Tag: humor

Those Horrible Male Chauvinist Pigs

~ Clarissa ~ 74 Comments

A feminist blogger has published a truly offensive letter she got from a male reader. Here it is for your perusal but, please, prepare to be shocked. This male chauvinist is completely out of control in his desire to demean a feminist blogger:

While I am a dude, and disagree with a lot of your worldview, I’d like to let you know I really enjoy reading your blog. You’re a very good writer and your posts are entertaining and thought-stimulating. Please keep up the good work — there is a paucity of actual quality content in the blogosphere, and I daresay that you’re propping up the mean.

Could you believe the gall? Those pigs feel they can just insult a female writer in this horrible way for the simple reason she is a woman. This is what the brave feminist responded to the offending reader:

When women write me, they never, ever tell me that I am “a very good writer” and to “keep up the good work” because there isn’t enough decent writing on the Internet. Women say things like “that post on consent changed my life,” or “Now I know I’m not alone/crazy/hysterical.”

Dudes, on the other hand, always feel compelled to inform me that they disagree with me (this is a non-negotiable component of dude fan mail), but that they are nevertheless are willing to be entertained by me. They usually include a couple of 25-cent words, like “daresay” and “paucity.” “Keep up the good work” is another essential element. Thanks for the dudely encouragement, dude! Because I was totally thinking about packing up shop and opening up a pole dancing studio at Whole Foods.

You go, sister! This will show them chauvinists how to compliment one’s writing. Jerks.

Of course, in the spirit of full disclosure, I received two similar emails from readers in the past week. The word “paucity” wasn’t used but the compliments to my writing were worded in a very similar way. Those readers are women, though. So now I don’t know how to interpret their emails. A terrifying suspicion has crept in: might they be wolves in sheep’s clothing, i.e. dudes in disguise?

What I Have Done to Adapt

~ Clarissa ~ 27 Comments

People have somehow gathered from my recent posts that I defend the right of immigrants not to adapt in any way to their new country. Nothing could be further from my point of view. I emigrated twice, and every time worked hard on figuring out how things worked in my new country and adapting to them. Unless you are willing to engage in such efforts, you have no business emigrating, in my opinion. One of the reasons why emigration can be so helpful to one’s personal development is precisely that one goes through this transformative process and learn new things about oneself. (Zygmunt Bauman talks about it better than I ever could, so I won’t retell his ideas.)

So here are some of the things that I learned to do differently after I emigrated:

– I now pay taxes honestly and in full. What’s more, it makes me feel good to do so.

– I haven’t plagiarized a single assignment when I was a student. (In my country, you had to quote without attributing. It was required.)

– All of my whorish attires have been sacrificed. Oh, I miss them sorely. . .  🙂

– I now say “Hi, how are you?”, “Please” and “Thank you.” Sometimes, I even smile at strangers.

– I don’t steal office supplies from work. I have been tempted, I confess, but I haven’t done it.

– When a stranger politely addresses me in the street with “Excuse me, Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you”, I don’t bark “What??” in response. I’ve even been known to say, “Yes, how can I help you?” a couple of times.

– I don’t toady to my supervisors at work.

– I don’t humiliate, offend or demean students in any way.

– During departmental meetings, I vote my conscience, even when everybody else’s vote is different.

– I refuse to be afraid of expressing my opinion.

– I have learned to enjoy a hamburger. (That’s one of the most surprising adjustments to me.)

– I don’t call people after 9 pm and don’t arrive unannounced at their doorstep.

– When a bar closes at an ungodly hour of 11 pm, I meekly pack up and go home.

– I don’t scoff at everything any man says the second he says it. I now listen and even engage in a dialogue.

– I have learned to wait in line for a bus, instead of running to the doors like a tornado, sweeping everybody off my path.

There is room for growth, of course, since I am yet to learn to operate a grill, remember what sport St. Louis Cardinals play, and wear jeans.

What did you do to adapt to a country where you emigrated, studied or lived for a while?

My Mother And a Gynecologist

~ Clarissa ~ 2 Comments

Gynecologist: So, Mrs. B., date of birth October 13, 1920. When was your last menstruation?

My mother: Well, since you think I’m 90, then probably about 40 years ago.