People have somehow gathered from my recent posts that I defend the right of immigrants not to adapt in any way to their new country. Nothing could be further from my point of view. I emigrated twice, and every time worked hard on figuring out how things worked in my new country and adapting to them. Unless you are willing to engage in such efforts, you have no business emigrating, in my opinion. One of the reasons why emigration can be so helpful to one’s personal development is precisely that one goes through this transformative process and learn new things about oneself. (Zygmunt Bauman talks about it better than I ever could, so I won’t retell his ideas.)
So here are some of the things that I learned to do differently after I emigrated:
– I now pay taxes honestly and in full. What’s more, it makes me feel good to do so.
– I haven’t plagiarized a single assignment when I was a student. (In my country, you had to quote without attributing. It was required.)
– All of my whorish attires have been sacrificed. Oh, I miss them sorely. . . 🙂
– I now say “Hi, how are you?”, “Please” and “Thank you.” Sometimes, I even smile at strangers.
– I don’t steal office supplies from work. I have been tempted, I confess, but I haven’t done it.
– When a stranger politely addresses me in the street with “Excuse me, Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you”, I don’t bark “What??” in response. I’ve even been known to say, “Yes, how can I help you?” a couple of times.
– I don’t toady to my supervisors at work.
– I don’t humiliate, offend or demean students in any way.
– During departmental meetings, I vote my conscience, even when everybody else’s vote is different.
– I refuse to be afraid of expressing my opinion.
– I have learned to enjoy a hamburger. (That’s one of the most surprising adjustments to me.)
– I don’t call people after 9 pm and don’t arrive unannounced at their doorstep.
– When a bar closes at an ungodly hour of 11 pm, I meekly pack up and go home.
– I don’t scoff at everything any man says the second he says it. I now listen and even engage in a dialogue.
– I have learned to wait in line for a bus, instead of running to the doors like a tornado, sweeping everybody off my path.
There is room for growth, of course, since I am yet to learn to operate a grill, remember what sport St. Louis Cardinals play, and wear jeans.
What did you do to adapt to a country where you emigrated, studied or lived for a while?
Clarissa's Blog 
Most of these just in reverse . . . plus speaking louder, faster, and in what my former self would consider an aggressive manner. I think you may just be in the wrong part of the US for whorish outfits–shoulda kept them for travel.
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Yes, I forgot this one! I still make constant efforts not to speak very loud.
As to whorish outfits, you are right. My sister want back to Ukraine a while ago and really stood out. People thought she was either religious or sick because she was so covered up. But there is no place in the US where one can appear dressed the way we are used to in public and not get stopped by the police. Remember the woman in NYC who was detained for biking in short shorts? Those shorts are like a nun’s attire in my country. 🙂
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You say yourself you have adapted. Why not believe that everybody else is just as capable of doing it?
Also, I’m getting confused because you seem to be saying that you are an immigrant but I recall that you recently corrected me and said you were an American. Which one is true? I’m just curious, that’s all.
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Sorry, I didn’t see this right away. You finished with “emigrated, studied, or lived for a while” so I was responding to that. I’m an American who has lived and studied in Egypt (hence doing these in reverse–apparently some things are similar to Ukraine). I believe people are capable of adapting, but it takes time (or took me anyway), and I don’t think they can/should/have to change everything. There are cultural practices I dislike in both the US and Egypt for example, and I don’t think I can change that based on my geographic location. As for covering one’s face/hair, I don’t see that as a sign of non-adaption in the US, nor do I feel upset or offended by it as an item of clothing because in my experience it tells you nothing about the person wearing it. As a less controversial example, many Americans wear shorts in hot weather and think it is weird to wear pants. Many immigrants I know think shorts are a strange item of clothing and don’t want to wear them. Others do. I don’t see the wearing of shorts as necessary for integration in the US or a good indicator of the extent of someone’s integration.
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Wait… You said you did these things to adapt. Does that mean you did them before emigrating ? Like stealing office supplies, not fully paying your taxes and demeaning students ?
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I never paid taxes in Ukraine because students were not allowed to work by law. Police would come to class to arrest students who were discovered working. Taxes for small businesses constituted 104 percent of your total income. Everybody avoided taxes and cheated in Ukraine. Every single person.
I worked at home, so there wasn’t a place from which I could have stolen office supplies. I’m sure I’d have done it if a had a chance.
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I’ve learned that when I have a problem with someone, I should either assume it’s just my fault and avoid the issue, or approach them about it very very meekly, because apparently that’s how Americans do things.
If I do it the way they do it in Israel, I get called all kinds of names.
