I come from a strictly monoracial society (which nevertheless has a history of slavery). This is why many aspects of the race relations in the US still baffle me. And I don’t know how to ask about these things without sounding like an insensitive jerk.
In class, I always feel very uncomfortable whenever we discuss slavery. There are people who descended from slaves in the classroom and, unlike in my country where slavery was not based on race, it is very visible who the descendants of slaves are. So I feel like discussing slavery in a cold and detached manner in the classroom is not something that I can manage. I feel intensely guilty for being white in such discussions and it seems like no matter what I say, it will sound empty and meaningless.
Then, there are daily situations that confuse me. I was shopping at Macy’s in St.Louis today and the store assistants were black. Not only were they about a hundred times nicer than any white store assistant I had ever encountered, they also kept calling me Miss Clarissa. Nobody calls me Miss Clarissa. This form of address sounds like “Miss Scarlett” to me because Gone With the Wind is the only place where I encountered it. So, again, I felt very weird. And not in a good way.
So I decided that what’s a blog for if not to share things that bother one, right? Maybe my readers can offer some sort of a perspective on this issue. Or maybe there are books I need to read on the subject.
P.S. I know that people who read my blog are enlightened, intelligent folks. Just to be on the safe side, though, I warn everybody that arguments as to how slavery has been over for a long time, so why does it matter any more, are completely unacceptable. As a descendant of slaves, I can tell you that it matters a whole lot and it always will.
Clarissa's Blog 
I don’t think “Miss” is a race thing. In Missouri I hear some white women call each other “Miss So-and-so” all the time. It sounds strange to me (I’m from Chicago) but they regard it as a friendly and respectful form of address. I think it’s a regional thing.
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Ok, that already makes me feel better. Thank you!
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Just wanted to confirm this (I’m a Missouri native). I think it’s most common in the Ozarks (southwest) area, but I’ve heard it all over. I’ve even heard black women call white women “Miss” and vice versa, when both parties were married. Ditto for men talking to women. It just doesn’t always have the same connotations that the word has elsewhere.
That said, the word can definitely still have racial overtones, even in the ozarks, so I wouldn’t recommend that people use it themselves unless they’re *really* sure. There’s a long history of really messed-up race relations (as usual) in the area which can come into play.
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I’ve lived in St Louis and I think it is mostly an African-American thing. Maybe not exclusively.
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It is a Southern habit, and in St. Louis, primarily an African-American habit.
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I was raised to say “Miss” and “Mr” to people if I called them by their first names. (I’m NOT from the south, and grew up in a white athiest liberal family). If it was their last names it was “Ms.” or “Mrs.” or “Mr.” depending (which was far more normal.) My mother spent some time in her youth in the South (she moved a lot) and I think that’s where she got it.
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I grew up with actual black servants and the thing I was most often called was “mumpara”, which means silly fool.
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I’d say, “Amos, I can’t find my suitcase from school.”
He would reply: “Ah, you mampara! Where you put?”
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I am writing two conference papers on slavery right now. As a white man I do not feel guilty discussing slavery. I think that you are a scholar/teacher/researcher before being white.
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“As a descendant of slaves, I can tell you that it matters a whole lot and it always will.”
I am always puzzled by the use of the word ‘always’ in contexts like this (absurdity intended.) Do you think your descendants, or those of your sister, will remember in, say 50000 years, that they are descended from slaves? I have no idea whether I am descended from slaves or not, although it is likely, since there were a lot of slaves in England 1500 years or so ago. What exactly does ‘always’ mean here?
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I meant that it will always mean a lot to me, of course. As much as I believe in my blog and its spectacular future, I don’t think it will still exist 5000 years from now. 🙂
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