Rapping Sarah Palin

N. and I spent the entire day today doing immigration-related things. One of them was getting our passport-size photos done at Walmart. This always takes forever because the pictures come out wrong and you have to redo them. And then they still come out wrong.

So to pass the time, we picked up Sarah Palin’s autobiography Going Rogue. Within twenty seconds we were rolling on the floor with laughter. I’ll just share a couple of quotes with you and you’ll see what I mean.

What are you trying to do, slay the golden goose? But when the boom went bust, the golden goose still ruled the roost.

Just try rapping this passage and you’ll see why it’s absolutely priceless. And if you think this is an isolated sentence, think again. The entire book is exactly like this. Every single sentence has at least one hackneyed ancient cliche. Most sentences have three or four of them.

Of course, when I got to the following statement, I realized that this book had been ghost-written by somebody who simply hated Sarah Palin and wanted to sabotage her:

My BlackBerry vibrated me back to work.

I imagined saying something like this in class tomorrow and it became clear to me that the person who wrote this had some personal grudge against poor Palin.

Why Are Some People So Fixated on Sarah Palin’s Pregnancy?

There is a really fun discussion going on in my Stupidometer post between Brad Scharlott, the person who is planning to publish yet another boring book that will obsessively analyze Sarah Palin’s most recent pregnancy, and your favorite blogger. For those who are interested in why some people have this decidedly unhealthy obsession with Sarah Palin’s reproductive apparatus, let me explain how this works.

Between the ages of 2 and 3, a child goes through what is known as the Oedipal stage of development. This is a moment when the child begins to formulate his or her gender identification and figure out his or her place within the relationship between his or her parents. If any sort of trauma accompanies this stage of development, the child will remain fixated on this stage and will keep replaying the “Mommy, Daddy, and I” drama over and over again.

People who never managed to pass successfully through this stage of development are the same folks who always end up being part of love triangles. Have you ever met a woman who always seems to fall for married men? That’s where her issues come from. At the same time, such people also see figures as authority as their absent Mommy and Daddy. They endlessly rummage in the personal lives of politicians, movie stars, etc. because this allows them to relive their Oedipal crisis over and over again. Have you ever met a man who seems obsessed with when Sarah Palin’s water broke?  He is simply manifesting his profound desire to stick his head under his Mommy’s skirt. The same individuals who promote the insane Babygate stories are also hugely interested in whether Sarah Palin and her husband will get married or divorced and whether there has been cheating in their marriage. They seem to hate Todd Palin even more than they do Sarah Palin, which fits perfectly with a textbook description of the Oedipal fixation.

This is why we need to be very attentive to our children in the crucial years of their development (between birth and 3 years of age.) People who don’t manage to pass successfully through any of the developmental stages will relive the trauma for the rest of their lives. And then you will see those sad middle-aged folks dedicating their existences to endless discussions of politicians’ uteri.

Palin Pregnancy Deniers Gain Traction

Do you remember how I told you about this freaky group of conspiracy theorists who are bent on proving that Sarah Palin’s youngest child isn’t really hers? Those creeps who have spent years poring over Palin’s photos taken during her pregnancy trying to analyze whether “this is how pregnant women really look”? The ones who keep staring at the kid’s ears through a magnifying glass to see whether they have changed over time?

As long as they remained a marginalized group of crazed woman-haters, nobody needed to care much about them. However, certain pseudo-feminists have now started paying attention to these freaks and offering them a platform to vent their frustrations arising from not being allowed to rummage around in Palin’s underwear as much as they want. Recently, Hugo Schwyzer has decided to lend credence to this movement of Babygate (their favorite word) conspiracy theorists and went on the blog of one of their most rabid representatives, Lora Novak, for an interview.

If you decide to read the interview, you will see that every question Novak asks is that of a passionate anti-feminist who could care less about Palin’s politics. All that motivates her is the hatred towards women who manage to have children, extremely successful careers, and remain strikingly beautiful. What saddens me is that Hugo Schwyzer would try to attract his immense fan base to the website of this anti-woman conspiracy theorist and lend credence to her crazy ideas by entertaining fantasies about Babygaters’ unreasonable scenarios:

 If she did pretend that her daughter’s baby was hers, she did something that would be entirely in keeping with her faith and her frontier ethos.   This isn’t new.  A hell of a lot of children have grown up being told that their mothers were their older sisters, and that their biological grandmothers were their moms.

It is truly hard to find anybody who dislikes Palin’s politics more than I do. However, I would never participate in fueling the Babygate insanity by suggesting that it made an ounce of sense. I don’t remember a single discussion of whether a male politician’s children are actually his. Taking into account that it is a lot easier to be mistaken about who a kid’s father is than to doubt the identity of the mother, it is obvious that Babygaters are motivated by nothing other than their passionate hatred of women.

My blog doesn’t have nearly the popularity of Hugo’s (yet). However, when I blogged about Palin’s pregnancy deniers, I refused to link to their blogs. I didn’t want to attract attention to their vile anti-women propaganda and promote them by sending my readers to their anti-feminist  resources. I only wish that other people who claim to be feminists thought twice before offering support to woman haters of Novak’s ilk.