Clarissa's Blog

Whenever a single officious, plodding and completely brainless administrator who is enamored of pseudo-psychological buzzwords culled directly from the Dr. Phil Show appears on campus, the following stupid policies begin to proliferate:

ACADEMICS at RMIT University have rebelled against new behavioural requirements on staff to be “positive” and “optimistic” and team-focused, claiming it undermines free academic inquiry.

The new “behavioural capability framework” is included in new staff work plans and performance appraisals. It includes such exhortations that a staffer “promotes the positive rather than the negative and remains committed and effective in the face of setbacks and adversity”. It asks staff to be “resolute” and “passionate”.

We all have seen eager administrators try to enforce citizenship, community spirit, kindness, enthusiasm, good mood, etc. It does not even occur to these simple creatures that you cannot make people feel positive or experience passion by force. Academics usually treat such earnest fools with the compassion normally reserved for the brain-dead.

In the meanwhile, the promoters of positive thinking and the collectors of silly buzzwords take all the power on campus in their own hands. While we try to hide our sarcastic smiles during meetings for fear of offending their non-existent sensibilities, these idiots pass regulations that are nothing short of humiliating. Soon, we will not be allowed to show up on campus without a huge, idiotic grin on our faces.

I suggest we stop being nice towards them and subject them to loud and vicious ridicule whenever these plodders come out with their ridiculous initiatives. Let’s greet every suggestion of “enforcing citizenship, promoting sustainability and requiring positivity” with loud laughter. Let’s make these unintelligent, uneducated creatures remember that their job is to see that the toilets are well stocked with toilet paper and to ensure that they keep very quiet on matters that they are not capable of understanding due to their limited brain power.

P.S. Yes, I have special reason to be extremely annoyed with such stupid administrators today.