The most watched TV channel in Russia shows mostly comedy programs and heated discussions about smothering mothers of middle-aged people. I patiently sat through several of these shows because I wanted to see how politics is discussed on this state-sponsored channel. There are many fascinating things happening in the country politically and I can’t help being curious.

After Putin got elected, he started introducing the kind of legislation that would prevent people from opposing him the way they did last winter. Public protests have been rendered next to impossible through stringent legislation. Internet censorship has been introduced. The political talk show I saw on Russia’s First channel addressed these legislative measures.

The entire point of this show was to convince the viewers that the people of Russia have no interest in the political process, the rigged elections, or censorship.  This was done in such a heavy-handed way that I felt vicarious shame for the Russian viewers who were expected to take this crap seriously. For instance, people were stopped in the streets and asked to name the events in their personal lives that mattered to them. People talked of weddings, retirements, births of children and grandchildren.

“You see?” the show’s host asked triumphantly. “Nobody cares about whether the elections were falsified. ”

To make the show more convincing, representatives of “opposition” parties were invited to participate in the discussion. Of course, they weren’t the actual opposition but, rather, leaders of fake parties sponsored by the Kremlin to pretend like there is genuine political dissent in the country. The only actual representative of the opposition was a guy from the Communist party. He, at least, sounded marginally lucid and even pointed out that credit and debit are two different things that should not be confused. Other “politicians” shrugged him off by saying that such minor details were irrelevant.

I have to say that when Communists are the only people who don’t see the difference between credit and debit as insignificant, you are in deep shit.

Carlos has a souvenir stall at the resort. He almost never gets any customers even though you can hardly find a single tourist who isn’t interested in buying a Dominican souvenir.

The reason for Carlos’s lack of sales is the way he conducts business. Whenever a potential customer appears and starts to ask for the price of an item, Carlos refuses to name it. Instead, he places all of the items the customer seems to notice on a plate. When the plate begins to spill over with items, Carlos names an absolutely exorbitant price for them. If the customer is anything like me, she feels insulted and leaves. In most other cases, the customer imagines the length of time it would take to haggle the price down to something reasonable, feels bored, and leaves.

If Carlos put reasonable price tags on his souvenirs, he’d sell out his stock within hours. However, the painstaking hunt for a tiny margin of profit does not attract him. He prefers to spend his time hoping for a miracle. One day, he dreams, a tourist who’d be too drunk or too rich to care would stumble upon Carlos’s stall and buy an item for 20 times its worth.

I recognize this mentality only too well from my own culture. People spend years chasing after some ridiculous plans of rapid self -enrichment that never come to anything. In the meanwhile, they live in poverty. Try offering them a reasonable opportunity to make a small profit (and then a slightly bigger one and so on), and you will see the light go out of their eyes and boredom take place of enthusiasm.

“Why do you work so much for so little money? ” is the question my Ukrainian relatives and acquaintances ask me all the time.

I have mentioned before that I have the meaning of life all figured out. So now I have an obligation to share my findings with everybody. Please don’t expect anything Earth-shattering, though. The best ideas are always the simplest.

The meaning of my life (just mine, mind you. You can and should figure out your own meaning) is to have fun. That’s all. For me, life is about enjoying every aspect of it. I aim to reduce the number of things I don’t enjoy to the minimum.

Whenever I share this with people, some smart-ass immediately starts bellyaching about “what if you enjoy hurting people and eating babies for breakfast, should the pursuit of enjoyment still be your main life goal.” This, of course, is nothing but a sign that the smart-ass in question hates his or her own life and envies my unapologetic quest to enjoy mine.

And now I will go and enjoy my life on the beach. 🙂

This post on why people send unsolicited penis photos reminded me of the following joke:

A man walks into a doctor’s office, takes out his penis, and flops it silently on the doctor’s desk.

“Does it hurt?” the doctor asks.

“No.”

“Any unusual excretions?”

“No.”

“Does it itch?”

“No.”

“Does it seem too small to you?”

“No.”

“Too big?”

“No.”

“Then what??” the doctor finally explodes.

“Isn’t it nice?” the man asks, hopefully.

Reader el suggested we discuss how the Soviet regime influenced interpersonal communications. I think this is a very fruitful discussion topic and a subject where I have a lot to say. (And what a surprise, eh?)

If you have any familiarity with the theory of communism, you have to realize that a communist society cannot be created until the very nature of the human beings undergoes a profound transformation. This is why from the very beginning of the USSR´s existence consistent efforts were made to transform people in a way that would make them more amenable to the gradual introduction of the communist elements into their daily lives.

Here is a short list of such measures:

1. Communal living. Families were brought to share one big apartment. This allowed to address the housing shortage, of course, but that was not the most important goal of creating these “communal apartments.” In a communal apartment, between 3 and a dozen families shared the kitchen, the toilet, the hallway and had to take turns using and cleaning these facilities. Such form of co-existence weakened the bonds between members of biological families, destroyed privacy and the contingent individualism. Also, it eroded the sense of personal shame.

