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Marriage Resilience

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Clarissa

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My husband and I will be celebrating our 16th wedding anniversary on the 13th. I’m hoping on day he will get baptized into the Orthodox faith. He knows I’m hoping for it. This is creating zero conflict between us. We’ve had a lot of great conversations about it. There’s literally no other issue that creates less conflict between us.

I don’t know what this woman’s marital history is but what she imagines a big stumbling boulder for a marriage is nary a small crack in the pavement.

When done the right way, marriage is a lot more resilient than many people think.

17 responses to “Marriage Resilience”

  1. Stringer Bell Avatar
    Stringer Bell

    They’re acting as if she got blindsided by him. People are retarded if they don’t think Vance has discussed it with his wife before talking about it in public.

    “If I’m her, I’m PISSED” lol fucking idiot.

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. Avi Avatar
    Avi

    I wonder what has led to the progressive loss of the subjunctive in US English, where, until recently, it seemed to be firmly entrenched. “If I’m her, I’m pissed” is pure nonsense. It should be “If I were her, I’d be…”

    I’ve also noticed a tendency to say “I wish I knew”, which in standard educated English is equivalent to “I don’t know, I have no idea” when the speaker actually means “I wish I had known”, as in “Things I wish I had known then which I know now”. “Things I wish I knew when I was thirteen” simply doesn’t cut it.

    Finally, the locution “it’s time” followed by a clause also requires the subjunctive: it’s time people stoppED being so sloppy in their use of accurate idiomatic English. Once again, I see and hear things like, “it’s time we do something against this”, which I find rather disturbing.

    Your Grammar Policeman.

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    1. Avatar
      Anonymous

      The main thing wrong with “it’s time” is that “about” has been left out.

      “It’s about time”

      or, for emphasis: “It’s about dang time.”

      “It’s high time” is also acceptable

      “It’s” is optional. 😉

      Peggy and Joe are getting married. About dang time.

      It’s high time he got a real job.

      etc.

      -ethyl

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    2. xykademiqz Avatar
      xykademiqz

      I fully endorse and second this bit of delicious grammar pedantry.

      I will raise you the maddening tendency I’ve noticed with younger people to use the past simple form of the verb in constructions where past participle should be used. For example, I often hear students say “should’ve went” instead of “should’ve gone.” This trend drives me bananas.

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    3. cliff arroyo Avatar
      cliff arroyo

      “I wonder what has led to the progressive loss of the subjunctive in US English”

      Two big trends…. the overall loss of inflectional endings which slowly continues… everywhere (different things are lost in different places). Languages have their own momentum and once inflections start being lost they don’t stop disappearing when someone thinks it would be nice…

      And, the second is possibly influence from AAVE (African American Vernacular English… horrible name for such an interesting spoken variety).

      “It should be “If I were her, I’d be…”

      Actually…. that looks like a contrafactual conditional rather than subjunctive to me….. (he said pedantically). In Spanish they call “si fuera…” imperfect subjunctive but historically it’s the imperfect conditional (very clear when you look at Italian equivalents).

      I use subjunctive in English but only in a very few cases… and often replace it with ‘should’

      ““should’ve went” “

      I’ve noticed that myself, even not being in the US…. I might put that down to AAVE influence as well (people using a non-standard form as a model while using the standard is… pretty common language behavior).

      I can imagine your reaction to “should of went”…

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  3. v07 Avatar
    v07

    You should look at it in context. I do not know if you know, but there is this conspiracy theory circulating on the Left that JD is going to divorce Usha and marry Erica Kirk, for political reasons, to consolidate white Christian nationalists behind him. Those for whom Usha is too liberal (wink wink), or not American-looking enough, or not religious enough / in the right way. So from this perspective what he said about Usha and her religious beliefs (or lack themof) is seen as preparing the ground for this move. Of course Usha knows JD much better than the conspiracy theorists do, so she might not have taken it this way at all. But It should not be a surprise for you that the Left sees everybody in this administration as psychopaths, capable of absolutely anything if it would advance their agenda.

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      From Vance’s autobiography, it’s clear that he’s completely dependent on Usha. He sees her as his class superior. She’s his ticket into a higher-class life.

      If he finds a way to stand on his own feet and break the dependence, for him as a human being it will be the best thing that can happen.

      Erica is not a good choice for him because she was to Charlie what Usha is to Vance. A very dominant personality.

      So yes, it’s an interesting situation. Will JD finally grow up? We are all on the edges of our seats.

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      1. cliff arroyo Avatar
        cliff arroyo

        ” he’s completely dependent on Usha”

        Exactly the kind of women that a certain kind of man dumps as soon as he thinks he can (lots of men don’t want the constant reminder of how much they owe their wives).

        “she was to Charlie what Usha is to Vance. A very dominant personality”

        I did not know that… and it make some of her recent actions make more sense. And it kind of makes me think if he did dump first wife that he’d still look for a dominant personality… just a different kind.

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          Yeah… It takes an enormous amount of personal growth to overcome the unresolved Mommy issues and stop looking for a good Mommy on your wife. (Or the other way round if it’s a woman.) I’m not saying it’s impossible but it’s very hard. Vance has been getting more masculine recently, so who knows. Let’s wait and see.

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  4. Frank Legros Avatar
    Frank Legros

    I come from a catholic family. I converted from atheism to Theravada Buddhism in 1995. My wife remains a catholic (non-practising). We’ve been married since 1982. My wife disapproved of my conversion, but it has never been an issue between us. I practise Buddhism (mantras and meditation) discreetly, and that’s it. Our children, who were born before my conversion, were raised catholic. I never talked about my religion to them.

    Incidentally, when I became a Buddhist, I didn’t lose a single Christian friend. In my opinion, here in France people notice how fast christianity is losing ground to atheism and Islam, and it worries them, especially the latter. Therefore buddhism, whose adherents (mostly East Asians) do not cause trouble, is easily accepted.

    Ally Sammarco seems to think that JD Vance pesters his wife everyday in vain attempts to make her convert to Catholicism. That’s certainly not true. Usha is certainly happy to have a husband who is less likely to misbehave, since he takes religion seriously, and I guess that JD is happy about Usha being what she is.

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  5. oldcowboy3 Avatar
    oldcowboy3

    Well, we were proverbially “unevenly yoked”; my wife, deeply Christian, myself, a doubting Thomas. This is not an unusual, nor even a recent, situation, the Apostle Paul spoke of this. But she would most probably have never gone out with me seriously if she had not noticed the Bible in my small library.

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. Avatar
    Anonymous

    I assume you have no conflicts about this because your husband doesn’t object to his daughter being intellectually abused. Does he go to church with you?

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      Ah. Our perennially inflamed guest is back. Our respite was so brief yet so sweet.

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Avatar
        Anonymous

        heh. It’s only Christianity though. Would wager it is not considered abuse to raise kids Muslim, Buddhist, Shinto, Pagan Polytheist, Confucian, etc.

        The real question is, what’s their very personal, very specific beef with Jesus Christ?

        Liked by 1 person

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          It doesn’t make sense to rebel against somebody that doesn’t exist. There’s got to be a real interlocutor on the other side of an abusive phone call.

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          1. Avatar
            Anonymous

            IKR?

            They’re really, seriously, all-in enraged at a Person they claim isn’t real.

            Curious.

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  7. Stringer Bell Avatar
    Stringer Bell

    Remember the report that came out a few weeks ago that the majority of advice given on the internet re: relationships is “just leave him/her?” Unhappy single people encouraging others to become just like them.

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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