Why Do We Hate Nicey-Nice People?

Why does everybody hate people who are too nice?

I don’t agree with the explanation provided in this article. I dislike the too-nice, always cheerful, see-the-good-side-in-everybody folks because they are boring.

There was once this person who, at a first glance, seemed super nice. But then we hung out together and she was making really funny, harsh, incisive comments about everything. And I was, “God, I love you, you are a fascinating person! You are my best friend from now on and forever!”

It’s not about completion for me. It’s about not wanting to be bored by spending time with eternal-sunshine idiots. I like smart, sarcastic people. Also, the nicey-nice folks seem fake. Everybody has an agenda. Just tell me what yours is and don’t pretend to care about nothing but the fate of humanity.

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7 thoughts on “Why Do We Hate Nicey-Nice People?”

  1. I think many people have no idea what their agenda actually is. I am not sure I know my own. If asked, I am likely to give different answers at different times, depending on my mood.

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  2. The article is quite vague about what it means by ‘do-gooders’. One kind behavior that’s problematic is conflict avoidance, which can easily be mistaken for being nice. At a workplace, nice people won’t tell you when you’re making a catastrophic mistake. In interpersonal relationships, nice people wont tell you when they are unhappy with you, until it’s too late. Avoiding small conflicts now results in big, fatal conflicts later. I wonder if you’re using boredom as a proxy to detect such behavior.

    Some nice people also tend to harbor resentment if their niceness is not rewarded – which comes out in pathological ways eventually. The proverbial ‘nice guy’ in the friend-zone for example.

    And yes, I’m one of those nice people. Slowly learning how to tone it down. Doesn’t work in every situation.

    Jordan Peterson talks a lot about how niceness doesn’t always ensure good outcomes for everyone. He points out the current SJW culture, which values niceness above all, as an example.

    One thing I might agree with in the article is the jealousy aspect. My ex-wife used to get jealous because I got along better with her family than her. 😛

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    1. This is also why ‘assholes’ do better at work than nice people. Not supporting actual abusers and bullies here, but there is value in civil disagreement.

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  3. I don’t dislike people who do good, I admire them. But I dislike people who always think everything is fine. I think they are false.

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