Elizabeth von Arnim’s life doesn’t lend itself to an interesting book. She had a wonderful, easy life with no hardship. I’m happy for her but who can read a whole book about an existence of endless bliss? Happiness is great for those who feel it but insanely boring for the observers.
“Elizabeth” was born to a very wealthy family. Her parents loved each other and their children. Elizabeth’s siblings loved each other and had great relationships. The parents supported the talented girl’s musical career. Then they supported her marriage to the man of her choice. Then they cheered on her writing career. Elizabeth’s father lived to be 82, all the while being as engaged and supportive of her writing as it’s humanly possible to be. Her mother also lived to great old age, being loving and sweet to her kids the whole time.
Elizabeth married an extremely wealthy, aristocratic man. They were completely faithful to each other. Had 5 children, all of whom survived birth and infancy. The children were all wonderful, healthy, problem-free. Her first book was a mega bestseller. And so was the second. And the third. And so on. Famous writers and philosophers crowded around, eager to be her friends.
Joyce Morgan, the author of von Arnim’s biography, does all she can to make the book less soporific. She tries to find something that can qualify as adversity. Once Elizabeth and her husband had a disagreement about when to leave home from a vacation! They settled it immediately but still! One of the kids went through a stretch of bad sleeping! That’s a problem! Elizabeth and her husband experienced money problems and had to move out of their castle to a mansion with 7 bedrooms and their own tennis court. That’s serious hardship right there. I can’t imagine having to content myself with 7 bedrooms and a tennis court, which is just as well because I’m never going to have a mansion this size. Don’t worry, though, von Arnim didn’t suffer in these impossibly close quarters for long. She soon but herself a 16-bedroom chalet in the Swiss Alps.
Here’s a typical paragraph about von Arnim’s life. The author calls her by her actual name, Mary:
Mary plunged into a frenzy of engagements when she returned to London in February 1910. She heard social reformer Sidney Webb speak at the Fabian Society and George Bernard Shaw at the Eugenics Education Society. She attended talks on the prevention of destitution and on women’s suffrage. She spent nights at the theatre and at music concerts and made frequent visits to St Paul’s. She dined with Bernard Shaw and attended his new play Misalliance. She also dined with her children’s former tutors E.M. Forster and Hugh Walpole, with popular writer Mary Cholmondeley and other London friends. She took Evi to dancing lessons and made holiday arrangements for the other children.
Joyce Morgan, The Countess from Kirribilli
Oh well, cry me a river. Bitch.
OK, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Kind of. Did you know she was effortlessly thin her whole life? Now tell me the woman isn’t extremely annoying.
Joyce Morgan does her absolute best to make von Arnim at least somewhat interesting and relatable. She’s been criticized for writing in very simple, basic sentences with limited vocabulary but I think it was the right decision. Morgan is a talented person and understands that the slightest hint of pomposity in writing about von Arnim’s charmed life will make the book insufferable.
When my sister was little, she always wanted me to make up stories for her. But we lived in a chaotic home environment, so the only stories she could tolerate was where everything was always perfect. I came up with this series of tales about a family of squirrels, and she had me go on for hours about how wonderful, blissful and invariably perfect everything would be in the squirrels’ lives. Whenever I tried to introduce anything like a conflict or an issue to break up the tedium, she’d scream her little head off. I’m sorry I didn’t come across the von Arnim biography then because I could have read it to her and she’d be happy. But other than an obsessed von Arnim fan or a severely traumatized person, I don’t know who can read this book with any enjoyment.
Clarissa's Blog 
“But we lived in a chaotic home environment …”
Go ahead and read what you want into this: when I was much younger, my favourite television show was “Hogan’s Heroes”.
I especially loved the bits involving Crittenden, the good ol’ chap idiot British colonel who happened to be superior to the protagonist Hogan in rank, but far inferior to him in wits.
Watching Crittenden get bested by his own allies was even more fun than watching Hochstetter get owned by Hogan and his merry band of counter-intelligence people.
“WHO IS THIS MAN?” 🙂
Arnim sounds like the kind of person that F Scott Fitzgerald once wrote about, the happy neurotic who blew through money at galactic scale, only to be consumed by a galactic scaled mental crisis that pulled down her doctor husband along with her.
Of course, it’s easier to write about it when you’re living it as well.
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