The “but men and women are different!” freaks tend to become more active during weekends. Today, I already spammed 4 comments from 3 different ones. Their extreme loneliness and an incapacity to form healthy, loving relationships becomes more intolerable on weekends, so they go online to reaffirm that the way of thinking that is causing them so much grief is valid.
The only cause for a protracted misery in one’s personal life is entertaining one or several erroneous beliefs. Removing them will cure the problem once and for all and give one a blissful personal life. Sadly, people prefer to look absolutely anywhere for explanations of their problems to avoid looking inside themselves.
Clarissa's Blog 
Yes, the idea that women are not the same species as you are, in effect, but embody some weird condition of emotionality rather than reason, means you project your nonsense into them and then when it becomes so far removed it is impossible to deal with.
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What is especially funny is that these freaks leave highly emotional and often hysterical comments insisting on their extreme rationality. The comments are filled with block letters and exclamation signs. But their self-awareness doesn’t extend to being capable of reading their own writing and guessing what an impression it will make.
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Yes, they are half people, and a half person can have no self-awareness. You would have to be whole for that. If you think your emotions are embodied in women, however, you do not have control over either women or your emotions and nor can you. This produces a state of hysteria.
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“Before you can say ‘I love you’, you need to be able to say ‘I.'” 🙂 Such an incomplete human being will always keep looking for somebody to complete him. But that search is doomed in advance. In order to create a profound relationship with a person, you first need to become a person and not a fragment in search of completion. Love will not come to reside in an unfinished building.
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Certainly. But I think the bigger problem is not that they cannot find love but that they project their own emotions so far away from them — into another gender — that these become inaccessible. How will they recall them once they have been projected out?
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“How will they recall them once they have been projected out?”
– Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, etc. In short, the results will not be good. Any denial of a part of the self carries a stiff penalty. I know this very well because I spent years trying to anesthetize my emotions through a variety of unhealthy ways. I can say with confidence that this is no life to live.
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It’s very, very difficult to know when one is projecting, especially when this has become habituatl. I remember the point when it suddenly became apparent to me that I was projecting out my competence into significant males. Then I recalled my competence and made it my own.
Unfortunately, cultural Christianity teaches people to project out various attributes into the other gender. Whereas women may lose their sense of their own authority that way, men lose their emotional lives. It can be very, very difficult for men to realize that their own emotions are their own. They can become so used to seeing them “out there”, that they have forgotten how to relate to themselves.
In a way, this is a very, very harsh regime they have unconsciously accepted. Cultural Christianity.
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“I remember the point when it suddenly became apparent to me that I was projecting out my competence into significant males.”
– SO TRUE. I was doing the same but with the opposite vector. I was projecting my incompetence and helplessness and then violently rejecting them. The moment of understanding that this was what I was doing changed my life dramatically. I still vividly remember that realization.
“Whereas women may lose their sense of their own authority that way, men lose their emotional lives. It can be very, very difficult for men to realize that their own emotions are their own.”
– It is very very tiresome to have to constantly help men socialized in this model (which is pretty much all of them) to process their emotions. It’s a fucking full-time job! So yes, I’m with you on everything you say here. This is the most idiotic socialization model I can think of. Everybody suffers, everybody ends up overburdened and insincere. It’s 4:30 pm here and since we woke up today, I’ve done nothing but help my husband process his emotions. In the meanwhile, I have many of my own in need of processing.
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Or there is this man I know who loves to repeat, “I have no anger whatsoever. Don’t even know what it feels like to be angry.” And it’s clear as day to everybody that this is the most rage-filled person they have ever met. He is beyond angry and has no idea about that.
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Or, again, my husband when I first met him announced to me that he was incapable of feeling jealousy. And then I spent time with him and discovered that he gets extremely jealous even when I stop to admire a beautiful tree. Now he can’t explain why he ever thought he was not jealous.
And so on.
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I prefer to help men to permanently find their emotions. This whole object relations thing (see the British object relations psychoanalysts) where the mother becomes “a container” for the child’s projected emotions (in other words she has to process the immature emotions for him, and give the requisite facial expression that applies to them) ought not to go beyond infancy.
If a grown man tries to get me to do the work of a mother, I push him back onto his own resources by demonstrating that there is no organic link between the words he says and the manner in which I can understand them — in other words I become the quintessential ANTI-MOTHER. If the man is alert, he will be able to understand that what he takes as being a natural relationship between men and women is not so. Women do not automatically understand his emotions. He has to understand them for himself.
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“I prefer to help men to permanently find their emotions. This whole object relations thing (see the British object relations psychoanalysts) where the mother becomes “a container” for the child’s projected emotions (in other words she has to process the immature emotions for him, and give the requisite facial expression that applies to them) ought not to go beyond infancy.”
– You are preaching to the converted, sister. 🙂
“Women do not automatically understand his emotions.”
– Women don’t. I do. I’m cursed with extreme brilliance and incomparable insight. But this is precisely how I convinced him not to quit his psychoanalysis: I said I was not going to continue carrying this burden unless I saw that he was actively seeking for ways to remove the burden from my shoulders and put it where it belonged.
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Well good luck with that. I found the only way was to simply stop performing the function. But you have a whole weight of others’ cultural training against you. This is a cultural issue at the basic level, not directly a psychological one.
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This is so powerful. It is very sad that so many people choose to live in a fake and ultimately toxic reality.
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Our goal is the spreading of feminists debates and discussions world-wide!
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“Our goal is the spreading of feminists debates and discussions world-wide!”
– That’s a great goal! I wish you every success.
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I have a story about just that for you! Call me!
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