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– I pay taxes religiously. I was told before emigrating to fear the IRS more than any other federal agency. I do it.
– I reserve my leg showing skirts only for the weekend. When I was in grad school, one day I went to teach after spending the night at a guy’s place,so I didn’t have time to change. Form fitting black skirt, black tights, black turtleneck and knee high boots. Nobody said a word throughout the whole hour, and I later learned that I had been nicknamed the “German dominatrix”. I got great evaluations, though.
-I finally gave up and got my drivers license at age 32. The first day I drove, I proceeded to go the wrong way on a one way street in a really rough part of town. Later, I turned out to be an excellent driver, provided I don’t listen to music or the radio (I can only hyper-focus on one thing at the time).
– I confess that if I have to print work-related things at home, I will take paper for the printer from work. And won’t return whatever is left after I do the printing. But that’s the extent of what I do.
-I learned that when people ask me “How are you?”, they are not really expecting an answer. So I say “Fine, thanks”, instead of getting into a five minutes explanation of how I am.
– I started following the baseball team in my current city. I’ve even gone to bars to watch games, and I ocasionally get tickets to the stadium.
– I try to stay up to date as much as I can on popular culture, so I can relate better to my students. It’s an impossible task, though, but I do what I can.
– I’ve learned to use certain stereotypes about Hispanics to my own advantage. So if I’m too loud or passionate about something, I just attribute it to my “hot Latina blood”.
– I tried going to the Unitarian Church. I lasted one day, since I couldn’t see myself waking up early on a Sunday to go to Church just for the sake of having a social network. The synagogues in my town are really far away and very conservative, so that’s not an option either.
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You are light-years ahead of me in terms of integration. 🙂 This makes sense, though, since, in my experience, Russian-speaking immigrants are one of the toughest groups to integrate while Hispanic immigrants are one of the easiest groups to do so.
“I’ve learned to use certain stereotypes about Hispanics to my own advantage. So if I’m too loud or passionate about something, I just attribute it to my “hot Latina blood””
-Me, too! Now every social gaffe I commit is ascribed to my different cultural background. 😉
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Absolutely!!
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Or I will show my command of dark humor and then add: “Hey, I’m Jewish, I can say those things”, if somebody is too horrified.
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I also go in a tragic, shaky voice with a suddenly over-exaggerated accent, “English is not my language. Please excuse my mistakes.” The funny thing is that nobody sees the humor of the situation. People just feel uncomfortable and start apologizing. 🙂
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Hercule Poirot would be proud of you 🙂
Spanish Prof, I’m confused: if you’re Latina, why would they call you a German dominatrix? But I learned the same thing about “How are you?” as well. Americans use “How are you?” the same way the English use “How do you do”.
The biggest adjustment I made was Miriam’s, however: pretending I didn’t notice something unpleasant or being very offhand and pleasant about it. I haven’t mastered being meek, though, and frankly, I still haven’t worked out why Americans think any manner even slightly warmer than polite placidity is “aggressive”. It’s hard for loud, passionate, argumentative cultures like ours 😛
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@Rimi: I’m actually a white Jew who happened to have been born in Argentina. But with Americans compulsion for clasifying everybody, I get call Latina, Hispanic and what not. I couldn’t care less. Because of my English accent and the way I look (I’m 5’10, weight 185 pounds, was a swimmer for years and have the shoulders to prove it, I’m very pale -though brunnete) people who don’t know me think I’m Eastern European. My students knew I’m from Argentina, but I guess they associated Eastern Europe, imposing look, all black attire, and just came up with “German” dominatrix.
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Well, I like making people feel uncomfortable occasionally. Followed-up by a light joke. Dead-panning is an art I have perfected, and the key to my success as a teacher
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“I don’t humiliate, offend or demean students in any way.”
Wait, did you do it in USSR? Why? If not, why do you think you would do it there?
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Since I left at the age of 22, I didn’t get much of a chance to teach students. I guess I would, though, given an opportunity, because everybody else did and I didn’t know any better.
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Why German?
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Repeating explanation from above: I’m actually a white Jew who happened to have been born in Argentina. But with Americans compulsion for clasifying everybody, I get call Latina, Hispanic and what not. I couldn’t care less. Because of my English accent and the way I look (I’m 5’10, weight 185 pounds, was a swimmer for years and have the shoulders to prove it, I’m very pale -though brunnete) people who don’t know me think I’m Eastern European. My students knew I’m from Argentina, but I guess they associated Eastern Europe, imposing look, all black attire, and just came up with “German” dominatrix.
