Never Listen to People

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Clarissa

July 16, 2016

It’s important never to listen to anybody because people don’t even mean most of what they say. And I, with my literal mind, keep taking everything in dead earnest.

Today I slept in, and then we went straight to lunch at our favorite Indian buffet. After that, we headed to the Gardens where we walked and admired turtles in the pond, butterflies at the Monarch way station and baby deer in the forest. I finished reading a new mystery novel. N had a long siesta.

Tomorrow we are going to Macy’s and then to a Japanese restaurant.

We’d be doing the exact same thing if Klara weren’t here. The only difference is that we are enormously happier because she is so funny and delightful. All of these people who kept saying that a baby changes your life completely, nothing is ever the same, you can’t do any of the things you used to do were making meaningless noises. I was very scared of having children because of all this apocalyptic screeching. How stupid of me! There aren’t even any opportunities to feel self-sacrificing and deprived.

This is the “life on the tenure-track is so teeeeerrrrrrible” lie all over again.

I’ll never listen to people again, that’s for sure.

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4 responses to “Never Listen to People ”

J. Otto Pohl

July 17, 2016

Some people do sometimes give good advice. For instance I highly recommend visiting Almaty. I went this weekend for the first time and am now wondering why in my nine years of spending lots of time in neighboring Kyrgyzstan that I did not go earlier.

http://jpohl.blogspot.com/2016/07/almaty.html

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xykademiqz

July 17, 2016

It’s so wonderful you are enjoying parenthood so much!

I think it does depend on the stage of life one’s at when they have the kid, the kid’s personality and health, and the relationship with the partner. Also issues like rigidity of the work schedule and some choices, like whether to breastfeed or not (and thus always be the one to get up at night and all the infernal pumping). In my experience, the challenges really start once you go back to work, as the kid starts getting sick and there is a push-pull between work and home. Most careers are much more rigid than academia.

Imagine if you were on the tenure track but uncertain if you were doing well, and then had a kid — you’d feel more pull to work, which might stress you out when dealing with your kid. And if the partner weren’t particularly eager to help, which sadly happens often, you might be very stressed out. Now imagine if the kid had some health issues — mine had recurrent ear infections once they started daycare. That’s a lot of worrying and time with the sick kid which does take a toll. Now imagine a job were not in academia, but somewhere in corporate America where every time you have to leave to take kid to the doctor the boss gives you a demerit or you have to take unpaid leave or you are simply so replaceable that they kick you out as unreliable.

It seems Klara is very healthy and has a calm disposition, you are past a major work hurdle (tenure), you have a great relationship with N, and will come back to work with a lot of flexibility — awesome! I am glad things are working out and you three are crazy in love with one another! 🙂

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1. Clarissa
  
  July 17, 2016
  
  I feel the push and pull already! I want to be working and I really need to. But I also want to spend time with Klara! I’m very torn.
  
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Z

July 19, 2016

I think it is true, though, that people like to use kids as excuses not to enjoy life — and to scare other people about having kids. It is a fact that you do have to care for the child and put their interests first in lots of ways. It is a fact that you have to spend some money on them that you might otherwise spend on yourself. But it is not a fact that you have to suffer (although I’ll bet I would suffer if they had certain kinds of health problems, but that is a different matter).

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