Clarissa's Blog

7 responses to “A Weird Brain”

1. 

   Anonymous

   October 3, 2025

   It’s like that, though.

   Hearing is my worst modality for comprehending anything. I have to work at it, and I have difficulty operating on other high-bandwidth channels at the same time. If I really really need to “get” what someone is saying, the first time, I can’t also look at them. It scrambles things. Unfocusing my eyes and ‘staring into space’ works best. Also really unsettles people who aren’t used to it.

   This gets awkward with the choir director. I can see her signals just fine in my (very excellent) peripheral vision, but she reads that as “not looking up” at the appointed time. Sigh. But then if I look away from the music even for a second, I lose my place.

   The ‘autism’ thing– this is, I think, a distinct subset that should be diagnosed separately. I’ve talked to a bunch of people who qualify for the diagnosis, and not all of them have scrambled sensory processing, but in the subset who do– it appears to be causal– as in, all the outward ‘autistic’ type behaviors are downstream of sensory processing irregularities. Something has gone sideways with the Default Mode Network, which is sort of the brain’s traffic cop: it tells some sections to chill so other sections can do their jobs efficiently. If DMN is not doing its job, or is doing it poorly, then you get the sort of situation where you can’t listen unless you’ve given some busywork to other sections that might interfere. You can also get stuff like lack of filtering in sensory modalities: from what I understand, normal people automatically tune out irrelevant visual and auditory input. I don’t, so it always takes up a terrific amount of bandwidth, and I can really only concentrate on one modality at a time. You can also get hypersensitivity to sensory input in one or more modes, because DMN can’t turn down the volume or filter out irrelevant detail selectively or appropriately.

   It’s not all bad. Everything’s a trade-off. I can’t follow conversations if there’s background noise because yay no filters. But there’s a bonus enjoyment of some visual artforms and colors, I’m good at diagnosing certain kinds of mechanical problems, and I’m ace at tracking down gas leaks 😉

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   1. 

      Anonymous

      October 3, 2025

      gah. That was me, ethyl.

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   2. 

      Clarissa

      October 3, 2025

      Yes, I’m the same with looking at people. I need to stare intently into a corner if I want to really listen, and they think I’m distracted by something behind them.

      When I give talks, everybody in the audience turns around to see what’s behind them because they think I’m reading off a screen.

      My husband is on the opposite end of the spectrum and needs complete quiet to concentrate and can’t switch between different sources of information easily. It made the initial stages of the relationship difficult until we figured out that the other person wasn’t doing it on purpose to be annoying.

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      1. 

         methylethyl

         October 3, 2025

         I suspect these two things are related: different aspects/manifestations of DMN dysfunction. What Xyk seems very right– I do encounter similar difficulties when I need to pay attention to an audio info source (live or video) where I know 90% of the info already, but am missing some crucial detail and have to listen for it. It’s torture if I haven’t got something else to fuss with– sometimes I can draw and listen at the same time.

         But for the most part, to do my best work I need quiet and solitude, and I am extremely single-track. Can zone out and work on the same thing intently for hours, if not disturbed. These days, I am willing to sacrifice half a night’s sleep to work on projects, so that I can do them at night after the children are asleep.

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2. 

   xykademiqz

   October 3, 2025

   This sounds a bit like ADHD to me; you need additional stimulation to be able to focus on budget talk because budget talk itself is nowhere near engaging enough to keep your attention. It’s like you need to fire off on ten cylinders at all times and you’re not operational when being forced to just use one. I have that trait, too. I am extremely productive in noisy places and unproductive in peace and quiet, so I blast hard rock and heavy metal through headphones when I need to concentrate. When I’m in meetings, I always read an ebook or grade student work while people present because the presentations alone are too sedate and not immersive enough to keep my mind from wandering.

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   1. 

      Clarissa

      October 3, 2025

      Oh! I’m so glad to see somebody who understands. I do amazing writing at airports or when a group of noisy children is running around. It’s very hard to explain to people because it’s very unusual.

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3. 

   cliff arroyo

   October 3, 2025

   “So I read short stories in German and answered questions about them”

   When we have faculty meetings (mercifully not so common) if I want to pay attention then I also do language related tasks…. now I usually copy/past Maltese newspaper stories and looking up words and roots while making mini root dictionaries.

   At the very least doodling and/or writing out conjugation/declension charts helps. If I sit and look like I’m paying attention I’ll have no memory whatsoever of what was said/decided….

   My favorite place to study ever was the student bowling alley (which in addition to the loud conversations and bowling pins played horrible local FM radio). I have fun memories of doing statistics homework or reading all of Human Ethology there.

   Noise I create isn’t as useful as environmental noise I have no control over….

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