Great news! Bernie is going on the stump with Hillary. I never doubted he was going to come through for the cause.

If somebody had told me back in the USSR that I would have a little American baby and would feed her avocado puree as her first solid food, I’d be. . . very confused. I had no idea what avocado was, of course. 

My aunt told me that her son’s first solid food was borscht. I find that admirable in its sheer Ukrainianness but I’m not ready to go that far.

Yesterday, Klara found the word “potato” to be hilarious, especially when I pronounced it in an exaggerated and funny way: “pou- tate-oh-oose.” She was laughing so loudly that half the supermarket came running to see such a happy baby.

Today, potatoes are not working to make her laugh, so I came up with the word “billieboomtsa.” She is laughing like she just invented the concept of laughter. This is why I don’t mind how much that daycare costs. I’m paying to be able to spend as much time as possible with this adorable little person, making up funny words to make her laugh and playing with her.

Also, I detest people who can’t achieve a satisfying domestic arrangement and blame it on patriarchy, society, Santa Claus, or little green people in orange suits. I especially hate it when they infect professional spaces with their losership. It’s OK to bitch to a girlfriend that you can’t get your husband to do the dishes (although it’s still better to discuss the issue with the actual husband). But engaging in these sorry acts of exhibitionism in professional publications is beyond pathetic. It is even more pathetic to try to make yourself look more noble by attaching some theory to what is simply personal failure.

I hate domestic martyrs, hate them. Don’t want to do the laundry? Don’t do it. It’s easier to wear dirty clothes than to coexist with a self-sacrificing martyr who makes you feel guilty for every vacuumed carpet and every folded T-shirt.

Words like “autistic, Asperger’s, bipolar, asexual, etc” have absolutely no meaning whatsoever. If people choose to apply them to themselves to advance their understanding of themselves or in conversations with mental health professionals about themselves, that’s great. But using them to diagnose others when those others haven’t asked you to is simply a way to feel superior. 

If your relationship sucks, stop trying to analyze, figure out, diagnose or enlighten your partner and concentrate on yourself. Stop asking if she acts this way because she had a difficult childhood or if he acts that way because he is autistic. These are entirely meaningless questions. You might just as well ask if he is moopla-schmoopla. Ask instead if your needs are being met in this relationship,  and if not, then why you choose to be in such a crappy relationship. 

Asking why your partner treats you like shit is a pathetic way of trying wrestle power away from them. It’s based on the illusion that if you get to name their disorder, you will stop being a loser in yet another failed relationship and will become a person endowed with superior knowledge who is in control.

In short: stop asking “Why does s/he” and start asking “Why do I.”

Portugal beat France in the final game of Euro 2016! 

✡✡✡🍾🍾🍾🍹🍹🍹💃💃💃💖💖💖

I didn’t watch because with an infant in the house, some things have got to go because there is no longer any time for them. Soccer had to go in my case. But I’m super happy that Portugal beat France. Yay!

The banker called us to say that thanks to the Brexit, the interest rates have dropped and we can refinance again. 

Didn’t I say from the start that the longer Europeans play their nationalist games with dismantling the EU / the UK / Spain, etc and then putting them back again, the easier it will be for us here in the US to leave them far behind?

When Klara sees me begin to mix her formula, she starts pointing to her mouth as if to say, “Here! Place the food right here! The food goes right here, I’m telling you.”

If I tarry, she grabs her tongue with her fingers, then opens her mouth wide and tries to stuff both her fists into it. I can just imagine her thinking, “And these are the people charged with taking care of me! Unbelievable. I’m showing her very clearly where to put the food, and she still doesn’t get it. Place the food in the mouth, lady!”

I get emails and questions about this all the time, so I want to put my answer up as a separate post.

There is absolutely no reason to be anything other than luminously happy in your relationship with your partner. There is absolutely no reason to accept anything but joy, comfort, love, acceptance and happiness in your domestic arrangement. There is absolutely no reason to live in a war zone. There is absolutely no reason to accept anything that doesn’t make you profoundly happy in your personal life.

Women! If you are bent on feeling accepting and understanding, get yourselves a puppy and you’ll get to be plenty understanding when he pees on your carpet and chews up your shoes. But the project of fixing a grown man and turning him into somebody more similar to a fantasy partner you have dreamt up is a waste of time. Plus, it’s condescending as hell. Start being accepting of your own needs and look for a fellow who is already what you want. Don’t treat people like DIY projects.

Men! If she is reluctant to see you again and is not actively trying to jump your bones every chance she gets, this means she doesn’t want you. You are not wanted. Yes, you can probably bug her to the point where she will sleep with you or go on a date with you just to shut you up already, but that’s pathetic. Have respect for yourself. Don’t view your body as an unwanted old sack of shit that you are trying to palm off on reluctant buyers. It is absolutely possible to have sex without having to beg and humiliate yourself. Just stop for a moment, breathe deep, and let yourself be wanted.

There is no reason not to be passionately desired for the rest of your life by the person you passionately desire. No. Reason. At. All.

Rammstein’s lead singer Till Lindemann has made a career of saying how apolitical he is. His Putinoid fans decided that since the singer is so reluctant to voice an opinion, they’d voice one for him. They created fake images of Lindemann wearing a T-shirt with Putin’s face and made up posters of fake quotes where Lindemann slavishly praises Putin.

So now Lindemann is braying like a wounded mule, explaining how he is not a Putin supporter.

Moral of the story: if you refuse to have a voice, others will speak in your name and you might not like what they have to say.