Marital Dialogues

N: So what did you tell your friend R about me while you were in Seattle?

Me: Nothing much. She’s known you for years.

N: Did you tell her about our intimate life?

Me: Eww! Disgusting! No, of course, I didn’t. Eww!

N: Then what did you talk about?

Me: ??

N: I mean, you spent 3 days there. You had to have talked about something. And if you didn’t talk about sex, then what did you talk about?

Me: ??????????????

N: Isn’t sex all women talk about when they are alone together?

Me: #@$&$#(/&$#@(/?$&$#@

N: No, I’m just trying to figure it out. I’m sure you didn’t sit there in complete silence, right?

Me: Oh, just $#@&+($&- yourself with a $##@)++&+$@ into $$#@_+($#@ for $&&-##@.

N: But that’s what Sex and the City was like! Women only ever talked with each other about sex!

Me: I’m going to the other room now.

30 minutes later, N bursts into the other room.

N: Wait! Are you going to tell me that men also talk about something other than sex with their friends??

Me: Oh, $_&-+&_$@ it.

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9 thoughts on “Marital Dialogues”

  1. N: But that’s what Sex and the City was like! Women only ever talked with each other about sex!
    And that, my friends, is why Hollywood is dangerous. /sarcasm

    OT:

    But of course:

    Panama City shooting

    Kilauea is STILL erupting — LIVE

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      1. It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with the fact his parenting has been shown to suck spectacularly in a way he can’t sweep under the rug. It’s all about his precious fragile ego and reputation.

        I’m tired of these terrible parents who want medals and awards for the terrible parenting of their bratty murderous children when they should’ve gotten snipped years ago if they couldn’t be bothered to teach their children to act right while freaking out when other people check them as a natural result of their behaviors. I don’t care if this means I’m spiritually 80 years old I just want all these fuckers to get off my metaphorical lawn because I’ve reached my lifetime apportionment of patience with bullshit.

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  2. “Sex and the City was like! Women only ever talked with each other about sex!”

    I never saw more than a couple of minutes here and there but I thought the ‘women’ in the show were stand ins for gay men (because a show about gay men dishing about their sex lives wouldn’t be commercially viable then…. or probably now….)

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    1. He does tend to take literature and movies and TV very literally. He wore a Siberian type coat in San Francisco because he read several novels that bitched about how cold it was there. I never managed to persuade him it was cold for California, and not in tundra terms.

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      1. Then “Game of Thrones” must really freak him out.
        I thought he was just messing with you as a joke 😀

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        1. No, he is very sincere. And he wouldn’t watch Game of Thrones. He’s refusing to watch Grey’s Anatomy with me because it’s set in a hospital and somebody might die. And that’s too traumatic.

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  3. Paradoxially, disclosing having this type of conversation with your husband on a public blog constitutes sharing the details that are perhaps not less intimate than at least some details about one’s sex life…

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    1. I write about many things that I wouldn’t mention in conversations with friends. Writing is a special sort of freedom. I don’t think about the reader when I write. There’s no interlocutor in writing. It’s a dialogue with the self and God if one is a believer.

      I have explained to people I write about that they are characters in the writing. So far, only one person hasn’t been able to understand that this is not a testimonial account but fiction. Curiously, this person is a recognized specialist in precisely testimonial literature.

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