2. Only collective forms of spending one´s free time were encouraged. People went on outings, hiking trips, excursions, museum visits in large groups. Again, this eroded family ties, which is something that the regime needed in order to ensure that one´s visceral loyalty to one´s family members would be substituted with the loyalty to the regime that provided all this fun.

3. Housing shortage and the absence of rental apartments ensured that members of several generations would share one small living space. I will let you figure out on your own how one starts feeling about one´s relatives when one has to sleep (and, obviously, have sex) in the same room with one´s parents, children, and often grandparents, too.

So what are the results of such policies?

For one, people tend to have the kind of relationships with their family members where everybody is very close in a really unhealthy way, yet everybody hates each other´s guts. Nobody has the slightest idea of what it means to respect anybody else´s privacy. People tend to be quite shameless and very rude. The respect for private property between family members is non-existent.

As you might well imagine, it will take more than one generation to get rid of these side effects of our social experiment.

A reader asked the following question:

Is closure an American phenomenon? Do other cultures just say “piss off” and go on their merry ways?

I think it is, indeed, very American. There is no equivalent to the word in Russian and Ukrainian. I also have never come across either the term or the reality it is supposed to denote in the Spanish-speaking cultures I’m familiar with.

As I see it, the English-speaking culture sees any kinds of relationships between people as hugely problematic. English-speakers find it a lot harder than people from many other cultures to establish any sort of contact with each other. This is probably why I’m considered to be super-sociable here in North America. A foreign autistic finds it much easier to connect to people than a North American neurotypical – this has got to tell you something.

English-speakers try to obviate the difficulties they experience in interpersonal communication by creating a series of rules that are supposed to regulate any human contact. The concept of closure is one of those rules. I can see how it might be useful in a culture that views any form of human communication as inherently dangerous. For me, however, it has no use. When I left my ex-husband, for instance, I just packed and moved out. Then I sent him the divorce papers. We met a couple of times after that but there were no closure-related conversations. I had decided it was over, so it was.

So to answer the reader’s question, I do just say “piss off” and move on.

The time has come for a fresh round of curious search terms that bring people to this blog.

respectful objectification technique – Can’t people avoid using stupid terminology in their online searches?

the reason behind guilt tripping – People who guilt-trip you want to control and manipulate you

why everybody around said usa is the hooker country? – Around what?

childfree brains different – No. But the brains of people who make such searches are definitely problematic.

bored househusband – Well, what do you expect? People tend to get bored when they don’t have a life of their own.

teaching without powerpoint – Is eminently doable.

who has it worse men or women – People of both genders who have to read texts where the pronoun “it” is overused.

botox at 27? – A stupid idea.

naked clarissa – Again? Seriously? Some people are so pathetic that it’s sad.

ukrainian women for marriage – If you like your balls being handed to your for breakfast, then sure.

russian mistress – If you like your balls being handed to your for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks, then sure.

why did people like putin – What do you men “did”? They still do.

pink big trucks – I understand why somebody might want a big pink truck. But I don’t understand why that

what pronoun to use in an academic paper – I use the first person. The fear of the first person and the clunky equivalents people use instead are incomprehensible to me.

why are fundamentalist so rabid – It’s in the job description.

why ukrainian food makes me feel better – Because you are a person with sophisticated tastes and great powers of discernment. And, of course, because Ukrainian food is comfort food par excellence.

anti-natalist forcing people into existence – Yet another miserable creature who confuses a miserable personal life with a political stance.

republicans are smarter than democrats – Seriously? They elected Bush, cheered Palin, and are now supporting Romney. Need I say anything else?

nice guy equivalent in a woman – Exists everywhere. “Men are bad and mean and don’t appreciate my amazingness” is a very wide-spread attitude of immature women. I used to be one of them but I got over it.

alternative to sephora – Ulta.

st. denis street montreal – An amazing place everybody needs to visit.

I haven´t watched Russian television for about sixteen years. Here at our hotel in the DR, however, we have the most popular Russian TV channel (Channel 1.) This is the “official” Russian TV channel that absolutely everybody watches. It´s more important to the Russians than the BBC to the British.

So I decided to watch Russian news for the first time in all these years. The Russians always used to have very good newscasts, so N. and I turned on the Russian news.

I have to tell you, people, this newscast told me everything I need to know about Russia today. The newscast (once again, this is the most important source of the news for the Russian people because this channel broadcasts absolutely everywhere in the country*) was completely pathetic. It was tabloid quality and had nothing to do with actual news. The newscast consisted of several outrageous or gossipy stories that captured your attention but had no larger meaning and absolutely no transcendence. A man´s girlfriend stuck a knife into his skull but he survived. A bus turned over. A competition between flower arrangements took place.

