Who Finds It Hard to Get Married?

I absolutely love it when people who have failed at absolutely everything write those hysterical articles telling women “you need to get married now!!!” because, in their warped patriarchal minds, a marriage is the best way to compensate for being a complete underachiever and a total failure. Such women see getting married as the ultimate prize because it will liberate them from the painful necessity of actually doing something with their lives.

As we all know, the patriarchal model sets up marriage as the only achievement worth having for a woman. (It’s not even having children. It’s marriage and nothing but marriage. Because it’s much simpler to sign a piece of paper than to give birth to a kid, and these folks are all into taking the easiest route available.) This is an extremely rewarding system for women who are too lazy to develop an identity of their own and work hard and who just want to gain social acceptance through something as easy as getting married.

I just found an article by some brainless idiot who, yet again, suggests that women need to change themselves and trim down their expectations in order to find somebody willing to grant them the only major wish of their existences and bestow the amazing gift of marriage on them. It is especially hilarious that people who see marriage as the only path to identity formation are precisely the ones who find it hard to get married. These poor suckers project their personal misery and endless rejection by everybody they meet onto other people. This is why it’s so enjoyable to read their analysis of women who supposedly find it difficult to get married:

You’re a Mess. You overdrink. You overeat. You overspend. You under-earn. . .

You’re Crazy. Crazy is where you LOVE INTENSITY. You want life to bring the exclamation points!!!!!!! Normal people, and relationships? Big, noisy YAWN. You think of yourself more like Angelina Jolie when she was with Billy Bob. Crazy is where you use your cell phone like an automatic weapon. You meet, have sex, fight and break up — all by text message.

 You’re a Dude. It’s not that you love the Cardinals, have short hair, or or make more money than most guys. It’s that, when it comes to relationships, you want to hunt them down and kill them. You call guys, you text guys, you ask guys out. You have sex like it’s a temp job.

You know what is really funny? This is absolutely the description of me when I was dating. And contrary to the loser author of this psycho article, it normally took each new guy I met about two dates to bring up marriage. I was completely uninterested in getting married at that time, but it was like there was no other topic on anybody’s mind whenever they met me.

This is what really bugs these “all-women-are-dying-to-get-married” freaks. They spend years trying to talk themselves into lowering their expectations (that are probably abysmally low already) and bad-mouthing women who have lists of desirable and undesirable qualities in a partner. It drives them to distraction that messy, overdrinking, overeating, overspending, intensity-loving, dudelike women with a list of preferences from here to the Moon have adoring husbands and perfect marriages while their pearl-clutching good-girl act hasn’t managed to attract anybody.

What they don’t understand is that it’s precisely their desperation, their desire to lower their requirements and just marry anybody who’d have them that make them so unattractive to potential mates. At the same time, their profound fakeness and the pathetic eagerness to please guarantee that nobody will ever want to give them the time of day.

5 thoughts on “Who Finds It Hard to Get Married?

  1. I’m in my late twenties and from certain quarters (male and female) am receiving a good deal of pressure to get married. I’m resisting that pressure but it’s wearisome. The fact that I’m not consumed with the desire to marry someone at the moment means there’s something wrong with me.

    This is a potent area for shaming people. What kinds of disparaging remarks haven’t I heard in the guise of helping me prepare myself for the marital state? My appearance, opinions, thoughts, habits, hobbies, dreams… all of these up for being picked over and criticized. The message I get: “Be yourself… except, not too much, ok?” Is this the proper way to get someone prepared for marriage? To chip away at their self-worth? What kind of marriage do they want for me? I guess I’m supposed to be smiling outwardly and crumbling inside, but who cares about the inside as long as your life “looks good” on paper.

    They also think that marriage is a state in which you’re set for life. You’re unhappy now? Just wait, you’ll be so happy then! But no… how can someone who’s deeply unhappy with themselves thrive in a relationship? I remember talking to one of the marriage-naggers about a friend of mine who was having some difficulties at school, and the response was basically, “Who cares? She’s married.” Yeah, because my married friend would be so happy to do poorly in school (she’s since turned things around and is doing great).

    At the same time, their profound fakeness and the pathetic eagerness to please guarantee that nobody will ever want to give them the time of day.

    No one except for people who have their own deep problems and who may be abusive (abusive people relish desperation).

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    1. Oh my god. I’d say “cut those people out of your life right now” but I’m not you, and they may be relatives you otherwise love… Every time I see something like this, or hear it from other people, I feel like flying back to Miami just so I can find the bar my parents used to hang out and kiss the beer-stained floor. I mean, they were by no means perfect, but one of the things they did right was they let me develop a sense of self-worth and never, ever, ever gave me the idea that getting married was the only goal worth attaining in life. It was just something I could do if I wanted, but it wasn’t the be-all and end-all of existence. I’m 49. I keep hearing about how modern times are better than the evil old past, but the 1970s were apparently much freer and more advanced than now.

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    2. “I remember talking to one of the marriage-naggers about a friend of mine who was having some difficulties at school, and the response was basically, “Who cares? She’s married.” ”

      – I know, I’ve heard things like that, too! This is the weirdest way of thinking I have ever encountered!

      “No one except for people who have their own deep problems and who may be abusive (abusive people relish desperation).”

      – So true!

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  2. I’m reading the original article. It seems that marriage is a moral purification ritual. If you have vices, you cannot pass through the gate into marriage. Only the pure of heart can enter.

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