Every morning I wake up to an article from a misogynist du jour, trying to explain to the women of the world what we should want and why.
Today’s anti-feminist rant comes from a guy called Donald Miller*. In it, the author makes a completely bizarre distinction between women wishing to be treated like equals or like men. I thought that arguments of this caliber had long been abandoned even by the most recalcitrant among the woman-haters, but Mr. Miller hasn’t gotten that message, it seems. It is always hilarious to see people make idiots of themselves by rolling out the following idiotic barrage of questions:
Do you want to be treated like men in every area of your life? And if not, is it confusing for you to want to be treated more kindly and tenderly in a social area, but more straight-forwardly in the sense of economic and cultural equality?
Let me be more pointed: As women, do you want for men to say you’re beautiful? Because if we treat you like men, we will never say you’re beautiful. We don’t really care. And we won’t make you feel small or special or precious, either. We won’t protect you because, quite frankly, you need to protect yourself or you’re a wimp. Do you really want us to treat you like men?
Since Mr. Miller is struggling so hard not only with the English language but also with the concept of gender equality that confuses him so much, I will give the dude a helping hand and answer his stupid questions. Feel free to provide your own answers to help the bloke out.
Do you want to be treated like men in every area of your life? – I want to be treated like a complete and valid human being whose physiology should not constrict her life. And I’m prepared to treat men and women in the same way.
And if not, is it confusing for you to want to be treated more kindly and tenderly in a social area, but more straight-forwardly in the sense of economic and cultural equality? – No, dude, it’s you who are confused. I have no idea what it means “to be treated more kindly and tenderly in a social area” but it doesn’t sound like something I might enjoy. Just like I don’t enjoy your poor writing skills.
As women, do you want for men to say you’re beautiful? – No, absolutely not. The only man whose opinion about my appearance interests me is my husband. Everybody else should feel free to admire my celestial beauty in silence. I mean, who are these men whose comments about my beauty I would welcome? The Dean? My male colleagues? My male friends, all of whom are happily married? My male students? It would be nothing short of creepy if these people started discussing my beauty with me.
And we won’t make you feel small or special or precious, either. – So you won’t belittle me? What a tragedy. And here I was, going through my life, accumulating scholarly degrees and intellectual capital in hopes that “men” would make me feel small. This guy is either on drugs or is suffering from a serious concussion. As for feeling precious, even three-year-olds know nowadays that self-esteem comes from within and not from strange compliments made by weird creatures like Don Miller.
We won’t protect you because, quite frankly, you need to protect yourself or you’re a wimp. – Protect me from what? Wild tigers? There aren’t any. Criminals? I pay taxes so that police officers of both genders protect me from them. The last thing I want is for some anonymous dude on the Internet to assign himself the role of my protector.
Do you really want us to treat you like men? – If all of the above equals treating one “like men”, then yes, I most certainly want all of that. Stop obsessing about my appearance, belittling me and trying to protect me from life, and I will be quite happy.
The most hilarious part about this crappy article is that its author firmly believes he is actually pro-women:
I have long believed that women are, socially, higher developed or designed than men in some ways. They seem to understand the true language of humanity, that somehow validating a person’s identity is paramount.
Of course, we all know that this fake “women are superior to men, so they shouldn’t sully their precious, small, weak existences with working, thinking and fighting for their rights” is the favorite trick of every woman-hater everywhere. So is Donald Miller’s belief that the purpose of every woman life is to nurture others emotionally and “validate identities.”
* The article starts out with a ridiculous and obviously spurious anecdote demonstrating that Donald Miller is also a homophobe and a transphobe. This guy has enough hatred for many different groups of people.
Clarissa's Blog 
Wow, that would have been disgusting enough if I hadn’t been morbidly curious and decided to read the dollop of transphobia and homophobia on top of it all.
I need a shower now. Bleugh.
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As long as people think it’s OK to publish these kinds of transphobic and homophobic stories, we will not be able to call ourselves a civilized society. And the worst thing is that the guy has no idea what a jerk he is being.
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I have no idea what this guy is nattering on about. When have feminists demanded to be “treated like men?” And you are right: if being “treated like a man” means I don’t have to get creepy compliments from people I don’t know or have men “protect” me , then I’m all for being treated like a man. 😉
In some ways, I think he is “warning” women that feminism ruins romantic relationships. So if women want their romantic partners to compliment them, to make them feel special etc etc, they had better give up feminist ideals. And all women (indeed all people) want to feel cherished by their partners and so this type of rhetoric scares them into renouncing feminism. For all it’s stupidity, it’s a manipulative little piece. I bet he is a horrible husband/boyfriend.
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I have heard this argument more times than I can tell you. “Do you like getting flowers? Then forget about your feminism. ”
Give me equal pay and don’t stand in my way professionally, and I will buy all the flowers I need for me and my husband.
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My answer to the “do you like getting flowers” is “no, because my cat will chew on them and possibly poison herself.” Also, wtf, I can buy my own damn flowers.
Anyway, this guy writes like he has never actually met a woman and got all his ideas about them from trashy romance novels. Then again, there are a lot of women who act like they got all their ideas about how to act from trashy romance novels.
