In fact, my life has been a litany of missed and misunderstood romantic looks. There was the New Year’s Eve party in which repeated, prolonged glances from a woman only made me exasperatedly respond “What?!” There was the time I dropped off a coworker at 5AM and, when she cocked her head and asked me if I wanted to come in, I obliviously said “No, it’s late, I’m gonna’ go home and sleep.” I’ve even had a woman analyze my hopelessness at the end of an evening: “yeah, there were a couple of times that were perfect for you to kiss me… but you didn’t.”

It’s as if I were absent the day everyone else got their Romantic Moments 101 Handbook. Once during grad school, we had our last class at the professor’s house. There, over beer and talk of the sublime, I kept glancing at another student, who kept meeting my gaze in return and smiling. When class was done, we said farewell on the street and—while she stood next to her boyfriend, mind you—she looked intensely at me, with an expression you might describe as…. pleading? Apparently I was supposed to do or say something so that we could… what? Meet later so she could cheat on her boyfriend? I have precisely no idea.

OK, just to help a person out amongst all this television-induced confusion: all of these “meaningful looks” are nothing but a fantasy. Women are not ciphers in need of analysis. Women can and do transmit their sexual desires just as well as men can and do. And please, save me the sermon about societal conventions. I have seen a woman from a rabidly conservative, virginity-obsessed family sit for 6 hours outside a man’s apartment in biting cold because she wanted him so much. I’ve seen a fundamentalist Christian woman drop everything and hop on a plane that would take her across the country to spend the night with her ex. I’ve seen a timid housewife dump her husband, drop 60 pounds, transform her entire life, and start hunting a guy with the single-minded determination of a drone.

So if you feel like you need to analyze glances and figure out clues, I have a very simple explanation for you: She’s just not that into you. And when she is, no guessing and wondering will be needed.

I’m taking the time to respond to this rambling and strange post for one simple reason. The post is based on a very serious misconception that many men – even good, normal men – seem to share. The misconception is that women transmit their feelings and desires indirectly and that in order to get laid men need to decipher women’s intentions. And this way of thinking is a road straight to Rapist Land.

The post ends with the following words:

And I guess that’s why Don Draper is the perfect anti-hero. You can tell he’s an awful person, but you’re still jealous of his prowess. He would have known what those looks meant, would have known the next move to make—and he would have done it, too.

I have no idea who this Don Draper is but I have a suggestion for the post’s author. And I’m a real person, by the way, not a cartoon character, so maybe what I say is a little more real.

The next time you wonder about “the next move to make”, stop and maybe let the woman make the move first. Being desired and being shown that you are desired is a very good, pleasant feeling.

Of course, the common excuse that I hear from men who can’t wrap their heads around the idea of relaxing and letting women show desire for them is that “This way I will never get any sex.” This idea is completely wrong and misguided and I sincerely wish these guys got out more and watched less TV. I’m a woman who is not interested in any sex that is not initiated by me. That’s my sexual scenario, that’s who I am. And my greatest problem was finding men who would give me time and space to exhibit my sexual interest. By time and space I don’t mean days. I don’t even mean hours. OK, I barely even mean minutes. I would always see men who would begin to beg and push and cajole and whine for sex immediately. They would even do it when it was obvious that this went completely against their own sexual scenario, that they suffered and hated doing it, and that they were not prepared for any actual sex.

And then there was a sad group of men who were so brain-washed by TV shows and magazines that they would break down almost in tears and ask, “Please, just tell me already what your game is. Why are you saying all these things about me being beautiful and desirable? Just tell me what you want already because this is so confusing that I’m going out of my mind.”

So my suggestion is: men, relax. Breathe in deep. You are absolutely not missing any opportunities by not deciphering something correctly or not begging often enough. To the contrary, when you remember that you deserve to be desired and shown that you are desired clearly and honestly, you open up for yourself many opportunities for honest communication and great sex.

