American men are trapped in a vicious circle. They convince themselves that their only value is that of money-making robots with no emotions or feelings. They castrate their existences to place themselves on the altar of this belief. Even when a child is born, a man continues working all through the first days and months of the child’s life. The very normal desire to get to know his newborn is stifled in service to the idea that a man who is not making money every second of his life is a loser.
In case of a divorce, children almost always stay with their mothers because the father who was never around can’t claim a significant bond with his kids. So the man continues working and working and working some more, paying and paying and paying for the children he doesn’t really know and whose company he doesn’t have time or energy to enjoy.
Of course, the only way this system can work is by convincing its participants that not only do they castrate their own existences because that is what they want but that they are enormously privileged to be able to engage in this self-mutilation. Yes, making all that money, how amazing. Unless, of course, you don’t even get to decide how to spend it:
BCG’s study reported that 73% of US household spending is “controlled” by women. I couldn’t find if they defined “controlled” as dollars or purchase decisions, but clearly, the overall take-away is that women are the primary buyers, and their spending accounts for far more of the US consumer economy than their representation (51%) in the US population.
This statistic makes a lot of sense because people who kill themselves working to feel some sense of self-worth are too tired at the end of the day to decide where the money should go.
Sixty years ago, Betty Friedan explained to women why their self-castration was making them miserable. Now somebody needs to explain to men that it isn’t by accident that they die much earlier than women in every single developed country and commit suicide more often than women, too. This is the price they pay for their self-mutilation. For now, all men get in terms of defense of their right to a complete and full existence is a bunch of sad, stupid MRAs whose response to every issue is “blame the feminists!”
Men, you represent half of the population of this country. Stop welcoming your victimization. Do something about it. A normal, healthy existence should have space in it for everything: work, love, family, money, children, career, friends, etc. The mentality where your children belong to their mothers a lot more than they belong to you are horribly damaging to you, the children, and the mothers.
Demand equality. Demand paternity leave. Demand recognition of the fact that your role as fathers is absolutely as important as the role of mothers.
Of course, this would only be the very first step. Betty-Friedan-For-Men would also address the horrible issue of gender roles that dominate women a lot less (thanks to the 2 Great Feminist Revolutions) than they do men.
Clarissa's Blog 
But you’re against union in your work, so don’t complain.
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My colleagues only work 2-3 days a week. This is SO not their issue. I’m talking about men outside of academia.
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Okay, so people outside the academia should unionize.
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And if they do, what makes you think it will occur to men to demand this? This is not an issue of unions, this is an issue of mentality. The way of thinking has to change first. And when it does – we have a Congress full of men. They will easily take care of the legal aspect of things. For now, they simply don’t know they can lead complete existence and choose to castrated themselves. Like Friedan,’s housewives did.
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Parental and father leaves were first considered by women unionized workers and women feminists in Québec.
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That’s exactly what I’m saying. Men should wake up already.
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Of course men should wake up.
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Men should also smash the patriarchy.
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I think Betty Friedan’s seminal book, The Feminine Mystique, was published only about fifty years ago, not sixty.
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Yes, arithmetic was never my forte. 🙂 🙂
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In fact, you describe here the main reasons why I begin to be an anti-natalist. That kind of like sucks profoundly. Men should not participate in this system, at least not in this manner.
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“In fact, you describe here the main reasons why I begin to be an anti-natalist. ”
– This sounds just like me becoming a housewife to spite the system. Isn’t it more productive to fight for one’s rights than to help the patriarchy snip off parts of one’s existence?
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I don’t think procreation should (but this could) be a part a one’s existence, especially in this capitalo-patriarchy.
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“I don’t think procreation should (but this could) be a part a one’s existence, especially in this capitalo-patriarchy.”
– This should be everybody’s free, individual choice.
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Absolutely.
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“BCG’s study reported that 73% of US household spending is “controlled” by women. I couldn’t find if they defined “controlled” as dollars or purchase decisions, but clearly, the overall take-away is that women are the primary buyers, and their spending accounts for far more of the US consumer economy than their representation (51%) in the US population.”
But statists Radfems would say: THIS IS NOT PROSTITUTION.
Yeah right…
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“But statists Radfems would say: THIS IS NOT PROSTITUTION.”
– Exactly. And that’s just one reason why I dislike them.
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Marriage is the most common form of prostitution, and they neglect that fact. I disagree with them on this.
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“Marriage is the most common form of prostitution’
– Patriarchal marriage.
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You’re right.
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“the horrible issue of gender roles that dominate women a lot less (thanks to the 2 Great Feminist Revolutions) than they do men.”
In the individual behaviors, I agree. If we talk about the impact in the everyday life, I would disagree.
So why transgenderism is not a horrible issue?
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“So why transgenderism is not a horrible issue?”
– Nah-nah-nah. 🙂 This will not be a thread about transgenderism. This will be a thread about men’s rights.
