Today I attended my penultimate Chairs’ meeting. I have been going to these every two weeks for six years. At this point, I know exactly what everybody is going to say and at what moment in the meeting. I could write a script.
About 30 minutes in, the Chair of Social Work is going to say, “I don’t want to make this about myself,” and then will proceed to talk about herself for the next 30 minutes.
Almost immediately after that, the Chair of Criminal Justice is going to start to flirt clumsily with the Dean, while the Dean, who is very gay, is going to look extremely uncomfortable and disturbed.
The Chair of Mathematics is going to talk in a very quiet voice for a very long time about something utterly incomprehensible.
The Chair of Geography will wake up briefly and in a booming voice inform us that he is very unhappy with everything.
Thirty minutes before the scheduled end of the meeting, the Chair of Foreign Languages—that’s me, obvs—will get up and start crashing through the undergrowth on her way to the nearest exit.
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