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Small Talk Test

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Clarissa

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Why, why did I agree to go to the small talk event? I now have a massive headache and I never get headaches.

At the beginning of the event, the invited guests had to sit on chairs with their names facing the audience. Everybody got a normal chair except for me. I got a throne. It was a huge, high affair that I had to climb on and then sit there, towering over everybody else like a sad old giraffe. The organizer really loves me, so I ended up with the throne. My feet were dangling in the air, it was so high.

Then the sociability began, and it was torture. Students who were being tested on their sociability skills clearly think that making small talk means you have to approach a person and stare at her with big, scared eyes. I ended up making 100% of the small talk, and we can all imagine the joy this caused me.

Finally, I disentangled myself from the throng of silent teenagers and went to get some food. And it was at that moment that one student decided to make small talk by saying, “I see that you really like sausage” and giving me an angry stare.

I have absolutely no idea whose brilliant decision it was to offer sociability as a college course but aside from the sausage that was quite good, this was not a raging success. Now these students are going to have a course on non-verbal communication, and I’m hoping that one will go better.

9 responses to “Small Talk Test”

  1. Pen Avatar
    Pen

    Wouldn’t it have made more sense to do something less like a panel? That formatting doesn’t make sense.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      We had to sit on the podium for the land acknowledgement. For my sins. Then, it was regular mixing.

      There was literally no one indignity I wasn’t subjected to at this event.

      Liked by 2 people

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  2. Demotrash Avatar
    Demotrash

    These students would be better off getting a job in retail or at a restaurant. Best way to learn this.

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    1. Pen Avatar
      Pen

      Agreed. It’s not so much small talk in particular, but you get used to talking to people on a regular basis and begin forming more scripts for actual conversations.

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      1. methylethyl Avatar
        methylethyl

        At the very least, you get lots of practice approaching strangers, pantomiming cheerfulness, giving inoffensive compliments, and responding to really random comments.

        Back in the day I developed a very effective drive-thru persona (I sounded cute, bubbly and cheerful, and nobody gave me a hard time– though I think some of the young men were disappointed when they got around to the window– I’m not actually cute). You wouldn’t think that’d be good for much, outside of fast food, but it transfers really well to every situation where I have to talk to strangers on the phone.

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  3. cliff arroyo Avatar
    cliff arroyo

    “no idea whose brilliant decision it was to offer sociability as a college course”

    I remember having to take a course in public speaking and dreading it and then finding out the only section that fit my schedule was taught by the campus curmudgeon with exacting standards that everyone feared.
    It ended up being a great experience. The teacher wasn’t that bad (I suspect he cultivated a bad reputation to keep slackers out of his sections). It ended up being one of the two courses I’ve had (along with ‘typing’ in high school) with the most real world application.
    Before the course I would have preferred to be boiled in oil and pickled before speaking in public and after…. meh. Not something I long to do or hugely enjoy but when the occasion calls for it I can do it even if unprepared.

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      Gosh, I just spoke with the colleague who teaches public speaking, and it’s really funny. Students enroll in his class and then request accommodation through the disability office to be excused from… speaking in public because they have anxiety. As a result, they can’t do any of the class activities. This semester, out of 25 students in his section, 7 had these accommodations. This is not a required course. Why do they sign up at all? The colleague is really upset.

      I would so love to know what these students are thinking.

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      1. random reader Avatar
        random reader

        Our university allows us in that case to refuse the accommodation as it would interfere with the design of the course. I think a strong case can be made that if you sign up for public speaking you should be actually required to speak in public. It is like signing up for a swimming class and asking for the accommodation to not swim because you have aquaphobia (or are unable to swim for whatever other reason).

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          Next thing we’ll accept paraplegics into dancing classes and accuse the professors of bring disabled-phobic if they refuse to accommodate.

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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