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Funeral Customs

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At a funeral, the attendees usually go to the place of one of the grieving family members and eat. One of the obligatory dishes is called kutia. It’s a really yucky dish of gloppy rice, raisins, and some other crap. But there is also a lot of very nice food. We started preparing this gathering, but my mother’s best friend got in touch and reminded me that her last wish was not to have a gathering. He’s right. After he mentioned it, I remember that it’s true. What my mother wanted is for my aunts to make a lot of little pies with apple filling and give them out to that attendees at the funeral.

This is not a stock photo. These are the actual pies my aunts have made for the funeral:

Given that I can’t have any baked goods, I can’t help wishing that my mother had asked for individual kebabs instead of the pies.

6 responses to “Funeral Customs”

  1. el Avatar
    el

    My grandmother died at the hospital like your mother in Canada.

    One of the best things was that we did not have to prepare anything regarding the funeral. Hevre Kadisha told us the time and place , and buried her at the same day she died (since she died at night and Jewish tradition demands fast burial). We only attended without having to worry about a thing.

    Then we went home. During 7 days of shiva at home people come to visit, without having to prepare food for them. Obviously, one gets leave from work during it for 1st degree relatives at least.

    Hugs,

    El

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      My parents wanted to be buried at a cemetery that’s about an hour and a half’s drive from Montreal. It’s a very small town in the north of Quebec, so that makes everything more complicated. We have to drive there to meet with the funeral home director, select the coffin, bring the burial clothes, etc. On the day of the funeral, we have to make sure that the priest gets there in time. There is no permanent priest in that little town. We’re bringing one from Montreal, and it just happens to be a big Orthodox holiday, so he would be doing a big service at his own church in the morning.

      We’ll end up having to transport ourselves, the children, the ants, the wreaths, and the little pies, plus additional flowers to decorate my father’s grave on the day of the funeral. My aunt calls me constantly for clarifications of the process.

      I’m not in the least complaining. It’s actually good to have things to do. In the situation, I simply want to share what is going on.

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  2. cliff arroyo Avatar
    cliff arroyo

    “kutia. It’s a really yucky dish”

    I’ve had the Polish version (associated with Christmas) made with wheat berries instead of rice and a lot of poppy seeds… it’s like a gourmet dish for horses. yech…

    “I can’t have any baked goods”

    A parting shot? Metaphorically giving everyone but you something to eat?

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      I’ve also been disinherited. This confuses people. Because she didn’t have much of a relationship with my sister, while I was always there, calling twice a day, sleeping at the hospital, etc. People expect my sister to be disinherired, but no, it’s me.

      I’ve known this whole time, so this isn’t news.

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      1. Random Reader Avatar
        Random Reader

        Your mother sounds interesting. I will pray for the repose of her soul and for you. By the way, I rather liked kutia when I tried it in Poland, but then I like strudel with the poppy seed filling, which is what it reminded me of.

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          The Ukrainian one, at least in my part of Ukraine, doesn’t have any poppy seeds. Not that any kind of rice is relevant to me at this point in life, but even when I could have it, the sweet, glumpy rice felt disgusting.

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