Think of a person you know of your own gender whom you really really really dislike. Now, list the qualities this person has that bug you so much.

My most unlikeable person is:

– cold;

– distant;

– mean;

– robotic;

– overachieving;

– harsh;

– indifferent;

– garishly dressed;

– self-centered like there is no tomorrow.

Now, describe the person you dislike the most.

Do you know what we just described? Ourselves. The qualities I hate so much in my person X might or might not be ones she actually possesses. But we do know for sure (on the basis of my intense dislike of her) that I possess them. And I don’t like them in myself, which is why I project them onto her and then dissociate myself from them by saying, “God, I hate X. for being this way! And if I do, then, certainly, I’m nothing like that.”