An Immigrant Rebellion

So, folks, have you heard of this new thing when you buy a plane ticket online, pay for it, and then are required to call the airline and pay them $20 more so that this plane ticket actually counts? And if you don’t know you have to of that, then the airline doesn’t care that you paid for your ticket and expect to board your flight?

Here is what happened. I arrived in Toronto on time, but when I tried to board my flight to Montreal, there was no seat for me.

“We oversold the flight,” the airline’s rep said in an accusatory voice. “Come back tomorrow morning and we’ll see what happens.”

“It’s 3:30 pm,” I said. “I need to be in Montreal today.”

“That’s your problem,” the rep said, twitching in a very pissy way. “You didn’t buy your seat, so this is your fault. And this isn’t just you. These people aren’t getting on the plane either.”

I looked at “these people”, and an unpleasant suspicion visited me. An Indian young lady, an elderly Chinese couple who had almost no English, an Arab man of about my age with a painfully apologetic smile on his face, a Sikh gentleman, a middle-aged Korean woman, two Hispanics – there wasn’t a single Smith or Archambault among this bunch. Was the airline overselling its flights and then choosing people with unpronounceable last names who are probably recent immigrants and, hence, not likely to protest?

The Indian woman, in the meanwhile, was trying to attract the rep’s attention in a polite, quiet voice.

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” she rustled. “Could you help me?”

The rep was walking past the woman like she was so much furniture.

And this was when I lost it.

“Follow me!” I roared, and we all trudged to the airline’s customer service.

“We are all leaving for Montreal today!” I yelled. “And we are getting compensation. The maximum! Now!”

The reps tried protesting but whenever they opened their mouths, I vociferated, “You are causing me extreme distress and great inconvenience! We need our tickets and our compensation!”

My sister was text-messaging me every 5 seconds during this discussion.

“See?” I yelled, shaking my phone at the reps. “People are expecting me, and you have caused them great distress, too!”

This was where the reps broke down, gave us all tickets, $800 per person, $45 in meal vouchers, and a heartfelt apology.

So now I’m getting a pedicure at the airport spa and waiting for a masseuse to give me a massage.

The moral of the story: don’t mistreat immigrants in my presence, or you will see the wrath of a Ukrainian woman.