Sign up for a free recipe e-book →

Clarissa's Blog

A Dating Recession

Published by

Clarissa

on

Numbers 2 and 3 on this list are coquettishness. “Looking for a relationship” sounds needy and sad. Everybody wants to pretend they aren’t even looking because one is in such high demand that one doesn’t need to look.

Number 1 is concerning, and the people to blame are the moms. Where do young women observe married mothers? First and foremost, at home and in the lives of their friends. It has become fashionable to assume the put-upon, perennially aggrieved and overburdened persona if you are a married mother. I hang out with literally zero married mothers because even though I understand and they understand that it’s all a performance, I can’t take the constant self-pity and negativity.

Number 4 on the list is, in my very strong opinion, entirely down to men. Young women aren’t dating anybody seriously because nobody is offering. I once again strongly recommend Jem Calder’s novel I Want You To Be Happy for a detailed portrayal of what that looks like.

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating. What is causing the problem is our shared, utterly misguided understanding of happiness and freedom. We are confusing these young people and leading them to loneliness and misery.

7 responses to “A Dating Recession”

  1. ShadowsCollide Avatar
    ShadowsCollide

    You’re right about why young women don’t want to get married because of the 1st reason, I grew up hearing from my mother that men are losers and trash and her henpecking our father if he wanted to watch football on the weekends. Then she married a real loser and spent the next ten years complaining about what a bum he was, I grew up thinking marriage sucked and married life was hell.

    This is also affected my older brother as well, he’s a lifelong bachelor and celibate who plays online games and builds Warhammer kite in his spare time. He respected our father and his uncles who served in the military and heard our Mom complaining about Dad and his stepfather, it’s no wonder both of us are lifelong celibates and he has a huge anime and Warhammer collection

    Like

    Reply
  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    I guess I am doing something right then since my 24yo decided to date last year, had several dates with several guys and learned what was important to her. Then early this year a serious young man (cute, smart and funny) from church asked her out and she is excited about their impending engagement and being a mom at some soonish time.

    A.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      I LOVE these stories. So so happy for you and your daughter.

      Yesterday I discussed the stories of some friends’ children with my mother:

      A 36-year-old woman, unmarried and childless
      A 48-year-old man, unmarried and childless
      A 42-year-old woman, unmarried and childless

      All three have good jobs, make decent money, look nice, and take good care of themselves. None of them ever had a serious relationship. Something went seriously wrong.

      These three people are from different families. So it’s not one cluster of family dysfunction that is creating the problem.

      Like

      Reply
  3. oldcowboy3 Avatar
    oldcowboy3

    Well Kid, from my experience, women are not willing to listen to a guy*, maybe you should get some advice from Suzanne Venker or her ilk. Only one of my nieces is still married, one may remarry, the grand nieces are a complete bust. The nephews are all divorced, maybe able to salvage one. The adopted kids have both obviously strongly bonded, but no sign of engagement/marriage. Finances?

    *still remember the uproar that resulted when I suggested what men wanted ;-D

    Like

    Reply
    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      OK, now you have to reveal what you suggested because I can’t take the suspense.

      Like

      Reply
  4. xykademiqz Avatar
    xykademiqz

    I wish I could offer wisdom on how to find a great, committed partner, but I think I lucked out and managed not to screw it up (at least not irreparably). My husband was always steadfast in his commitment and patient with my disorganized-attachment pain-in-the-ass self (I didn’t know all this at the time) until I managed to calm the heck down and relax in the relationship.

    But I do think that it helps to have genuine passions and career aspirations and not be 100% focused on the relationship. Being overfocused on romance puts too much pressure on everyone involved. People need to chill and live and let live. I know it’s a cliche “You will find someone when you least expect it” but it’s true, I think, in that being focused on other stuff in your life makes you give off an attractive, confident vibe as opposed to waft of neediness. It also helps with point 1 in the chart: a woman is more than her marriage and family; keeping that core part of self strong is key for long-term happiness and is not hard with a truly supportive partner.

    Btw, another thing I notice is that people these days are paranoid about settling, as if each of us is guaranteed a supermodel soulmate, and as if hotness of partner is key to long-term happiness. Of course, sexual compatibility is extremely important, but that has little to do with conventional attractiveness. Shared values (religion, politics, attitude toward parenting and money), similar education, and overlap in cultural tastes (so you can have fun together) are important for harmony once the hormonal cocktail of the honeymoon period wears off. And love absolutely deepens and transforms over time into something that’s very hard to imagine when you first meet someone … but they have to be kind, loving, patient, and committed.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  5. oldcowboy3 Avatar
    oldcowboy3

    Okay, I can handle uproar, be afraid, be very afraid. As I remember, it as just common sense, long acquired female wisdom, things that grandmothers or great aunts would warned against — before their advice was destroyed by feminasties calling them ignorant prudes. Remain chaste; understand that a woman’s glory is her hair, neither cut nor shave it; likewise, don’t mar your beauty with tattooing or metal studs; and always strive to behave in a feminine manner. So basically in the current era, always attempt to be that proverbial woman whose worth is far beyond rubies ;-D

    Like

    Reply

Leave a comment

A conservative literary critic and college professor

Recent posts