And, by the way, the person who says things like

I’ve even had a woman analyze my hopelessness at the end of an evening: “yeah, there were a couple of times that were perfect for you to kiss me… but you didn’t.”

is a manipulative, passive-aggressive creep. Good for you that you didn’t get involved with this freakazoid because if you had, you’d spend the next few years endlessly bullied into second-guessing your every move. Also, what’s with allowing people to talk to you in such disrespectful ways? That just isn’t right.

The Guardian printed an excerpt from a letter Hawking sent to conference organizers in which he said: “I have received a number of emails from Palestinian academics. They are unanimous that I should respect the boycott. In view of this, I must withdraw from the conference. Had I attended, I would have stated my opinion that the policy of the present Israeli government is likely to lead to disaster.”

I totally wish he would have attended and said what he was planning to say. Somebody who is likely to be heard should be saying this. Israel is moving fast towards disaster and even though I don’t believe that nationalistic / narcissistic rage can be stopped before playing out, at least somebody needs to be trying.

Imagine a crowd of academics getting on a stage one by one at a conference in Israel and saying, “This is a beautiful country, and it is very painful to me to see it moving towards disaster. Please stop.” And each academic could finish with a powerful quote on nationalism, imagined communities, etc.

No, that wouldn’t work either. But it would be powerful activism.

OK, I need to stop reading my blogroll because the creepiness continues. I just stumbled across a very poorly written and rambling post titled “The Cleveland Kidnapping: Fifty Shades of BDSM“:

One of the conundrums of those who engage in BDSM or “lifestyle” related activities is because of the “stigma” usually associated with those engaging in such activities; many people will not publicly acknowledge those activities or their involvement. This is the true tragedy of situations like this because things like this happen not only because no one acted – namely the police department. They also happen because secrets are kept and people don’t speak.

The author seems to be saying that the real tragedy here is the stigma experienced by practitioners of BDSM. Yes, totally, that’s precisely what is so tragic about the whole situation. The idea that rape happens because rapists choose to rape seems to be alien to this weirdo. No, it’s all about “secrets” and 50 Shades of Grey.

And it also bugs me to no end when people refer to the Cleveland tragedy as “inspirational.” (Like in this article on DailyKos). People were tortured and debased for a decade. To use their pain as an inspirational message is disgusting.

Yeah, there is always value to be squeezed out of other people’s suffering.

And look how the article begins:

In all the heartbreaking amazement of the transfixing story coming out of Cleveland, Ohio. . .

Sounds like a commercial for a sappy Hollywood flick. I wonder, if the article’s author had been a victim of this crime, would she refer to it as an amazing and transfixing story? You read the first line and it seems like something totally cool has happened.

The way the Cleveland tragedy is reported is seriously creeping me out.

From an article in USA Today:

Israel Lugo said he, his family and neighbors called police three times between 2011 and 2012 after seeing disturbing things at the home of Ariel Castro. Lugo lives two houses down from Castro and grew suspicious after neighbors reported seeing naked women on leashes crawling on all fours behind Castro’s house. . . A third call came from neighborhood women who lived in an apartment building. Those women told Lugo they called police because they saw three young girls crawling on all fours naked with dog leashes around their necks. Three men were controlling them in the backyard. The women told Lugo they waited two hours but police never responded to the calls.

OK, there are two possibilities here and neither of them is good. One possibility is that these people never saw anything nor made any phone calls and are now simply milking the story for attention and/or money. The second possibility is even more disturbing. These folks really saw what they claim they saw but didn’t care enough to do anything other than make a half-hearted call or two to the police. (“He, his family and neighbors” just made 3 calls? This entire crowd of people got together and managed to make just 3 calls between all of them? This sounds bizarre.)

If you saw what is being described in this horrifying quote, would you just give up and forget the whole thing after TWO HOURS? And then do what, go about your business like nothing happened?

Elsie Cintron, who lives three houses away, said her daughter once saw a naked woman crawling on her hands and knees in the backyard several years ago and called police. “But they didn’t take it seriously,” she said.

