The flight was hellish, people. Klara vomited copiously at the beginning of the 8-hour flight and then again at the end. By that time, we had no clothes for her to change into in our carry-on luggage. N took off his T-shirt and Klara used it as a dress. But N was left half-naked and not looking forward to presenting himself like that to the Spanish customs officers.
Thankfully, N always brings a heavy denim jacket, so he wore it with no shirt underneath. It was hot, so he kept unbuttoning it. So I’m standing there, with a half-naked man and a vomit-plastered child who is lecturing me on the differences between vomit, puke, throw up and barf, our Airbnb will not be available for the next 9 hours, and I’m thinking that only yesterday I was almost a YouTube star, and now this.
Clarissa's Blog 
You flew into Madrid-Barajas? One of the most chaotic airports in Europe? I’m sorry for that on top of everything else.
On the plus side, the fact there are airport vending machines aimed specifically at European/Brit holidayers means that N’s attire seems normal for them. On the minus side, Spanish customs officers are …uh capricious.
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We landed at 5:40 and had to wait in an almost immobile line when additional customs officers appeared at 7. It was hardcore.
Every time, this airport is a disaster.
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“this airport is a disaster”
I remember the last few times flying from Spain check in took fooooorrreeeeevvvvver, barely leaving any time to do anything but sprint for the plane.
I’ve been in longer lines in other countries that move pretty quickly (or they add check-in staff) but in Spain they never add people and the staff, while polite enough seems to be stuck in molasses….
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I hope Klara is doing better?
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“lecturing me on the differences between vomit, puke, throw up and barf”
The littlest taxonomist!
So…. what are the differences?
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I also want to know the differences, especially because I think it will add to my understanding of various dialects of English.
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I’m not sure to which extent this is something she developed with her friends, though. It might not be a widespread classification.
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Puke is when you didn’t have anything to eat and you just bring up water. Vomit is when you did eat and it gets much messier. Throw up is similar but it’s shorter because it’s a single eruption. And barf is the worst because it’s all over the place.
We were at puke and then vomit yesterday.
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(thinks nostalgically back to vomit-themed songs of her childhood)
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The only childhood one I know is three chocolate eclairs, care to share?
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ooh, I don’t know that one. The one that leapt to mind was one of the many exciting ditties set to the tune of “the Colonel Bogey March”:
Comet: it makes your mouth turn green
Comet: it tastes like Listerine
Comet, will make you vomit
So buy some Comet, and vomit, today!
(other tasteless lyrics that go with that tune: “Hitler Has Only Got One Ball” and The Scrotum Song. Probably other infinite variations…)
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Thanks for that. As a Brit, “his mother, the dirty bugger, cut off the other when he was small” is a hopefully indelible folk memory, though I must confess I don’t know anything about Comet apart from the risk of the rhyme!
3 chocolate eclairs is a dirge:
Three chocolate eclairs, Three chocolate eclairs, Three chocolate eclairs, sitting on a plate…. gobble gobble gobble
Two chocolate eclairs….
1 chocolate eclair….
no chocolate eclairs, no chocolate eclairs, no chocolate eclairs, sitting on a plate….bleurgh!
Three chocolate eclairs, Three chocolate eclairs, Three chocolate eclairs, sitting on a plate…. gobble gobble gobble
continue until adults get annoyed!
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Comet is a US brand of abrasive cleaning powder used for kitchens and bathrooms. I think the UK equivalent might be called Vim. It used to come in a shiny green cardboard tube, and makes a sort of bleachy green foam when in use.
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“Puke is when”
Wait till she’s old enough to drink too much and get the dry heaves….
Her hierarchy seems individual and creative (an active mind making sense of the world).
For me, phonetically puke suggests a sudden and violent process while barf is slower and softer….
Vomit is medical and throw up is everyday usage.
IIRC vomit jokes and humor peak at around 11-13 or so… urban legend when I was that age was a student suddenly puked up his lunch while sitting in class.
“Dibs on the peas!” yelled someone.
(there were… more disgusting ones too which I will spare everyone).
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For us the vomit jokes peaked at 16-20, but that may have been linked to alcohol consumption and they definitely had a victim.
And I feel a need to apologise to Klara and to our host, because although interesting for us, it’s not funny for them. Hope the bus trip went OK and no more vomit or any of its synonyms have been seen.
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No, it’s OK. I never outgrew butt jokes and am now on a personal quest to include at least one in every public appearance I make.
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Puerile jokes are what makes misery bearable 😉
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…but does she know about ralph? Upchuck?
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We are taking a 6-hour-long bus trip on Thursday, and I pray age doesn’t find out.
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If you have a choice about seating, the closer to the front of the bus you are, the better off you’ll be. The back sways more.
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Just how I remember it!
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