Love Yourself More

Do you read Clarisse Thorn’s blog? The blogger I always get mistaken for? If not, you really should because she keeps posting really fantastic stuff. Here is a quote from the most recent post:

My most problematic ex-boyfriend once told me “I just want to feel like you love me more than you love yourself,” which was the point that I should’ve walked out the door.

Yes. A hundred times yes. A person who undermines your love for yourself in any way is not somebody you want in your life.

Whenever N. and I fight (which we, of course, do because we are both alive), I always start by saying, “I love you, you are the most beautiful, amazing, intelligent person in the universe but this thing you did / said sucks.” If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you probably have realized that I don’t mince words when I’m annoyed. But I always make sure that I express my grievances in a way that does not undermine his worth as a human being. Whatever happens, he needs to love himself more and make his decisions based on that. And, obviously, I do the same. As a result, the relationship between us will blossom.

The only healthy attitude is to welcome your partner loving him or herself more than they love you. Otherwise, they might be driven to make sacrifices for your sake or for the sake of the relationship and that is always very dangerous. Believe me, I’ve had my first marriage destroyed by this kind of a sacrifice.

7 thoughts on “Love Yourself More

    1. “The 20th century variety of communism fetishized the word people so much with their people’s republics and people’s liberation armies, that almost reflexively, seeing a sign that said something like ‘People’s Pharmacy,’ my first thought would be, ‘I wonder if it’s run by communists.’ Likewise with the word family and Bible-based Christian”

      – SO true! I now have nervous hiccups whenever I hear the expression “family values.” I understand on a logical level that the expression itself is not bad. But it has been used by such horrible freaks in such inhuman contexts so many times that now I can’t stand it.


      1. OK, the “Love without an exit clause” link was obviously written by a mentally deranged person. It’s scary to read. I’m sure this blogger is surrounded with people. Are they not seeing that he is in a crisis and needs professional help?


        1. ” I find my society unacceptable. It is dreary, insipid, ugly, boring, wrong, and wicked. Trying to reform it is largely futile. . . Like a truffle pig, I hunt for the best that “my” society has to offer. I partake. Then I go back to my Bubble and tell myself, “America’s a nice place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there.” Many people will find my attitude repugnant.”

          – No, not repugnant. Just pathetic. Poor, miserable sod.


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