Clarissa's Blog

8 responses to “Crazy TV Fans”

1. 

   Jones

   May 19, 2015

   Thus ends the “baroque period” before television becomes really, really strange to lure in the viewers?

   I can see the future of television …

   There’ll be the new crop of reality television shows, such as the war classic, “Whose Landmine Is It Anyway?”, in which they show the viewers how to disarm land mines and unexploded ordnance in war zones. I’m looking forward to “Green Zone Taxi”, in which they show you the life of Western mercenaries driving around VIPs in war zones. They don’t hand out 100 dollar bills with that one, but instead have the passengers help spot potential threats, and the winners are the passengers who make it alive to their destinations. (For some odd reason, Dan Rather appears to enjoy being on this show as a frequent guest, and they’re considering a Hall of Fame for their most frequent guests, mostly out of respect that nobody seems to have managed to kill them off.)

   The quiz shows will become bizarre as well, especially panel shows. “Parliamentary Questions” will be a new show where the people will decide whether a seated MP will remain in office, or whether the MP deserves the humiliation of further public inquiries. (BBC will have to upgrade the red button further for this one.) Television quick loan companies will sponsor “Forgive and Forget”, a show where people who are over-leveraged on four-thousand-plus percent interest loans can compete with each other to determine whose debt will be forgiven by the lender. Of course, they’ll have to prove that they had the intelligence to avoid such interest rates, but that they went into those loan agreements anyway.

   Even television news will become bizarre — “Newsnight Island” will feature a survival show involving television news presenters who have been voted off their shows by the viewers. After showing the viewers that they can be genuine, understanding people that aren’t merely pretty faces reading teleprompters, they’re allowed back on their shows, with the added bonus of being able to choose one person from their network to “come to the island”.

   It’s not all great though — “Have I Got Bad News For You” features real people receiving life-changing news, complete with smarmy commentary and ridiculous background music. (Technically, since this is in fact a news show, the presenters are eligible for serving an indefinite time on “Newsnight Island”, but few people are aware of this technicality.)

   I’m looking forward to some of this, mind you, because once the “baroque” period of television is well and fully over, we can get on with what television is really about, which is all of the gaudy spectacle that Guy Debord warned us about … 🙂

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   1. 

      Clarissa

      May 19, 2015

      Did you come up with this on your own?? This is brilliant, man.

      I’d totally watch “Newsnight Island”, especially if it involved the contestants eating bugs and doing other bizarre things to prove themselves.

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      1. 

         Jones

         May 19, 2015

         I told you I’m a writer … I came up with the entire lot. 🙂

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         1. 

            Clarissa

            May 19, 2015

            You are a gifted writer. This is very good.

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            1. 

               Jones

               May 19, 2015

               Actually, I’d watch “Newsnight Island” as well, especially if Terry Wogan were brought out of retirement so he could be voted onto the island … 🙂

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   2. 

      Shakti

      May 19, 2015

      There’ll be the new crop of reality television shows, such as the war classic, “Whose Landmine Is It Anyway?”, in which they show the viewers how to disarm land mines and unexploded ordnance in war zones. I’m looking forward to “Green Zone Taxi”, in which they show you the life of Western mercenaries driving around VIPs in war zones. They don’t hand out 100 dollar bills with that one, but instead have the passengers help spot potential threats, and the winners are the passengers who make it alive to their destinations

      “Whose Landmine Is It Anyway” and “Green Zone Taxi” sound like a great fit for CNN or the Military Channel or even as a game embedded in
      Commander Fox.

      “ChatRussianRoulette” airs live online and randomly flips between smartphones and web cams which are loaded with explosives, acid or a firearm operated by a killdrone randomly programmed to murder one participant every 1/x spins. Or it randomly deposits money linked to a participating smartphone/web cam every 1/x spins. Highlight episodes can be paid for in cryptocurrency. If you are featured in and survive for more than x episodes you get a crack at the larger cryptocurrency pool. It’s a cult classic.

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      1. 

         Clarissa

         May 20, 2015

         Who could have guessed that this post would bring forth so much talented commentary. Truly, I have the best readers ever.

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      2. 

         Jones

         May 20, 2015

         No no, what signals the end of the “baroque” period is that what I’ve described will become mainstream television …

         War Nerd will be tuning into the Military Channel so he can get some relief from the shock troops on the popular channels.

         Besides, there’s also the all-too-in-your-face realism factor …

         DAMMIT WE TOLD YOU NOT TO CUT THE RED WIRE

         [cringes while the camera gets splattered]

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