This disgusting viper of a woman forgets to mention that while “they” didn’t take it seriously, neither, apparently, did she. She probably thinks it is a good thing that her daughter should see naked women crawling around. Hey, it brightens up an otherwise dull day, and if “they” don’t take it seriously, then why should she have a brain of her own? She never received any authorization from “them” to have opinions.

Just imagine this conversation:

“Mamma, I just saw a naked woman crawling on her hands and knees in Castro’s backyard. I called the police but they didn’t take me seriously.”

“Oh well. I guess she’s supposed to be crawling there then.” Yawn. “Just forget it, honey. I’m sure she will crawl away soon. Come inside and I’ll show you my new bathroom towels and we’ll discuss that sale at JC Penney’s.”

I’m now not surprised that this horror went on for years in that Cleveland neighborhood. The people who live there are all extremely weird and not particularly human. The really scary thing is that these neighbors don’t have a problem with revealing their names and showing their faces. So they probably don’t even see anything wrong with the story they are telling. Can you believe this? They feel no responsibility for this. They see themselves like small children who tried telling Mommy and Daddy what happened and saw no reason to engage with the situation on an adult level.

God save us all from this kind of neighbors. Who has any doubt that these freakazoids go to church and pray and consider themselves good, kind people? If I were complicit in something like this out of laziness, indifference or immaturity, I don’t think I would be able to live with myself. These jerkwads seem completely content with themselves. Adult people drawl, “But I tried!” and don’t see that trying counts for shit. It’s actually making something happen that is needed, not childish “trying.” And then we wonder why my students insist to be celebrated for making 200 mistakes as a result of “trying hard.” Well, if adults think it’s OK to allow atrocities to happen next door as long as they “tried,” how can we be surprised?

What is it that makes people so infantilized, so incapable of taking any responsibility for their own actions, so eager to play the role of helpless infants?

I am absolutely appalled right now. What the Castros did is horrifying. But the realization that an entire neighborhood was complicit in what they did is even more horrifying. If there were a single – I don’t even want to say good person – just a single adult living in the area, this would all have stopped years ago.

Of course, now we will hear a lot of dumping on the police officers (who surely deserve that and more), but no condemnation of the vile freakazoids who saw women being brutalized and turned away indifferently. They forgot that the job of being human cannot be relegated to the authorities.

LAKE CITY, AR (KAIT)– The Riverside School district has decided not to have a 6^th grade graduation this year after a parent protested against prayer during the ceremony.

Local mom Kelly Adams presents the case for allowing prayer:

“As Christians and a mainly Christian town I think, there were a lot of people hurt that our rights were taken away,” Adams said.

“My daughter graduated last year from 6^th grade and my son is graduating this year from 6^th grade, and we had a pastor open our ceremony and my daughter actually closed the ceremony in prayer,” she said.

Both parents are being idiots about this. Does parent #1 seriously think that his or her child will be damaged for life by this prayer? Does parent #2 think her kid will be damaged for life by lack of it?

Instead of letting their children study peacefully, these folks create a tense, unpleasant situation out of what should be a happy occasion. And all for what? To make everybody see that they care about their stupid ideology more than they do about their kids?

I believe that school prayer is a violation of the Constitution of the US and should be fought against. There are, however, millions of ways to combat it without involving 12-year-old kids. Their graduation is supposed to be about them, about celebrating their achievement, not about their parents’ ideology.

If these parents can’t see that their children are separate people with their own separate interests on this occasion, do you believe they can make the distinction in other areas of the children’s lives?

A well-known Hispanist who is also a Chair of a big department wants to quote me extensively in her article. However, my article, that was accepted for publication last October still hasn’t appeared in print, so she can’t put page numbers in her article.

Finally, somebody who is not my friend or acquaintance wants to quote me, and here is what happens. On the other hand, even my yet unpublished work is valuable to people, so that’s a consolation, in part.

I wonder, do people who want to curtail reproductive rights realize that one of the side effects of a pregnancy is damage to teeth and gums? And  that 70% of women suffer from this? And that women whose teeth and gums were not in the best condition before pregnancy suffer really extensive damage? And that if this damage is not treated immediately it can result in serious sickness and infect the fetus?

