I just told N. a story from my past and it turns out that our reaction to it is completely different. So I decided to post it here and let my readers tell me what they think.
Many years ago, when I lived in New Haven, CT, I once came home and discovered an unknown gentleman waiting for me in front of the door to my building.
“Hi,” the gentleman said. “I live in the building opposite yours and my windows face the windows of your apartment. I’ve been watching you for a while and I really like you.”
“OK,” I said and proceeded to enter my building.
“So would you like to go out with me?” the gentleman inquired.
“No!” I responded and slammed the door behind me.
Now, N. thinks that I was wrong in considering the guy weird and creepy.
What do you, dear readers, think? Was my neighbor being stalky or romantic?
Clarissa's Blog 
Damn right he was creepy. I would have told him to leave before I call the police.
Stalking is never romantic.
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Right? I lived in that building for years and it never occurred to me to peek into his windows.
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No there is nothing at all creepy about a stranger staring at you through your window. Nothing unsettling about this stranger waiting for your arrival, informing you he’s visually penetrated the privacy of your home and has done so for some time while you thought you were safe and alone behind closed doors, and with his next breath trying to pick you up. Can’t imagine why that would creep you out. Also I like to run around town naked covered in chocolate sauce and screw random passers-by on the hoods of cars.
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Sheesh, if only I liked chocolate, I could so join you in this noble pursuit. š
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Do what you can with dijonnaise.
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STALKER!!!!
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Well my initial response is that I wouldn’t like it and I would feel perturbed and threatened. I’ve had similar situations occur to me and they were scary. The stories I could tell. I’ve also been told by others that I over-react, which is bothersome as well given the situations. Some people are emotionally numb and clueless.
Have you ever read, “The Gift of Fear,” by Gavin de Becker? I’d recommend it.
There are also cases of men who simply do not “get it” and some types of men are pretty clueless as to how to approach women in ways which would not feel so threatening. It can be difficult assessing some situations, but I always go with my gut feeling.
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Do you know the difference between Romance and Stalking ?
Romance happens in Movies. If you do it in real life, it’s Stalking.
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š
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Creepy, definitely creepy. What tips it over in to the ‘eurgh’ territory is the suggestion that he’s been stalking you. I find particularly peculiar the suggestion that he ‘likes you’ – he’s never even spoken to you, he doesn’t know you and therefore the only thing he can possibly like except your appearance is the fantasy girl inside his head, and that just adds extra eurgh. Him being a neighbour just adds a layer of awkward sauce to the icky.
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While there may be nothing wrong with him beyond a complete lack of social skills (or a fixation with movie romances), definitely creepy.
From “I’ve been watching you for a while” to “Want to go out?” in 20 seconds.
And of course, what he really means by “I really like you” is “I know nothing about you, but have built up a fantasy image about you without your knowledge or input, and now would really like to have you fit the mold I’ve put you into.”
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“āI know nothing about you, but have built up a fantasy image about you without your knowledge or input, and now would really like to have you fit the mold Iāve put you into.ā”
-Exactly!
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“And of course, what he really means by āI really like youā is āI know nothing about you, but have built up a fantasy image about you without your knowledge or input, and now would really like to have you fit the mold Iāve put you into.ā
Quite frankly this is exactly how I experience most people and it is why I dislike interactions with so many of them. With very little information people make sweeping generalizations–they seem to make things up as they go alone.
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Such generalizations make the world seem easier to understand. This is why I prefer to spend time with my fellow autistics who are often incapable of this kind of generalizations and approach everybody on a person-by-person basis.
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Creepy. Definitely creepy. But at least he was up front about the creepy. He could have been more circumspect – ‘I’ve noticed you around and think you look really interesting…’ – and the creepy would only have appeared later. So points for being an obvious stalker, perhaps.
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Creepy. (It’s unanimous!)
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Absolutely creepy. Without a doubt. Particularly, “. . .and my windows face the windows of your apartment. Iāve been watching you for a while and I really like you.” Gives me the shivers, frankly
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‘N’ is most certainly wrong. If you like someone, you get to know them. You don’t spontaneously apparate in front of their house demanding entry.
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Only you get to decide what’s creepy. Besides, what the fuck does N know? They weren’t there. They didn’t experience it.
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Creepy. In addtion, it would be even scarier if the weirdo would be smiling nicely.
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