HR, Who Else?

So, as you know, the university’s President spoke to us at length about the budget crisis in the sate of Illinois. He showed us the budget and went through it line by line.

“Please ask me questions now,” he said at the end. “I will answer every question you have.”

A chirpy person approached the mic.

“I’m from HR,” she announced happily.

“Oy,” I thought. “Something really bad is coming.”

And, of course, I was right.

“If, as you say, it costs us so much to maintain all these buildings, classrooms, labs, the library, the Science Building, etc.,” the HR person said, “then why don’t we shut this whole thing down!”

“Erm. . . I’m not sure I know what you mean,” the President said.

“Well, we could just shift the operations entirely online!” the HR person exclaimed with the joy of a person who just discovered the cure for cancer.

“No, we are not going to do that,” the President responded, looking scared. “The value of face-to-face education is. . . enormous. There is no likelihood of us giving up our mission to provide quality in-person education. . . This is just not happening!”

The teaching faculty applauded.