Online Dating Story #3

I have a lot of these stories, people. So when you start getting fed up with them, just let me know.

Once, my friend met a guy online who invited her on a date and, as often happens, asked her to bring a friend for his friend. She asked me to come and told me, “This guy says he is very tall, and so is his friend, so we will have no trouble recognizing them. Apparently, he is 6’10 and his friend is 6’8.”

When we arrived at the restaurant, we recognized our dates (let’s call them A and B) immediately. They were, indeed, very tall. This would not have posed any kind of a problem for us except for the fact that this was the only thing they wanted to talk about.

During the most boring dinner in the history of humanity, my friend and I were regaled with stories about how tall famous athletes are, what the median height of people on different continents is, how the height of the Earth’s population keeps growing, and so on.

My friend and I were bored stiff. I can’t even talk about my own height for more than 2 minutes without getting bored, let alone about somebody else’s. We tried changing the subject as hard as we could but A and B had no interest in anything that didn’t involve feet and inches. Music, books, movies, work, television, traveling – nothing managed to distract them from their fixation on height.

Finally, my friend (who is normally extremely reserved around strangers) got so desperate for a change of topic that she blurted out,

“So how do you guys feel about oral sex?”

I choked on my food, but A and B just looked bored. Then, B brightened up and announced happily,

“You know what just occurred to me? Having oral sex with a short guy must really SUCK! Pun intended!”

A and B looked at each other and burst into laughter.

This was when I realized I was wasting my life on this date.

“I left an iron on at home,” I said. “I need to go unplug it.”

“Yes,” my friend said. “I also left my iron on. And I also need to go home and unplug it. Let’s go and unplug our irons, Clarissa.”

As we were getting up, A exclaimed,

“And I thought we would go dancing after this! Don’t you ladies want to experience what dancing with two REALLY tall guys feels like?”

At that point, I felt like I didn’t want to hear the word “tall” ever again in my life, so we left. It might be a total coincidence but within two months both my friend and I were seriously dating two short men.