Pediatricians have this annoying questionnaire they give you during the regular wellness checkups that seems designed to prey on parents’ insecurities.
Does she talk?
Does she walk?
Does she stand up unassisted?
And my favorite: does she feed herself with a spoon?
Has anybody even seen a little freak who feeds herself with a spoon at 9 months? [Of course, with my luck somebody will be reading this whose baby fed herself with a spoon at 3 months of age, and the post will make them angry. Be honest, though, do you believe it’s to be expected that such small children know how to use a spoon?]
After answering “no, no, she does not, no, she can’t do that, no” and trying to make oneself feel better with a pathetic little joke [“No, she doesn’t drink from a sippy cup. We only have one and I’m using it”], the chastened parent grabs the baby who has already disappointed the world by not having sat for the bar exam before turning 1 year old and crawls away.
My Klara just learned to clap her hands, by the way. And it feels a lot more age-appropriate than conducting conversations while standing unassisted and eating with a spoon.

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