Clarissa's Blog

A woman at work asked if I was dressed like a hippie for Halloween. This is how I was dressed:

I deeply dislike hippies, so now I’m rethinking the dress.

Every single mainstream news story for an insane number of years is exactly this:

Once you see it, good luck unseeing it.

And here’s the last therapy-related question from this batch:

Why do so many people need therapy these days?

A bunch of reasons come together to create the need:

1. People have a lot more leisure.
2. People do a lot less physically demanding activity than their body needs.
3. People are a lot less religious.
4. People don’t make things with their hands.

Leisure is great if you can fill it with sublimating activities such as creating art, being in nature, gardening, etc. Otherwise, it offers a great breeding ground for neuroses.

Dude, this sounds very serious. You need institutional, on-the-ground help. I have no idea what’s available in your area but help is definitely in order.

If you are dealing with an adult who brings up or threatens suicide, you need to shut that down and, ideally, remove yourself from the situation. Threatening suicide is manipulative and shouldn’t be humored. This, of course, is different in the case of a child.

I’m very worried about this boy and I hope there’s help available.

To avoid starting a new post, here’s the type of (adult) person you should always avoid in addition to the performatively suicidal:

• The terminally unlucky also known as “a walking disaster.” These are people who constantly get in trouble at a rate much higher then normal. They can’t go through the day without injuring themselves, blowing a tire, losing important documents, and experiencing every minor misfortune known to humanity.
• People whose life strategy is built on devaluing yours.
• People who try to establish an unequal power dynamic by often offering unsolicited advice.

Coronavirus found in samples from 96% of flights

If you believe it's now safe to fly without a protective mask, you might want to think again. New research shows the COVID-19 virus has been found on nearly every flight tested.https://t.co/UL9o7UkvOG pic.twitter.com/fPXnaRxO9I

— SARS‑CoV‑2 (COVID-19) (@COVID19_disease) October 30, 2025

They read the exact same information as everybody but arrive at the exact opposite conclusion than people with a functioning brain.

I’m listening on Audible to a book titled Motherland: A Feminist History of Modern Russia, from Revolution to Autocracy by Julia Ioffe. I’m only half through and not ready to opine on the book but I have to mention something that is very annoying and detracts from my reading pleasure. Ioffe reads the book herself, and even though her family emigrated from the USSR when she was only 7, she somehow managed to develop a nasty moss cow accent in her Russian. (The book is in English but Ioffe pronounces names and some phrases in Russian).

I can’t stand the moss cow accent. It’s ugly, it’s stupid. One doesn’t expect it from somebody who left the country at 7.

OK, I feel better now and can continue reading.

Developmental goals of each age are different. I went through a whole stage where all I wanted was to chase boys, engage in materialistic pursuits, and thought reading and especially being an academic were dumb things to do. You should have heard the contempt I heaped at people who learned Latin and the hatred I had for bookishness. And look at me now.

If you told me you had a preteen who was all about academics and productivity goals, then I’d worry. But yours sounds eminently normal. Please remember that pre-teen girls do come off as dumb and disorganized because their bodies are preparing for the enormous transformation of puberty. Without knowing that she’s doing it, your little girl is gathering energy to start turning into a woman. Girls become very forgetful and distracted at this age. They lose things all the time, and it feels like they are doing it on purpose. But it’s completely physical and in no way predicts what they will be as adults.

Remember mommy brain? When you were in the third trimester and then in the first year of your child’s life? The brain fog, the forgetfulness? I didn’t write a single line in that time. I felt completely stupid. It was because my body was occupied with the task of gestating and then nourishing a child. It’s a stage. It’s similar with preteen girls. It will all pass. She’ll be fine.

I’ve got a bunch of therapy-related questions, and here is the first one:

During the sessions, do you feel that your way of thinking about something is pierced and transformed by an insight? Do you go, “oh, wow, I never thought of it this way but it totally makes sense”?

Do you feel that you have extra energy? This is something that happens pretty immediately if things are going to work.

Do you feel lighter?

Do you feel that you need unhealthy compensatory mechanisms less?

Do you smoke, drink, vape, eat, game, scroll, etc less?

Do you feel a need to be more physically active?

If none of this is happening and the problems you initially wanted to address aren’t resolving either, then it might not be working. It’s very possible that the therapist is great and you are great but the relationship between the two of you can’t give you the relief you need.

Excellent advice for people who are looking for a therapist:

Avoid therapists whose websites/listings use therapy-speak buzzwords

Safe space, holding space, healing journey, holistic, energetic, parts work, shadow work, gratitude, narcissistic abuse, toxic, inner child, trauma-informed, self-love, self-care🚩

What are your🚩buzzwords? https://t.co/T7tkAVxdZ1

— Jonathan Shedler (@JonathanShedler) October 29, 2025

All these buzzwords are gigantic, pulsating, neon red flags.

I have changed my mind about China and have become a fan. That happened because I discovered the only fast food I like, and that is Panda Express. Which I know has the most tenuous connection to actual Chinese food but who cares? It’s still very enjoyable.

Of course, I don’t get the rice and only ask for very specific items on the menu in very small boxes. But it’s done. I’m now pro-China.