This is an old Soviet joke.

Year 1980. A ragged old man walks out of a forest somewhere in the Soviet Republic of Belarus. He stealthily approaches a house on the outskirts of a village, catches a glimpse of a woman milking a cow in the yard, and whispers, “Sister, please, a glass of milk before the Nazis see me!”

“The Nazis?” the woman asks. “There are no Nazis. The war ended 35 years ago.”

“You don’t say!” the old guerrilla fighter exclaims. “And I’ve been blowing up trains and sabotaging railways this entire time!”

Like the old guerrilla fighter from Belarus who didn’t realize the war had ended, Bernie Sanders will continue campaigning into eternity. Decades will pass, the world will change, and he will still be running against Hillary.

A friend posted this horrible story about a Mommy from hell who is mowing down her poor daughter like a bulldozer, and I’m now traumatized. Of course, the story is probably fictional because no actual person with five kids has time, energy, or need to bully one of them so relentlessly.

I should stay off Facebook because it always creeps me out.

Whenever Klara is ready to fall asleep, she presses her little fists against her chest like a little squirrel. There is nothing anybody can do to make this happen before she is good and ready, so all evening long N and I ask each other, “Squirrel fists? Is she making squirrel fists?” And the moment we see the fists, we know it’s up to us to help her fall asleep. It always happens between 9:30 and 10 pm, as if the baby had a little built-in timer.

I don’t believe Bernie or his campaign have anything to do with death threats received by the Nevada Democratic Party Chair Roberta Lange. These are some stupid hangers-on who use the campaign as a pretext to exhibit their massive assholery. Let’s not buy into their pretense that they are part of Bernie’s actual pool of supporters.

Wow, today is a day of several bits of good news. I’m finally getting a computer from my university. It only took 7 years of working for them to get a computer that I don’t have to either steal (as I did my very first computer at this place of employment) or buy with my grant money (as I did my second computer after returning the first to the place I had stolen it from).

Also, editors #2 and #3 love my articles. Editors #1 are still reading.

Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket.

OMG, OMG, OMG. 

I DON’T HAVE DIABETES, I DON’T HAVE DIABETES, I DON’T HAVE

I could finally get tested, and contrary to every expectation, my (very severe, second-time) gestational diabetes did not translate into permanent diabetes. You have no idea, people, how bad this gestational diabetes was. I was on sky-high doses of insulin, and it wasn’t even working. It’s a miracle that I’m back to normal after all that.

When I was placed on insulin, I was given a card to carry in my wallet. It said, 

If I act erratically, that’s not because I’m drunk. It’s because I’m a diabetic. Please give me some candy.

The candy, of course, is a way to prevent a hypoglycemic coma. It’s a very powerful feeling to be able to remove the card from the wallet, finally.

P.S. I was going to post the good news on Facebook but then changed my mind because the information feels too private for Facebook. 

After the Jewish and the Christian doctors disappointed me, I found one with a name like Al-Khatoumi, hoping she’ll turn out to be a Muslim. Every horizontal surface in this doctor’s waiting room is covered with Bibles, but that’s fine, maybe she’s hypercompensating. What is not fine is that a typed up notice on the reception window says, “Please be courteous of other patient’s privacy by signing in and being seated.”

No matter what, I’m exhausted with these doctor searches and will be staying with this one for now.

And now I finally read this article on Trump and women that everybody is talking about. What a ridiculous, pathetic piece of tabloid garbage this article is. There is nothing in it but a collection of entirely anodyne, boring anecdotes that have zero meaning whatsoever. Gosh, one could easily find much juicier stories about me, if they wanted to. Ooooh, he told somebody she must love candy, what a horrible insult! Let’s all clutch our pearls on cue. What rot!

If anything, this article will attract people to Trump because the only conclusion one can draw is that if this is the extent of Trump’s “sexism”, then what are we all even talking about?

Are people not noticing how stupid this all is? They are trying to discredit Trump by revealing that back in 1990 he asked somebody to wear a swimsuit by the poolside. That evildoer.

I’ve been off the election news feed for a couple of days, and now I turn on the TV and what do I see? Groups of unhinged freaks booing Barbara Boxer, more groups of freaks freakishly freaking out in Nevada or wherever, screaming “Freedom!!” of all things. I was sure these were Trumpazoids but then I heard these were actually Democrats.

Well, here goes the feeling of superiority attached to believing we are the party of reason and calmness. We have demonstrated we can be as violent and stupid as the next fellow. Yay for us.

What a disgrace.

And what did the freaks have against Barbara Boxer? I thought everybody adored her.