Russia’s Ministry of Defense has created a detailed plan of how Russia could destroy the entire US military in 3 weeks. The Kremlin is counting on the support of the US Evangelicals who will ally themselves with ecologists to help with this plan.

Hey, before you say anything, when was pornography realistic or reasonable?

19 responses to “Porn for Putin”

  1. Dreidel Avatar
    Dreidel

    “when was pornography realistic or reasonable?”

    Well, when was religion, Evangelical or otherwise?

    Like

  2. The Dark Avenger Avatar
    The Dark Avenger

    I like this suggestion:

    Let me enumerate the ways in which this man makes sense as a candidate. He’s only 62 years old—not as youthful as Barack Obama, but still well within the age range for POTUS. He has proven experience of leading an aggressive, declining, former military superpower bristling with nuclear weapons and suffering from eating disorders and a tendency to binge on breakaway republics when nobody is looking. As a former KGB Colonel he understands the needs of the security state like no US president before him, except possibly George H. W. Bush (a former Director of the CIA); he’s exactly the right man to be in charge of the NSA, post-Snowden. As a Russian he clearly likes his tea, so he’ll go down well with that wing of the party. Nobody can accuse him of being soft on terrorism, or communism, or gay rights. Nobody can question his virile, macho manhood either, not with his state-run press agency circulating photographs of him bareback-riding a bear. He’s an instinctive authoritarian, a daddy figure, totally in love with god, guts, and guns—and if anyone says otherwise he’ll put powdered Polonium in their soup.

    http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/2014/04/books-i-will-not-write-yet-ano.html

    Like

    1. Clarissa Avatar

      Hilarious. I love it, thank you! 🙂

      Like

      1. Stringer Bell Avatar
        Stringer Bell

        Given the republicans’ love for Putin, that may be a real suggestion!

        Like

        1. Clarissa Avatar

          Yes, they have some sort of a crazy obsession with him. And he loves them, too. Dubya coddled him like they were soul mates.

          Like

    2. Dreidel Avatar
      Dreidel

      I agree, Putin would make a better President than Obama for the next 15 months, until Rubio is sworn in.

      Like

      1. Clarissa Avatar

        Don’t even say that as a joke. I don’t even want to imagine what Putin would do with the US military arsenal.

        Like

        1. Jones Avatar
          Jones

          “We’re bringing back 7.62x51mm so American soldiers can bulk up their muscles by carrying around heavier ammo cans …”

          There, I did that for you. 🙂

          Like

  3. Dreidel Avatar
    Dreidel

    Or perhaps pictures do make the point better…

    Like

    1. djiril Avatar

      I saw another one of these where Obama was holding a koala. It was especially funny because there are pictures of Putin holding the same koala at the same event.
      http://www.buzzfeed.com/hayesbrown/heres-a-bunch-of-world-leaders-holding-koalas#.ltjkzejEJY

      Like

      1. valter07 Avatar

        Well, when Putin becomes the President of the World, you will not be allowed to mention that shameful koala incident anymore.

        Like

    2. The Dark Avenger Avatar
      The Dark Avenger

      Great line yesterday about the current crop of Republicans, excepting Christie, because he didn’t join in the chorus of post-debate screams and tears:

      Speaking about candidates’ big talk about handling Vladimir Putin, he said, “They say, when I talk to Putin, he’s going to straighten out. And then it turns out they can’t handle a bunch of CNBC moderators.”

      “If you can’t handle those guys, I don’t think the Chinese and the Russians are going to be too worried about you,” the President concluded.

      Like

      1. Clarissa Avatar

        “Speaking about candidates’ big talk about handling Vladimir Putin, he said, “They say, when I talk to Putin, he’s going to straighten out. And then it turns out they can’t handle a bunch of CNBC moderators.” “If you can’t handle those guys, I don’t think the Chinese and the Russians are going to be too worried about you,” the President concluded.”

        • Brilliant comment. Thank you for quoting it. It had somehow passed me by but it’s absolutely spot-on. If these folks believe that a journalist was too mean and hurt their feelings, they are so not ready to act on the world arena.

        Like

        1. Shakti Avatar
          Shakti

          I died laughing when I heard Lindsay Graham threatening to physically beat up Putin. The job is POTUS, not bar bouncer of the free world.

          Russia’s Ministry of Defense has created a detailed plan of how Russia could destroy the entire US military in 3 weeks. The Kremlin is counting on the support of the US Evangelicals who will ally themselves with ecologists to help with this plan.
          That sounds like a terrible plot prompt for Putin slash. And yes, there’s lots of Putin slash.

          Like

          1. Clarissa Avatar

            “I died laughing when I heard Lindsay Graham threatening to physically beat up Putin. ”

            • I didn’t hear this and had no idea that Graham is a bigger idiot than I even knew. This is so pathetic, just pathetic.

            Like

            1. Dreidel Avatar
              Dreidel

              So how exactly is Obama handling Putin and the Chinese? Obama is the man in power, and Graham isn’t.

              Like

  4. Jones Avatar
    Jones

    “The Kremlin is counting on the support of the US Evangelicals who will ally themselves with ecologists to help with this plan …”

    Eco-evangelical porn probably exists now thanks to Rule 34, and it most likely looks like a combination of the Sierra Club, Playboy, and Trinity Broadcasting Network. 🙂

    Like

    1. Clarissa Avatar

      If there are things I’m scared of seeing it’s eco-evangelical porn.

      Like

  5. Jones Avatar
    Jones

    Also, is there a contest somewhere for Rube Goldberg war plans?

    There should be. 🙂

    Like

Leave a comment

A conservative literary critic and college professor