Why Do We Hate Nicey-Nice People?

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Clarissa

October 1, 2018

Why does everybody hate people who are too nice?

I don’t agree with the explanation provided in this article. I dislike the too-nice, always cheerful, see-the-good-side-in-everybody folks because they are boring.

There was once this person who, at a first glance, seemed super nice. But then we hung out together and she was making really funny, harsh, incisive comments about everything. And I was, “God, I love you, you are a fascinating person! You are my best friend from now on and forever!”

It’s not about completion for me. It’s about not wanting to be bored by spending time with eternal-sunshine idiots. I like smart, sarcastic people. Also, the nicey-nice folks seem fake. Everybody has an agenda. Just tell me what yours is and don’t pretend to care about nothing but the fate of humanity.

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7 responses to “Why Do We Hate Nicey-Nice People?”

David Bellamy

October 1, 2018

I think many people have no idea what their agenda actually is. I am not sure I know my own. If asked, I am likely to give different answers at different times, depending on my mood.

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Crystallizing Chaos

October 1, 2018

The article is quite vague about what it means by ‘do-gooders’. One kind behavior that’s problematic is conflict avoidance, which can easily be mistaken for being nice. At a workplace, nice people won’t tell you when you’re making a catastrophic mistake. In interpersonal relationships, nice people wont tell you when they are unhappy with you, until it’s too late. Avoiding small conflicts now results in big, fatal conflicts later. I wonder if you’re using boredom as a proxy to detect such behavior.

Some nice people also tend to harbor resentment if their niceness is not rewarded – which comes out in pathological ways eventually. The proverbial ‘nice guy’ in the friend-zone for example.

And yes, I’m one of those nice people. Slowly learning how to tone it down. Doesn’t work in every situation.

Jordan Peterson talks a lot about how niceness doesn’t always ensure good outcomes for everyone. He points out the current SJW culture, which values niceness above all, as an example.

One thing I might agree with in the article is the jealousy aspect. My ex-wife used to get jealous because I got along better with her family than her. 😛

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1. Crystallizing Chaos
  
  October 1, 2018
  
  This is also why ‘assholes’ do better at work than nice people. Not supporting actual abusers and bullies here, but there is value in civil disagreement.
  
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2. Clarissa
  
  October 1, 2018
  
  If you saw the Kavanaugh testimony, that’s my state of mind 95% of time. And I relish it. Imagine how I feel around the smiley complacent folks. Brrrr.
  
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reginaav

October 1, 2018

Your friend sounds amazing.

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1. Clarissa
  
  October 1, 2018
  
  Yeah, hmmm, who could it be??? 🙂 That’s a mystery.
  
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Z

October 1, 2018

I don’t dislike people who do good, I admire them. But I dislike people who always think everything is fine. I think they are false.

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