“In the individual behaviors, I agree. If we talk about the impact in the everyday life, I would disagree.”
– Individual behaviors impact everyday lives. I can both cry and be a nasty aggressive character at work and nobody cares. Men only have one of these options. Unless they are professors in the Humanities, of course. 🙂
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Of course there’s an impact of behaviors in the everyday life. But I think that, globally, patriarchy is more harmful for women in the everyday life.
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I was talking very specifically about the US. This is not a post about global issues.
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Even in Québec and US, patriarchy is more harmful to women. The difference with the world is that men begin to be harmed by the patriarchy here.
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This is very hard to calculate, but I believe that death is the ultimate argument. If a group always dies a lot earlier than another group, that is a very powerful argument for me. I don’t really see a more powerful one, to be honest.
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Also, men are more dominated by the patriarchy in their behavior than women here.
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” If a group always dies a lot earlier than another group, that is a very powerful argument for me. I don’t really see a more powerful one, to be honest.”
In general I would tend to agree, but in the case of men and women, the mortality rate for males exceeds the mortality for females in every age group, including babies less than one year old (who are presumably too immature to respond to cultural expectations of masculinity). This would suggest that the difference must be at least partially biological.
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“including babies less than one year old (who are presumably too immature to respond to cultural expectations of masculinity).”
– Babies might not respond to anything but their caretakers do. The literature on the inadequate perinatal and neonatal care of boys as opposed to that of girls is overwhelming. Here, for example, you can see that the current push against elective c-sections harms male infants’ chances at survival. And also that they suffer more from inadequate healthcare.
“This would suggest that the difference must be at least partially biological.”
– This is the same claim that has been used to oppress women for centuries. Science triumphs over little biological glitches all the time. If it wants to, of course. Male mortality in birth (in developed countries) can be eliminated almost completely if c-section is adopted when a bigger-sized baby boy is expected. But this is never a consideration in choosing a method of birth and doctors never mention it.
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But the difference is too much to be considered as only a “biological” cause. The difference would be narrower in a non-patriarchical setting.
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” I can both cry and be a nasty aggressive character at work and nobody cares. Men only have one of these options. Unless they are professors in the Humanities, of course.”
Or gay. When I cry even my boyfriend is all, “oh Ben, you’re so gay”.
So my advice to guys who want proper social existences would be – either study humanities, or start fucking men.
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“This is the same claim that has been used to oppress women for centuries. Science triumphs over little biological glitches all the time. If it wants to, of course. Male mortality in birth (in developed countries) can be eliminated almost completely if c-section is adopted when a bigger-sized baby boy is expected. But this is never a consideration in choosing a method of birth and doctors never mention it.”
Absolutely! 🙂 🙂
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Men are quietly moving away from the old roles, but I don’t think policy will change without something to galvanize men.
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/03/14/modern-parenthood-roles-of-moms-and-dads-converge-as-they-balance-work-and-family/
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Did I post this one already?
I love reductio ad absurdum. MRAs need to consider the structure of their arguments.
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Betty Friedan actually adressed that issue in her book, calling it “the masculine mystique”:
“Weren’t men as well as women still locked in lonely isolation, alienation, no matter how many sexual acrobatics they put their bodies through? Weren’t men dying too young, suppressing fears and tears and their own tenderness? It seemed to me that men weren’t really the enemy – they were fellow victims, suffering from an outmoded masculine mystique that made them feel unnecessarily inadequate when
there were no bears to kill.” (Friedan, 2001 [1963], 386)
I guess, a lot of men didn’t read it, though.
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She was a genius.
I forgot this brilliant paragraph, so thank you for reminding me!
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Men won’t demand (and possibly get) better because those demands will be offensive to some women out there. Once the offense is triggered, all it would take is a internet counter-campaign and painting hateful trolls as the only men’s voices that really matter to shut everything down.
I wouldn’t trust the government to do anything helpful considering that they care more about power than the men and women under them. Congress being 70-something percent men means nothing when they aren’t already doing something to benefit men-as-men. All they can be counted on for is to keep distracting us with abortion, rape, and gay marriage.
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Mommy issues should be discussed in a different thread. Or better yet, with your own therapist.
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so feminist backlash against men speaking out against oppression is a “mommy issue”. heh, so much great support, I totally feel comfortable discussing the ways I feel systematically oppressed with you now <_<…
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Do you always have to ask twice to get a simple answer to a simple question? Nobody cares about your immature childish pouting here. I was addressing grown men who are prepared to take their lives into their own hands, not whiny little boys. I have zero interest in discussing anything with illiterate idiots like you.
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so if I’m single with no kids than clearly none of the problems in my life are caused by institutional oppression unless I’m a woman. Good to know I shouldn’t waste time with interfacing with feminists who claim to be all about “helping everybody”.
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I never claimed to help the brain-dead. I don’t have the necessary medical qualifications.
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Hey, am I still banned. It seems you could use another male voice instead of just David, 😉
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