So remember the manipulative fellow with kids and his girlfriend from our “Relationships” series? The jerk dumped her, and in a very nasty way, too. The little weasel did all he could to keep sucking out as much feeling of self-importance from the situation:
We had brunch Thurs morning, drove in a leisurely fashion to a nearby city, had a pleasant afternoon indoors before a delicious dinner and a fantastic outdoor concert. Yesterday, we made our way back here, with a stop at a picturesque location and, serendipitously, lunch with one of my friends; we had dinner last night with my sister, brother-in-law and niece. Then, since we were borrowing a friend’s convertible for the evening, we drove around afterward in a sweet ride, enjoying the evening.
And then he apologized to me for not being able to be the person I wanted him to be. The end.
Of course, after this sort of “apology” begins, one should just get up and leave immediately and never have any contact with the person again for the simple reason that the tit of human kindness should at least be contingent on the person actually wanting to be with you. That’s not what happened, though:
Doesn’t matter what I want, of course. It’s never a negotiation. We talked and he listened, but it wasn’t as if he was going to change his mind. I could feel him pulling away these last few weeks in subtle little ways and, once again, I was right.
Friends. We’re good friends. That’s what he wants. Of course. Because I’m a fucking good friend. He wants to talk to me every now and then, get together for dinner when I’m in town to visit Cool Friend, because we’re friends. And I should call him later, he says – probably because he does care that he’s hurt me and he somehow thinks that will make things better.
The guy is just a total gift of God to humanity (I say sarcastically, for those who are not taking too well to the current heat wave.) He must have been stomped on many times by women in order to get so nasty and needy.
I’m very very sorry that this blogger is suffering because I’ve been reading her a lot and have grown somewhat emotionally attached. She is obviously a fantastic person and does not deserve all this suffering. I know exactly what it feels like to find yourself in the same damn romantic situation for the bizillionth time and not to have any clue as to why your relationships always end in the exact same pathetic way.
Tragically, this woman’s situation will not improve until she realizes that Mr. Jerkwad is not asking her to call “because he does care that he’s hurt me.” All he wants is to keep feeding off her attachment and her pain. But she, of course, will call and feed the loser some more and then there will be another jerk to nourish, and so on.
This is very frustrating.
Knowing how to be loved is just as much of a skill as loving.Some people just never get an opportunity to acquire that skill or to realize that this is what they are missing:
And I try to understand and I do. But I still hurt. And I wonder why I can’t have what I want, why it seems that I am always aching for something I can’t have, why I’m never enough for any man.
This is all very sad.
Clarissa's Blog 
Tragically, this woman’s situation will not improve until she realizes that Mr. Jerkwad is not asking her to call “because he does care that he’s hurt me.” All he wants is to keep feeding off her attachment and her pain. But she, of course, will call and feed the loser some more and then there will be another jerk to nourish, and so on.
Yes.
He just wants her around as a “friend” so she can continue to service his emotional needs and ego and he’s counting on the fact she’s not over him by any means, and he’ll dole out little bits of hope and if-onlies and what could have beens. Even if she is over him and dates other people, he’ll use the afterglow of that relationship to prop up his ego between girlfriends. It’s pernicious and nasty and it all looks so gentle and reasonable from his end and so enlightened to other women.
Of course he wants a relationship where you make all of the effort, with you inviting him to dinner while you’re in town and you calling him. He doesn’t even want to make the effort of friendship.
Block him, sweet blogger and do not look back.
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“He just wants her around as a “friend” so she can continue to service his emotional needs and ego and he’s counting on the fact she’s not over him by any means, and he’ll dole out little bits of hope and if-onlies and what could have beens.”
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I’m betting she knew this was going to happen from the second she game him a second look, which is why she game him a second look instead of walking off the lot a long time ago.
The sad thing is that if he were a better person she wouldn’t be trying to have a relationship with him. Is there any evidence that she’s aware of her own role in this?
As they say, it takes two to foxtrot (to avoid the T word).
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While here, I’m also thinking she’s locked into a relationship model where there is a dumper and a dumpee and she’s comfortable with the dumpee role, not that she likes it all the time but it’s something she’s familiar with and so she’s clinging to it.
The idea of simple leaving without hysterics (hers or some guys) does not occur to her.
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“While here, I’m also thinking she’s locked into a relationship model where there is a dumper and a dumpee and she’s comfortable with the dumpee role, not that she likes it all the time but it’s something she’s familiar with and so she’s clinging to it.”
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Knew? Well he did warn her by dropping heavy anvil hints.
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They weren’t hints, they were reassurances. If he didn’t make it clear he was going to do exactly what he did she would have been out the door long ago…..
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She is old enough to see where this was going but she decided to wait it out until he dumped her. I’m sure this wasn’t her very first boyfriend and it seems like this story keeps repeating itself (judging by this post and her preceding posts).
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OK, people, I’m not seeing enough in terms of hating the boyfriend here. The guy is a total jerk irrespective of what the woman has or hasn’t noticed.
The whole point of my post is to show the younger generation what a jerk looks like. Whenever one sees the kind of behavior that the guy demonstrated, one should run away immediately. And that’s all I’m trying to say with these posts.
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“The guy is a total jerk”
So? Jerks gonna be jerky. The honest love of another person won’t change that one little bit.
There’s no way to control a jerk’s behavior. All that any healthy person can do is recognize “Aha! A jerk!” and walk off the lot (used car sales metaphor).
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This woman is obviously not recognizing him as a jerk and thinks that he is doing all this out of concern for her. You’d be shocked at how many people seriously think that all this “I’m not the kind of person you want me to be” and “let’s be friends” blather is a sign that somebody is a good, kind human being.
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“This woman is obviously not recognizing him as a jerk”
That’s where we differ, I think she recognizes him as a jerk and that’s why she’s investing so much in this “relationship” with him.
Talking about how terrible he is will only make her cling more tightly to him, telling her straight out what a silly little twit she’s being might (eventually) make an impression.
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“That’s where we differ, I think she recognizes him as a jerk and that’s why she’s investing so much in this “relationship” with him.”
“Talking about how terrible he is will only make her cling more tightly to him”
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