

                Did you see the videos? It’s hardly a moment of passion. He made a very complex plan. He prepared. He took time to decorate the bullets with slogans. He hid the gun in his pant leg. He planned the escape route.

                Which specific moment from all this was one of passion?

                If there was ever a stone-cold killer, this guy is one.

                Liked by 2 people

              4. methylethyl Avatar
                methylethyl

                Say you’ve had no contact with firearms ever, without saying you’ve had no contact with firearms ever.

                Seriously. HE WAS 22. A legal adult. AFAIK no criminal history. He could buy that gun from any gun shop anywhere, just like you and me. Walk in the door, look at guns, say “I want that one” fill out the required ATF forms, and leave. People buy and sell used firearms.

                You’re using his choice of a gun he likely purchased as an adult, to make a fairly large leap to what that particular gun choice said about *his family*, as though he were 12 and must have snuck it out of his parents’ closet. Maybe it was just 30% off that week?

                Meanwhile, he appears to have been a member of DSA, and his family reports that he had taken a worrying turn to the far left recently. That seems far more relevant than whether his family were outdoorsy types. You don’t even need to go there for a reason to think his family was OK with firearms: his dad is a cop, who is required by his job to train with them regularly. Is that a bad thing? Should parents be forbidden to work as cops, because their kids might be exposed to the big bad “gun culture”?

                I have like 50 cousins and I’m pretty sure they all learned to shoot by 16. Not one of them have ever shot anybody. I mean, I wouldn’t try skulking around their houses wearing antlers or anything crazy like that, but maybe get out and like, make friends with some outdoor sporting people? Go to a shooting range? It’s fun. I promise.

                Liked by 1 person

              5. Clarissa Avatar
                Clarissa

                Even The Guardian has already confirmed that he was very leftist and recently radicalized. Apparently, he called Kirk a fascist previously.
                There’s every evidence here that this was planned and ideological.

                The real issue is that it’s become normalized that if you don’t agree with somebody it’s ok to call them a fascist and wish death upon them. If one tries to tell people that it’s not OK to celebrate a person’s assassination, they feel completely justified in pushing back aggressively. That is very disturbing. That’s not a normal state to be in. We have a whole segment of society that has completely dehumanized the opposition.

                Liked by 1 person

              6. methylethyl Avatar
                methylethyl

                (apologies for garbled reply, I appear to have conflated two different anons)

                Like

              7. oldcowboy3 Avatar
                oldcowboy3

                methylethyl

                Yeah, I am horrified, absolutely horrified, that I exposed my innocent wife not only to “gun culture” hunting and fishing, but actually considerable “outdoorsy” campfires, tenting, and canoeing. It’s truly amazing that we didn’t all murder each other ;-D

                Liked by 1 person

              8. methylethyl Avatar
                methylethyl

                @OldCowboy

                You know it’s the guns right? You must’ve really lucked out that a gun never leapt off a table and shot you or your wife! Think of the danger you exposed her to 😲

                Liked by 1 person

              9. methylethyl Avatar
                methylethyl

                ” young people feel intense emotions.”

                I notice over the last couple of days, that this seems to be a paid talking point, and part of the intense backpedaling from people on BlueSky who thought they were talking to a friendly audience of their own, suddenly being noticed by mainstream normie America:

                “It was just a moment of emotion: we didn’t really *mean* it when we said we wanted you all dead, and called for the murder of literally every public figure who shares some of the views of 60+% of Americans! Truly, just a momentary outburst! As one does…”

                Sure, Jan.

                Liked by 1 person

            3. methylethyl Avatar
              methylethyl

              https://babylonbee.com/news/gun-ranges-call-for-common-sense-democrat-control

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              1. Avatar
                Anonymous

                I think y’all are misreading my hunting and fishhing comment. I was arguing AGAINST the person who was saying it came from being a gun nut. I hought the “unless there’s something I missed” would make that clear.

                Like

              2. methylethyl Avatar
                methylethyl

                @anon: I realized that after I hit reply! Alas there is no edit option.

                Like

        2. oldcowboy3 Avatar
          oldcowboy3

          ed

          The problem is that there were communist radicals that led much of the social unrest during the 60’s and 70’s, and some actually ended up as professors in the humanities. I may have grinned, but that was not a joke.

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
          1. Clarissa Avatar
            Clarissa

            When I found out that Kathy Boudin, a murderous psychopath terrorist, had a teaching appointment at Columbia… I have no words. They should have invited Jeffrey Dahmer to teach a course on culture appreciation and just be done with it. Probably literally because he could’ve eaten the students.

            Liked by 2 people

            Reply
            1. oldcowboy3 Avatar
              oldcowboy3

               And Bill Ayers was a professor of education at the University of Illinois-Chicago. His wife. Bernardine Dohrn was a law professor at Northwestern University.  The two were the founders and leaders of the Weather Underground terrorists.

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              1. Clarissa Avatar
                Clarissa

                None of these universities want me. Only true scholars are a good fit for those venerable institutions.

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              2. oldcowboy3 Avatar
                oldcowboy3

                Yeah Kid, that must be it…but it is not just the humanities.

                Still he is rude enough to grin and say, “Yeah, Give Whirled Peas A Chance,” and still get her phone number ;-D

                Like

      2. ed Avatar
        ed

        So heart breaking for his family. The all seem like very decent people with a good nuclear family. The dad even took the gut wrenching decision of turning his son in:
        https://www.rightjournalism.com/breaking-tyler-robinson-22-busted-for-kirk-killing-due-to-dads-heroic-action-heres-how-the-father-saved-the-day/

        It’s like, as a parent you can do all right, and still get a fucked up child.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        1. methylethyl Avatar
          methylethyl

          Everybody needs to be asking here: what happened to this kid at school? Who were his teachers? Not all this crap happens online.

