The Helpful Negative

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Clarissa

October 25, 2016

It’s very important to read the right thing at the right time. I’ve been wondering if too much ambition was not a good thing, if striving and wanting more should stop at some point, and then I read this article and realized that the alternative to wanting more is becoming a thwarted, verbose, yelping loser like the linked author. And that really helped to clear things out.

Sometimes a negative example is as helpful as a positive one. When you see what you don’t want to be, that’s as helpful as knowing what you do want.

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14 responses to “The Helpful Negative ”

xykademiqz

October 26, 2016

Man, that was one tiring essay you linked to… I ended up skipping whole paragraphs.

A few years ago, a graduating senior who’d taken 2 or 3 classes with me by then, came to say ‘bye’ and we chatted a little. In the words of his dad, life is summed up as “you pay taxes, and then you die.” I was shocked, and I felt compelled to tell the student that life is great, and doing what you love and having kids are all wonderful things, and that there are all these things to do and be and see! But I guess for his dad and for many people without much inner drive life can get really boring in the early middle age and does not get more fun until they die. My DH is like that, I think he has resolved to watch good TV, and play good video games, and eat good food until he dies. I cannot live like that and constantly come up with new challenges for myself. Perhaps that’s what ambition is, just something inside that does not let you sit on your laurels and always hungers for more and different and better, of everything.

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1. Clarissa
  
  October 26, 2016
  
  I know, I didn’t manage to get through the whole thing either. I think the author is trying to convince herself that ambition is evil because she doesn’t feel successful as a writer. There is a lot of demonization, in her article, of writers whose names are widely known. I sense resentment and jealousy there. If I decide I’m fine with what I have, I will not pen endless attacks on people who do want more.
  
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  1. cliff arroyo
    
    October 26, 2016
    
    “. If I decide I’m fine with what I have, I will not pen endless attacks on people who do want more.”
    
    That was my takeaway (from the little I could stand to read). She’s lying to herself about her ambitions and that never is a very attractive sight….
    
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    1. Clarissa
      
      October 26, 2016
      
      Exactly. The rant doesn’t come from a place of happy acceptance of what she has, that’s clear.
      
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2. el
  
  October 27, 2016
  
  \ if too much ambition was not a good thing, if striving and wanting more should stop at some point
  
  AND
  
  \ My DH is like that, I think he has resolved to watch good TV, and play good video games, and eat good food until he dies. I cannot live like that and constantly come up with new challenges for myself.
  
  Does DH stand for “dear/darling hubby,” aka your husband?
  
  Aren’t you both in academy? I understand how a writer or an academic must constantly strive for more: their job is receiving and creating new information.
  
  However, what about other professions like school teachers, for instance? Once one has both one’s final job and all children one wanted, what truly new is left in life to strive for?
  
  After all, those “new challenges” cannot be fake or superficial things. They have to be truly important, not a trifling to distract yourself with as a shield against existential crisis.
  
  Suppose one does not succeed in academy or does not like the job. What next?
  
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  1. xykademiqz
    
    October 27, 2016
    
    el, DH stands for “dear husband” in Internet parlance, which came out of mommy forums (is it fora?); similarly you have DS and DD for son and daughter, respectively. It seems that these are almost always used by women, as I cannot recall ever seeing a man use DW for “dear wife”.
    
    Anyway, I think having ambition vs not is really a personality trait rather than due to circumstance. It’s always wondering what else is new out there. For instance, I started blogging in 2010 because of a desire for something new; I have a book now out based on the blogging, and I thought working on getting it published was really exciting. I would like to learn a few more languages and an instrument or two. I would like to move to Australia. I want to actually work seriously on my drawing to be able to put up professional-looking digital art. If you saw how I did my research, you would think I were nuts: I enter a new field, work in it for a few years, say what I had to say, then get bored and move on; it’s really tough to get funding if this is your MO, I can tell you that. I have a much greater breadth of topics in my research group than typical for the field. I now teach from a repertoire of 8 very different courses in my department, which is twice as many as anyone else, and I keep adding new ones as I get bored with the ones I taught before and strive for something new (I have solved the conundrum, “What is worse? Doing lots of work to prep a brand new course or the boredom that comes from teaching the same course for years?” The boredom is way worse for me.) I constantly move the days and times of the class periods (we can submit our preferences when we do the course assignments); in contrast, DH has taught in the same two courses (he has an academic staff position) and in the same slot MWF for 10 years and would not change it for the world.
    
