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Freedom to Be Lonely

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Clarissa

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My talk on neoliberal womanhood was very successful. It went particularly well with younger women. They followed me out, eager to shake my hand, hug me, and share their stories.

“What you said about the life of no kids, no family, no stability but a lot of sexual freedom, hit me right in the heart,” one woman said. “We keep hearing that this is the good life. You can move around and collect liaisons. But it doesn’t feel good. It feels like I’m wasting my life.”

I don’t even have to prepare my talks but just show up and say, “something is wrong with the system where women can’t have all the children they want”, and then shut up and collect applause and devotion from the female audience. That this is perceived as a revolutionary statement that everybody has been waiting for tells us everything about how neoliberalism is working out for young people.

We are about to see a generation of massively pissed off thirty and forty-year-olds who have had it with this meaningless freedom to remain lonely and always on the move.

12 responses to “Freedom to Be Lonely”

  1. oldcowboy3 Avatar
    oldcowboy3

    Yeah, some of the more thoughtful members of the Honey Badgers have been warning that for at least a decade. Well, the turkeys have come home to roost, now what — buy shares on cat food and boxed wine companies?

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      I think we are starting to walk away from the brink. The number of young people identifying as trans or non-binary has dropped off a cliff.

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      1. cliff arroyo Avatar
        cliff arroyo

        “number of young people identifying as trans or non-binary has dropped off a cliff”

        I have a (very bright) student who last year used the masculine form of her last name -cki and a masculine non-Polish first name (almost always the case with ftm in Poland). I’d received a departmental email about her (and another one or two) which I ignored.

        These year she’s using the feminine form -cka again and her Polish first name. I have not asked her about this (and have no intention of doing so) but it’s an interesting data point.

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          Nature is healing.

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  2. ShadowsCollide Avatar
    ShadowsCollide

    This is interesting, while I never had the urge to marry or have children or even have sex, I always felt there was something not quite right about hookups and not wanting stability or a family. The whole idea of having no family, no roots or real relationships but lots of experiences and stuff made me uneasy, as someone from a close family who wants stability and also peace and quiet.

    I never had the urge to marry, have children or even sex but I don’t look down on people who want to get married and have kids and settle down, I respect that. I can’t imagine how depressing it would be to just have hookups instead of a relationship or not be close to family, even if they drive me crazy. This must be an Anglo thing because the people I know would be horrified at this sort of rootless, barren life, I come from a Spanish Cuban family and most of the people I know are ethnic in some way.

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      When I was active on the dating scene, it was easier for Hispanic girls because they could articulate openly that they were looking for husbands. Anglo girls also looked for husbands but felt the need to be coy about it.

      Francophone girls had it the hardest. For some reason, they felt the need loudly to disavow the search for a husband.

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      1. oldcowboy3 Avatar
        oldcowboy3

        Was that in Quebec?

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          Yes. They have such a weird situation. Crowds of wonderful, high-quality guys eager to settle down and an absence of even moderately normal women interested in settling down. Guys have to settle for absolute harpies.

          I always tell single young women: go to Quebec. If you can’t find a peach of a fella there, you won’t find one anywhere.

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          1. Clarissa Avatar
            Clarissa

            A caveat: you need to be a short-statured young lady. I’m 5’6, and I look like a sad giraffe in Quebec. People are tiny.

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          2. oldcowboy3 Avatar
            oldcowboy3

            LOL, actually send them up to anywhere North of 60° it doesn’t take very much to be Queen of the May ;-D

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      2. ShadowsCollide Avatar
        ShadowsCollide

        Women in middle class or upper class Anglo cultures aren’t supposed to be open about finding a husband, getting married young is seen as dumb and trashy. Women are supposed to go to college and get a great job then find a husband, young marriage is for dumb girls.

        I never got any pressure to get married from my mother or my family, she appreciates that I help around the house and take care of my younger brother with autism. She drives me crazy sometimes but she realized I was not cut out to marry or have kids and that she needs help dealing with my brother since his father did nothing and bailed. It would be great if women were honest about wanting or not wanting to marry, there should be no shame in early marriage or being a spinster

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          I have a friend who chose the same life path as you. I respect it deeply because she knows what she wants and doesn’t want and is honest with herself and others. It’s fake people I can’t stand. But honestly going your own path deserves every respect.

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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