So remember my efforts to stop being the baby manager?
They bore beautiful fruit.
I wake up, and the baby is fed and changed, the baby laundry is done, the cover on the changing pad is fresh, and the diaper pail is clean. I don’t tell N to do any of these things before going to work. I’m not his boss or the baby manager. He does it because I managed to remove myself out of the way.
I lost many opportunities as a result. I can’t blame a demanding baby, an oblivious husband and a sexist society for not working on my research. I can’t enjoy an easy sense of superiority over N, I can’t relish the joys of victimhood. And I can’t write a weepy post about the horrors of motherhood that would attract thousands of links and hits.
Clarissa's Blog 
baby is lucky to have a full time mother, and so are you, you have all the time in the world to teach baby all the good things, baby is seriously lucky in this sometime crazy world, amen
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She also has a full-time father, which is just as crucial.
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lucky baby!
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From your accounts, N seemed pretty good about cleaning up after himself and doing his part to take care of the household, so it doesn’t surprise me that he stepped up.
IOW this doesn’t happen:
loads dishes
“You’re doing it wrong! You’re so incompetent! How will you function without me!” (rearranges dishes)
“Ok, you’re welcome to arrange them as you wish, I can stop doing that since you’re unhappy.”
“That’s not what I meant!” (tirade)
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In both our families it was unimaginable that a man would do anything in terms of household chores. My father was very good at spending time with the children, though, while N’s father believed that fathering meant pummeling on the wife and children. We defeated the family programming, which is great.
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Good for you and N, Clarissa!
My husband and I worked out a similar system with our daughter, and we alternate taking care of her, depending on who is busy at the time. There are certain things we do differently, and it’s ok; he’s the father after all, and if he chooses to do certain things his way, who am I to say no? None of us is better than the other, and we both try to put in time/resources as equally as we possibly can.
Now that my daughter has been going to preschool, the hard part has been convincing people that none of us is the “primary parent”. Somehow people will find it easier to think my husband is a “primary parent” than grasp that none of us are. It’s very mysterious.
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‘diaper pail’ – have you chosen washable diapers rather than disposables?
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No! I’m not nearly as rich and spoiled as all that. 😏
Did I use the wrong word again?
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