I’m now undergoing hours and hours of dental work because I have had the Jewish luck to inherit both bad gums and bad teeth from my parents. The teeth just crumble away between one visit and the next, and a team of 5 dental specialists is working on me for hours during each visit. And I keep wondering what is it that women who aren’t fortunate to have a good dental insurance and the cash to pay for what the insurance is not covering are supposed to do if they are forced to carry a pregnancy against their will?

It is quite obvious, too, that people with poor teeth are also more likely to have no dental insurance and no cash, isn’t it?

I made a choice to get pregnant, so I’m living with the consequences of that choice and that’s fine by me. But how can anybody remove the choice but leave the responsibility? This makes zero sense. If you want to make such choices for people, then take responsibility, too. I will still consider you a sick freakazoid, but at least there will be some logic to your actions.

Gestational gingivitis and the resulting periodontal disease have been shown to cause fetus damage, miscarriage and premature birth. I’m guessing that, in their passionate worry for the welfare of fetuses, the anti-choicers propose that all pregnant women receive free dental coverage, right? I’ll post a link to such a proposal on their part the moment I find it. Or the moment hell freezes over, which will happen much sooner.

If there is one thing that can make anybody pro-choice, it is being pregnant as a result of one’s own choice.

Also: I obviously can’t take any pain-killers, so it’s best not to annoy me right now.

God, I hate hypocrites. How disgusting is it that the leading progressive news outlet should go on this holier-than-thou preachy rant that any fundamentalist would envy:

Family values? Mark Sanford cheated on his wife, and only when caught admitted that he had done so with a “handful” of women, over the course of his marriage.

Honesty? In addition to his wife, Sanford lied to his staff and his constituents, when he claimed he would be hiking the Appalachian Trail, but was actually in Argentina with his mistress.

Personal responsibility? Sanford was a governor, and while hiking the Appalachian Trail in Argentina with his mistress, he could not be reached by either his family or his staff.

Integrity? Sanford soon will appear in court for allegedly trespassing in the home of his now ex-wife, the woman to whom he was married when he was hiking the Appalachian Trail in Argentina with his mistress.

Since when do progressives police people’s sex lives? Hello?

You can hate Sanford’s politics all you want but you have got to love your principles more than you hate Sanford. It is either OK to impose ultra-religious morality on people and judge their professional performance on the basis of their morals or it isn’t. If we criticize Christian schools for firing teachers who have sex outside of marriage, then how can we possibly criticize voters for not punishing a politician running for secular office in a secular country for not upholding a strict Christian code of behavior? Even Jesus abstained from this exaggerated, prissy outrage about anybody’s mistress, by the way.

The most hilarious thing about the article is how it ends:

Sanford also is a hypocrite, having during his previous tenure in Congress voted to impeach President Clinton for his personal behavior. But to Sanford’s supporters, both in South Carolina and elsewhere, hypocrisy clearly doesn’t matter.

It is very cute when people whose hypocrisy makes such a blatant show of itself accuse others of being hypocritical.

Come on, folks, if we can’t just keep to criticizing politicians for their voting record and have to resort to rummaging in their underwear, then shame on us.

So we will be starting a college fund. Relatives and friends will be encouraged to contribute to it in lieu of gifts. I don’t think children need a thousand cuddly bears and a million toy cars. We don’t have space for them, anyways. Of course, Sister will be immune from this request because one simply does not get between Sister and her gift-giving.

When the young gentleman turns 18, he will get his college fund. He’ll get it irrespective of whether he chooses to go to college. If he prefers to use the money to start a business, take a trip to Europe, rent an apartment in Paris, or buy a Harley-Davidson, that’s up to him. If he gets a scholarship to college, he can have both college and a Harley-Davidson. (Harley-Davidson here stands for something I don’t get but don’t feel like judging.)

I think it’s a very good, reasonable plan.