Small Children and Personal Space

My niece Klubnikis is not a cuddly child. Even as a small baby, she almost never felt like being cuddled or held for purposes other than breast-feeding. Today, when she is almost two, one has to ask her permission to kiss and hug her. More often than not, the answer is a decisive “No!”

Klubnikis’s mother thought she found a way of sneaking a kiss or two by her daughter. Last night, she came by Klubnikis’s bed and tried kissing her in her sleep. The little girl, however, was vigilant even then.

“No, Mama! Kisses no!” she muttered without waking up.

I have to tell you, it’s a struggle to refrain from kissing this child. She has these velvety apple-like cheeks that seem to beg to be kissed. Klubnikis’s parents, however, realize that their daughter is not a toy or a pet. From the moment she was born, she was a human being with her own rights and needs that have to be respected. A child’s need for personal space has to hold a greater priority than her parents’ and relatives’ understandable longing to cuddle her and cover her with kisses.

As much as we all want to kiss Klubnikis, we always remember that she needs to be brought up in an environment where her personal space and her body integrity are respected. She needs to know that she can always refuse physical contact and expect her wishes not to be dismissed or even questioned.

Often, when a child grows up, parents start offering her lectures about the importance of knowing how to say “no.” Such lectures, however, are completely useless if the kid’s boundaries were constantly violated by those very parents since her infancy.