There was absolutely  nothing related to politics or the general state of affairs in the country. Russia is suffering from horrible inundations right now, people are dying, citizens are forming volunteer groups to help the victims. None of that made the news. The inundations were mentioned but their victims weren´t. It sounded like the inundations were taking place in completely uninhabited areas.

The economy wasn´t mentioned in any form or manner. Nothing of any import whatsoever made the news. This newscast was extremely similar to the ones we used to watch in the Soviet Union. Even the jingle that opens the newscast has been borrowed from the Soviet times.´

To make the similarity with the good ole Soviet times complete, each news segment was accompanied by a little piece on how things are even worse in the US. The segment with the man whose girlfriend put a knife through his skull, was followed by a story about an American man who got stabbed in the head several times. The story on the inundations was followed by an account of how American inundations are always so much worse than the Russian ones. The positive segments, however, didn´t have any references to the US. For instance, the story about the flower competition did not mention that there are also great flower competitions in the US.

Europe, Asia or Africa were not mentioned in any context. The vision of the world you got from this newscast was that, on our planet, there is Russia, a place where things are not great, and there is the US, where things are even worse than that. And beyind that, there is nothing.

* N. and I don´t remember if the channel receives funding from the government. Does anybody know?

Have you missed me yet? 🙂

I´m in the Dominican Republic on my vacation. Here are some of the observations I wanted to share with you:

1. Flight attendants have come up with a new way to torture the English language. Now, when you arrive at your destination, they ask you to “deplane the aircraft.”

2. It´s great to lose the watch and the cell phone for two weeks.

3. It is A LOT hotter in Southern Illinois than in Punta Cana.

4. When an airplane from Moscow arrives in the DR, a crowd of hugely drunk people spills out making me feel extremely embarrassed.

5. The Dominican men have no idea how to communicate with a couple where the woman is “the active subject” (asks and answers questions, orders food for both, etc.) This causes them intense discomfort and they keep trying to speak to “el señor” even when the señor resists.

6. The Internet in the DR has not improved in the 5 years that I haven´t been here.

7. Never again will I allow another 5 years to elapse witout going to an all-inclusive resort because this is the best kind of vacation for me.

There is a discussion underway in the NY Times about whether modern men are manly enough. As my favorite colleague says, idiots abound.

“The TSA employees do not understand that my visceral level reasons for not going through that airport scanner that takes and keeps the equivalent of your naked photograph is not shyness about the body, but the fact that to have that photograph taken, you must stand in the prisoner of war position, hands on your head, and so on. That we are being asked to do this for our safety, and that people believe it, is highly disturbing in my view.” It is highly disturbing in my view, too. And humiliating.

Louisiana proves that voucher schools are a huge, horrible scam.

Maternal martyrs of the 21st century.

A perfect example of how people turn their children into helpless toys to compensate for being pathetic losers professionally and socially. Please tread lightly before you make idiotic comments. There are people around here who had this done to them and are still living with the consequences.

An interesting theory why radical feminists hate transwomen so passionately. I’ve never heard this explanation for this irrational hatred advanced before but it makes sense to me. What do you think?

On the importance of challenging oneself intellectually. This is precisely why everybody should be reading Clarissa’s Blog with all of its outrageous statements and unexpected, frustrating, angering approaches to everything.

A lying article from Yale Daily News that is trying to sell the idea of a post-doc on the Humanities as something positive. Is there an idiot stupid enough to believe this load of steamy BS? Hey, GESO, where the hell are you? Why aren’t you doing something about this?

A really good and very funny post about different models of professorial behavior.

Comedian Daniel Tosh is a vile horrible creature. Let’s all do what we can to denounce him and make sure he never performs anywhere without being spit on. If there are people I hate it’s nasty jerks like this one.

A great visual on how anti-abortionists don’t even notice the existence of women.

This sounds like a total urban myth but, who knows, these pox parties might just be real. What do you think?

A really great post on the Kardashians and birth control.

If you don’t like beets for some bizarre reason, do read this post.

“They really know what matters in revenue-strapped Kansas. The attorney general’s office there has paid $675,000 to outside lawyers to fight challenges to the state’s draconian new anti-abortion laws.” I have a questions to the idiots who voted these jerkwads into office: do you hate women that much? Really? The taxpayers who allow their money to be wasted in this way by politicians who need to feed their psychosis deserve all that is coming to them.

This blogger is such a wonderful, caring, understanding mother to her small daughter that it makes me want to cry. Is it too late for me to get adopted by her?

I really know how this blogger feels! What is it with the idiots who just can’t take “no” for an answer?

And the post of the week that celebrates emotional independence: “I’m done with being held responsible for other people’s emotional states. Whether that’s a parent, a significant other, or a friend. Once we reach a certain age, we are, each of us, responsible for how we choose to respond to difficult or taxing situations. I survived too many years of emotional distress for being blamed for something I couldn’t possibly be responsible for or do anything about, and I bought my ticket to freedom by learning to cope with my own emotions and hold myself accountable for how I addressed them.”