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Thanks! 🙂 I’m glad to learn something new. So, Germany is situated in Eastern Europe. I always thought this was Central Europe. 😉
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Well, 10 years ago, to the classical question “Where are you from?”, and my reply “Take a guess”, that person said “Eastern Germany”. Later, I realized that I should have asked him why did I look from East Germany and not from West Germany.
Technically, I don’t know how you classify Germany. I know it’s not Eastern Europe. Maybe for some people, since there was a part of German that was a part of the Eastern Bloc, they do not make a distinction between, say, Czech Republic and Germany. But again, geography is not my strongest suit. And guessing people’s train of thoughts either.
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I learned to be less formal (addressing Professors by their first name in the UK) and more formal (adressing people with ma ‘Madam’ and sa ‘Sir’ and kneeling in Nigeria). I forgot how to use formal pronouns (because of their absence in English and in Foreigner Spanish). I adopted saying “how are you” in English and “bawo ni” in Yoruba as a greeting (thus no question marks) and making promises that I don’t intend to keep (because it is the only way to silence a Nigerian who begs for a new mobile phone, camera, laptop …). I started to put milk in my tea (because of the Englishs), to undercook my pasta (because of the Italians) and to love avocado (because of a dear Mexican friend). I dislike British food but cherish German breakfasts and soups, Italian and Chinese lunch or dinner main courses, European continental desserts and dodo (fried plantain). I stopped eating bread on a regular basis because non-German bread usually is a disappointment (Nigerian one being the worst followed by the US-American variety). I practiced eating with chop sticks (because of a Taiwanese and a Malaysian friend) and failed but managed to eat pounded yams with my hands only (thanks to very patient Nigerians). I highly respect people who give up meat for ethical reasons (such as my Taiwanese friend) and read that this is not uncommon in Asia. I felt happy to see London’s diverse population, after spending a few months without hardly ever seeing another non-black face in Nigeria. I came to value the hospitality of non-Germans and internationalised Germans and compared it to the closedness of my own family. I wrote more poems inspired by Nigerian academic friends. I wore a head tie in Nigeria and was going to get a scarf for a trip to Iran (but it never took place in the end). I sat an hour per week in a church in Wisconsin and many more hours in churches in Nigeria. I met scary Christian fanatics (mainly Nigerians) and Christians who let me see their faith in a positive light (especially a Nigerian pastor and a US-American friend). I got used to cars driving on the left (in the UK) or wherever there is space (in Nigeria). I missed safe roads and pedestrian paths in Nigeria and disliked the Nigerian and US-American public transport systems. I realised that German stores do a good deed in charging customers for plastic bags, which are given away for free and en mass in other countries. I grew annoyed by German bureaucracy and the costly and unfair German health system, after returning from the UK. I’ve seen a lot of interesting places and met so many different people. What I am looking for now is a person who shares my interests, values and dreams and who’d like to spent his/her life with me, but I am not trying to find this person online.
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Perhaps you should do a post on the things you refused to change. I, for instance, moved to the US at the ripe old age of 23, and I refused to change the way I spoke and wrote English (spellings, especially). I did add new words to my internal lexicon, though (proctor for invigilator, cans for tins, overpass for footbridge), and edited out idiosyncratic usages unique to India, because no one would get them in the US.
Not that anyone except one professor ever asked me to, and her smiling, soft-spoken polite insistence set my teeth on edge, especially since she upheld an image of deep dedicated to cultural diversity.
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@Rimi: I have one up in my blog that expands on my comments in this post, and addresses how I negotiated different issues.
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Thank you 🙂
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Clarissa, I am curious about the connotations revealing clothing hold in Ukraine (and Russia as well). I grew up partly as an expatriate kid in a Muslim-majority country, so I was constantly bombarded with negative remarks about revealing clothing and the women who wear it. In these eastern European nations is there little to no stigma to showing one’s body?
Biking and roller-blading around in shorts and a tank top certainly often resulted in local men following me around and making gross comments. Now to me this was absurd; it would at times be 45 C and very humid, making clothing in general just unbearable to wear outside. I was a young girl then, and this really messed with my perception of my body and made be afraid to be outside at times.
Back home in LA, I still grapple with this issue, and often thing about the way women’s movement and attire impact their treatment…
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Yes, we tend to wear very revealing clothing. This is something I first had to learn in my country and then unlearn after immigrating. Now when I see women fresh from Ukraine or Russia, I feel embarassed.
The idea of women as a product that needs to be ready for consumption at all times is very popular in our coiuntries. 😦
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