    The purpose of this paragraph is not for me to show off, but to demonstrate that the “itch” that is behind ambition is a characteristic of my personality and can be seen in all aspects of my life. Many people think I am a pain in the a$$; actually DH and I are probably a good combo because we are different. Two pains in the a$$ might drive each other crazy, two lethargic people wouldn’t get very much done by way of maximizing opportunities and building wealth. DH is a great dad, he loves me, and is supportive of my work, there really isn’t much more that I can wish for in a partner. So not being ambitious is not a personality flaw, just a trait.
    
    What to do if you don’t like academia? I guess it depends on the field. If you are in the physical sciences or engineering, and/or you can write some code, it should not be hard to find a tech job. People in the humanities seem to be very creative in finding gainful employment in the private sector. Not all academia is the same, and not all academia is for everyone, I suppose. For instance, Clarissa would probably kick even more a$$ and publish even more if she were to work at an R1 school, where she could teach grad students.
    
    Once one has both one’s final job and all children one wanted, what truly new is left in life to strive for?
    
    That’s my DH’s attitude and while I understand it intellectually and it’s a fine viewpoint to have, I don’t understand it in my gut. There is a whole world out of there, full of things I don’t know or haven’t seen, and skills I could master. To me, being done with kids is liberating, actually, in that you get to go back to being your own primary concern.
    
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    1. Clarissa
      
      October 27, 2016
      
      “So not being ambitious is not a personality flaw, just a trait.”
      
      Absolutely, if he’s fine and content with it, then that’s great.
      
      “For instance, Clarissa would probably kick even more a$$ and publish even more if she were to work at an R1 school, where she could teach grad students.”
      
      That’s the plan. 🙂 I think I definitely deserve to supervise a graduate student or two at this point.
      
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  2. Clarissa
    
    October 27, 2016
    
    “Suppose one does not succeed in academy or does not like the job. What next?”
    
    Find a new job, start a new career, move, anything but accept the drab existence you are describing. We each only get one life to live. There is no reason to spend it in a way that is not exciting and fun for us.
    
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Shakti

October 26, 2016

This article is just one long reaction. The author’s mother somehow transferred people telling her not to be ambitious onto the daughter and the daughter’s just reenacting this “I’m not ambitious, let me impress you with my logorrheic justifications tying this to feminism.” It’s intergenerational inability to conceive of her own ambition versus someone else’s ambition for her or to distinguish between the two, which produces this text. What she really wants to write is a fuck you to her grandparents and her parents.

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1. Clarissa
  
  October 26, 2016
  
  “What she really wants to write is a fuck you to her grandparents and her parents.”
  
  Which I always support. 🙂 But only when it’s addressed correctly.
  
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2. Clarissa
  
  October 26, 2016
  
  This reminded me of the old Soviet joke where a husband wants to ask his wife to pass the bread, and instead screams, “You have destroyed my whole life, bitch from hell!”
  
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Jonathan

October 26, 2016

She lost me at the beginning when she used disinterested to mean uninterested. But really, she calls herself a writer and produces this ramble.

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1. xykademiqz
  
  October 26, 2016
  
  she calls herself a writer and produces this ramble.
  
  I thought the same thing… It’s virtually unreadable. I thought someone would have edited this before publishing?
  
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2. Clarissa
  
  October 26, 2016
  
  I kept hoping the piece would just end already but it went on and on in an endless loop. Scary stuff.
  
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