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I’m still mystified by this idea that women want to feel small. What the hell is that even all about? Does he mean small as in thin? Or in weak?
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I think by “feel small” he probably means “feel like an infant”. I would say no one would actually like to feel like an infant; unfortunately though there are many women (and also many men) who would like to avoid any adult responsibility all their lives and “feel small”.
His article feels Victorian. In a “Oh you ladies do not need to bother your pretty heads about all the serious stuff like money and politics. Why don’t you instead worry about the latest trends in bonnets?” kind of way. I thought that stuff was out of fashion a long time ago. 🙂
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It would make more sense for people like him to take care of actual infants. Something tells me, however, that he is not very big on taking care of his own children if he has any.
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“I’m still mystified by this idea that women want to feel small. What the hell is that even all about? Does he mean small as in thin? Or in weak?”
I get the feeling he is trying to invoke the cozy feeling of being taken care of by someone bigger and more powerful. Probably there are some people who want that sometimes when they’re scared and don’t know what to do. It actually makes me wonder if that’s what he secretly wants.
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” It actually makes me wonder if that’s what he secretly wants.”
– GOOD point.
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djiril: I googled him, and found that he was abandoned by his father as an infant, and he has written a book about fatherless children and started a mentoring program for children with no fathers. So it looks like your analysis was pretty accurate. Also found out that he is 41 and has never been married.
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“Also found out that he is 41 and has never been married.”
– That is SO surprising. The guy is such a catch. I wonder why nobody wants him. Hmmm. . . 🙂
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“I get the feeling he is trying to invoke the cozy feeling of being taken care of by someone bigger and more powerful.”
From personal experience, I strongly suspect this is what he means. I’m 6’1″ and wear high heels every day. I can’t count how many weird unsolicited comments I’ve gotten about my height from strangers who are very concerned about my dating life. For example: “You must have so much trouble finding a boyfriend!” or “Your boyfriend must be enormous to let you wear those shoes!”
People react with astonishment when I tell them I have no problem dating shorter men, have never had trouble finding boyfriends, and that they in turn have never had a problem with a tall girlfriend who likes high heels. I love being tall and I think if I wanted to man to make me feel itty-bitty I would have some serious psychological issues.
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” I can’t count how many weird unsolicited comments I’ve gotten about my height from strangers who are very concerned about my dating life.”
– I wonder why people can’t keep their idiotic comments to themselves.
“I love being tall and I think if I wanted to man to make me feel itty-bitty I would have some serious psychological issues.”
– I think so, too.
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I read some of the comments to his blog post, and was pleased to see that he was getting ripped by members of his own community. He is bizarrely out of touch with reality.
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Another thing these people don’t seem to get is that in the “pre-feminist days” many women still had to protect themselves and their children. And many of them did back-breaking labor round the clock, both in the home and in many cases outside the home, and had few to zero legal rights in regards to what they produced or earned. The women who were treated as “small or precious” were generally of a certain social class. But many men (and women) still hold up this fantasy image of history that’s based mostly on sentimental old Hollywood movies and TV shows than on day-to-day historical reality.
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“But many men (and women) still hold up this fantasy image of history that’s based mostly on sentimental old Hollywood movies and TV shows than on day-to-day historical reality.”
– Oh God, you have no idea how often I have to explain to my students that this vision of history is completely false.
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Lots of people who think it would be great to live in the Victorian Age, or the High Middle Ages, or ancient Greece or Rome, or some other widely idealized historical period, seem to assume that they would be at the top of that era’s socioeconomic ladder. Like, they’d be the lord in the manor, the king in the castle, the paterfamilias, or the lady in the parlor. They quite forget that most people’s lives within that era would’ve been very different.
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So what I’m getting from this bizarre impotent rant is that he treats the men in his life like shit and the women in his life like delicate snowflakes and actually wants pats on the back for doing so, fucker.
Hey here’s an idea ever thought of treating people regardless of gender as you would like to be treated?
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Exactly! He also generalizes about men in this hugely obnoxious way. Crowds of men offer emotional support to each other, have close friends, and don’t stunt their lives for the sake of macho posturing.
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Truth!
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Actually, women’s libido works in exactly the same way as men’s does. If we feel very competitive, daring and triumphant, or libidos gain strength. If we are diminished by our social experiences, we lose sexual interest.
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I couldn’t agree more. But since this guy was obviously never an object of desire on the part of anybody, he wouldn’t know. He’s the kind of a guy that women tolerate condescendingly and rarely.
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I totally agree. Also, I have often come across sexist men who take the view that it must be simply wonderful to be a woman and get treated with the bubbly enthusiasm and emotional zest attributed to women by men who only see these women in their sycophantic modes. Behind the scenes, women are often backstabbing and conniving, but sexist men have the idea that all women are as sweet as pie, and only someone with severe “issues” would have any problems with any women in the world.
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Haha, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your takedown of this idiot.
I’m likewise tired of the stupid argument about the draft. i.e. “Oh so you want women to be drafted into the military too?” No, I want nobody to be drafted into the military. But if we really must draft, we should do so with equality.
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“No, I want nobody to be drafted into the military. But if we really must draft, we should do so with equality.”
– That’s exactly what my position on the draft is, too.
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