What They Actually Want

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Clarissa

September 29, 2026

The Jane Doe in the Cornell gang rape case texted one of the alleged assailants shortly after the drunken orgy that she had enjoyed the sex and wanted to meet up again.

Can somebody put all of us out of our misery and explain to young men that young women do not want random sex? The only thing they want is a relationship. Can somebody also explain to young women that having random sex will not give them what they want, which is a relationship?

All of this unnecessary drama, starting from the notorious Mattress Girl and culminating in this recent event, stems from this one gigantic misunderstanding. The reason why these young women are saying they did not consent is because what they thought they were consenting to was a relationship. Once the relationship didn’t materialize, they get upset because random sex was not what they were consenting to.

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One response to “What They Actually Want”

methylethyl

September 29, 2026

It’s been 25+ years since I was in college, and it was like that then. I didn’t get it then, either. All the girls I knew seemed to think that sex was a mandatory entry fee for having a relationship, and the boys I knew– even the nice ones– seemed to regard it as a freebie where if they liked the gal, perhaps they’d see her again but… it certainly wasn’t necessary to like the girl to enjoy her favors if she was offering. Makes sense on the guys’ side I guess (“hey, free stuff!”) but on the gals’ side it’s always looked more like a futile arms race (oh no, if I don’t give him free stuff like everyone else, he won’t be interested!).

The great mystery is why anybody still gets married at all. But there’s a small minority of very persistent young people who, in the face of tremendous negative pressure, still understand the game and keep their priorities straight. Some of the key ingredients there seem to be religion, and parents with healthy marriages. Looking around at the younger people I know who’ve successfully run the gauntlet… you have to have at least one of those, and it helps to have both. The ones who have religion but also divorced parents are feeling their way heroically through how to be a good parent/spouse without a good model for it, and the ones who have happily married parents but not religion are mostly not having kids. So… I’m not sure family formation happens in the long run without religion. There are obvious exceptions, but… they seem to be getting rarer. I’d love to see stats on that.

PSA, guys and gals: Consistently, over time, the people who report having the most sex, and being most satisfied with it, are (drumroll)… monogamous married religious people. Ignore the propaganda, and look at the numbers. You will not be a campus hottie when you’re forty. Act accordingly.

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