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
        2. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          They clearly didn’t do anything right, having raised an assassin. I feel bad for them but it’s undeniable that they created him and made him what it is.

          Just on the very basic level, how do you not know that your own son is in such a state he’s about to murder somebody?

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          1. Avatar
            Anonymous

            They were concerned, apparently.

            But I’m seeing his mom was a social worker, and… given the political demographics in that profession, I have questions.

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            1. Clarissa Avatar
              Clarissa

              Yeah… There’s a lot we don’t know still. People leap to a lot of conclusions about “a happy family” because of a bunch of FB photos. As if anybody puts photos of family dysfunction on FB.

              N’s neighbors thought N’s family was happy and normal, if a tad too accident-prone. People don’t know what happens in families. We can only judge by results. The measure of parenting is always in results. Especially in such a young boy.

              Liked by 1 person

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          2. Avatar
            Anonymous

            Do we know that he still lived at home and saw his parents often?

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            1. Clarissa Avatar
              Clarissa

              Good question. He dropped out of college after 1 semester in spite of apparently being very bright. Did he have a job? What did he do in life? Who sponsored his daily needs?

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              1. Avatar
                Anonymous

                expect that’s being looked into very minutely right now.

                Like

              2. cliff arroyo Avatar
                cliff arroyo

                “dropped out of college after 1 semester in spite of apparently being very bright”

                Isn’t he about the age when schizophrenia begins manifesting?

                Not an excuse but a possible (partial) explanation.

                I’m guessing there was some kind of break in that semester, whether it was external or internal or a combination remains to be seen (or it could have been not long before the semester and he quit because college wasn’t making it better….

                Just armchair theorizing at this stage

                Liked by 1 person

              3. methylethyl Avatar
                methylethyl

                @Cliff: late teens/early 20s for men, yes.

                Like

      3. Avatar
        Anonymous

        Those markings are from video games and video game memes. Interpreting them as leftist is about as dumb as deciding they’re part of the groyper wars with Nick Fuentes.

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          What is personally at stake for you in accepting reality? What part of your personality have you tied to the need to deny that people who call Charlie Kirk fascist and want him dead are all on the left?

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
          1. Clarissa Avatar
            Clarissa

            Groypers, by the way, are not celebrating. They are grieving. Leftists are celebrating, thereby radicalizing the future Tylers.

            This is horrible, inhuman. People need to stop.

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  3. methylethyl Avatar
    methylethyl

    Speaking of former moderates:

    https://x.com/jayplemons/status/1966181262349226011

    The dude is not a conservative. This is where we are.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. Physpostdoc Avatar
    Physpostdoc

    Most people do not want friendship of equals. They need people around who can nod along like sheep in the echo chambers they have created for themselves.
    Finding security by firmly being in the middle of a herd has roots in evolutionary biology. People exercise it, however, not just socially but mentally too and find Independent thought/thinkers scary or, at least, disconcerting.

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  5. overgrownhobbit Avatar
    overgrownhobbit

    If ones friend truly did not know that her friend had values and beliefs diametrically-opposed to those she freely shared: The revelation is of a betrayal. “Everyday, even in our shared Sloughs of Despond”, you hid yourself from me!” Few people understand the grey necessities of living in a Soviet state until it is visited on them. Some do, and resolve to be an apparatckik.

    Just as terrible is the growing divide, as you or your friend shift ever more or less to the left of any of the dominant political consensuses. A quiet agreement to not speak of this or that topic is created. Meanwhile the more leftist breaks the rule and is granted grace, but should the less-leftist do so, no matter how small: implosion. The more-lefty in this abusive power dynamic becomes ever more monstrous.

    Such a one worships at the altars of the evil gods in the world. Only a miracle can rescue him from what he’s bound himself to.

    For those not so bound: how to forgive a bad-thinker: https://ljagilamplighterwright.substack.com/p/revenge-is-mine-saith-the-lord?

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  6. cliff arroyo Avatar
    cliff arroyo

    “never occurred to me to end relationships with left, far-left”

    I remember (mumble mumble) years ago when I worked in a big bureaucracy, one of my co-workers was a _very_ devout Southern Baptist (from Georgia…. yeah… serious) she planned on tithing the rest of her life and more than once let out a spontaneous ‘Praise the Lord!’ when we got good news… which didn’t happen often).

    Anyhoo, every other person in the office (4-6 at different times) were doing things that she thought were immoral and she didn’t hide it at all… we knew she disapproved and why. But still, everybody (including me) really liked her a lot and we all got along great. She didn’t dwell on and constantly articulate her disapproval and we didn’t dwell on how weird we found Southern Baptist… beliefs (trust me…. they. are. out. there.).

    When did Americans lose that ability, to like and get along with people with very different beliefs?

    I really think that is a ‘both sides’ issue…. Rush Limbaugh was a _really_ toxic figure in his day (I think people forget that now it was…. bad…. really bad).

    But in recent years the left has definitely taken the lead in trashing relationships for the sake of ideology.

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    1. Pen Avatar
      Pen

      It’s been getting more and more extreme through the years, too. A lot of people don’t actually follow political extremes, but more and more they’re dividing and refusing to converse as if they do.

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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