I have heard some version of the following more times than I have hairs on my head:
Expecting sexual heat to endure (without any increase in effort) for years is unrealistic.
Since, for me, life without sexual passion is not a life worth living, I had even decided at a certain point that a long-term relationship was not for me.
The approximate duration of the “sexual heat” period that people usually name is between 6 months and 2 years. I’ve heard these stories over and over again. The passion cools down and transforms into something that is good in its own way because it’s calmer and more profound. Or something equally disturbing.
Well, you know what? None of this is true. I have no idea where people are getting this from. Maybe they had no actual passion for each other to begin with.
I, however, know for a fact that sometimes the heat not only endures for years but actually intensifies with every passing day.
Maybe 4 years 9 months and 18 days is not that long but, right now, the passion is rapidly growing. And it has not yet occurred to me what kind of an “effort” I might need to bring to the process.
Of course, I’ll keep you updated on the progress of this passion. N. and I are planning to have wild orgies in the retirement home 50 years from now. Stay tuned.
Clarissa's Blog 
12 years and still going strong.
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Ha! I knew it! I knew great, passionate relationships existed!
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I think the key to maintaining sexual energy is to believe in yourself and fight for your values. Otherwise, you give up and lose your vital spirit.
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I’m happy for you! But you’re making the rest of us feel like we’re doing something wrong. I believe that every relationship has a honeymoon phase, when everything is shiny and new, but honeymoons pass. At the beginning we only see the best in each other. Making people expect that this level of excitement is supposed to last forever will make them jump to a next relationship when the honeymoon is over, and will rob them from reaching much deeper level of a intimacy, where we might have to work out some of our unsexy, emotional needs.
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Oh. I don’t understand “shiny and new” and “level of excitement”. Aren’t these ideas related to Christmas presents — like when you were five?
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Everyone in my immediate and extended family knows that my mom’s heart still skips a beat when my dad walks in the room (and vice versa). Not that I know or even care to know the details, but they are definitely still very sexually satisfied and active after 26 years of marriage. I refuse to settle for less– whatever people’s expectations are, they’ll fulfill them, sure enough.
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I think the so called “honeymoon phase” might be something preadolescents really do experience. In US it is assumed we are all preadolescent throughout our lives, so we are told that whatever went on in our 7th grade relationships is normal. See the world in rose, then get disenchanted and drop. People more grown up than that are exciting because they can be both realistic and swept away.
Also, there is a difference between being full of hormones and being deeply attracted to someone, although these two things can also coincide.
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In my experience, adults find novelty exciting as well. Clarissa stated that her level of passion increases effortlessly as time goes by, and I simply don’t think that’s realistic for most of us.
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Mine has remained at about the same level over 10 or 12 years. That might be because Mike and I keep renewing ourselves in all sorts of ways. We are the same as before, but never tired, because we keep returning from new experiences.
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My suggestion is having such a variety of partners before settling down that the word “novelty” will make you feel bored every time you hear it. 🙂 🙂
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It changes, the passion is different after time. That doesnt mean it naturally lessons but it does naturally change.
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I agree with this. As you get to know the partner better, things become easier and somehow more natural.
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