It bothers me when people try to promote their own way of living their sexuality as the only “good” one. In a recent discussion of whether people have the right to know the number of sexual partners their significant others had before meeting them, Hugo Schwyzer presents his choice not to know as somehow more ideologically sound than its opposite:
When we’re in a monogamous relationship, what we have a right to insist on is that no names get added to the list after our own. It doesn’t matter if I’m number five or 55. I’ll be crushed if my wife adds a number six or a 56 behind my back.
But the right to ask to be last is not the same as the right to know how far we are from the first. And for me, part of being a good man is knowing what I don’t need to know.
According to this definition, I’m not a good woman because, for me, it is very important to know. Mind you, I’m not saying that people who choose not to ask are wrong and something is not good in their relationship. This is a matter of personal preference and it makes no sense, in my opinion, to attach an ideological significance to it.
Those of us who insist on knowing are in no way less “good” than those who don’t care to know.