This is a question that has been posted on Feministe.
I find the question to be quite weird, to be honest. People who react to visual (other than, say, verbal) stimuli seem to be singled out here as especially worthy of control. The article quoted in the post seems to narrow the field of pornography even further to videos featuring actors and actresses (as opposed to, say, pornographic cartoons or computer-generated images of human beings.)
This is, of course, nothing but a projection of the controlling partner’s sexuality. The controlling partner does not know how to manage the arousal this particular kind of pornographic material evokes in him or her and is trying to prevent the controlled partner from experiencing the same kind of arousal. The Controller disregards, however, the likelihood that the Controlled might be aroused by a completely different set of stimuli.
The interesting issue here is what it is that the Controller actually wants to prevent. What if the Controlled doesn’t watch porn but fantasizes about images s/he saw in the past while masturbating to the fantasy? What if the fantasy / masturbation takes place not to a set of visual images but to pornographic readings? What if it is a result of reading a completely PG-13 novel and getting aroused? Human sexuality is complex and it is ridiculous to believe that only a very small segment of pornographic material will produce arousal. What if there is no fantasy / masturbation but the partner has powerful sexual dreams about readings / images / other people? What if the partner gets aroused whenever s/he sees a cucumber? Or hears a particular song or sound? What if the participants in a porn video look like human beings but are actually computer-generated images? Is it OK to watch such videos?
In short, how does the Controller transmit his or her objections to “pornography” to the Controlled? There is such a variation in what might trigger sexual fantasies that I don’t think anybody could create an exhaustive description of what kind of fantasies s/he doesn’t want the partner to have that would not sound completely psychotic.
As a result, we can conclude that the question that gave the title to this post cannot be answered. If this question is one you ask yourself, I suggest finding responses to the auxiliary questions I offered here. This will help you figure out what it is that actually bothers you about pornography.
There is nothing more engrossing than self-discovery. Instead of the “I am who I am and who cares why?” attitude that informs the linked article, I propose an approach that can result in interesting revelations about oneself.
I personally believe that anybody is entitled not to be in a relationship with anybody else for absolutely any reason. However, if one chooses to continue a relationship, any attempts at controlling that person are abusive, wrong, and highly aggressive. To illustrate, if you find it unacceptable that a person should peel a soft-boiled egg on the pointy side, you are absolutely entitled to stop seeing this person. However, if you continue the relationship and structure it around the endless, “Here you go again peeling the egg in this intolerable way,” “How many times did I ask you not to. . . ,” “Are you sure you didn’t peel any eggs in my absence? And what if I look in the trash?”, then you have a serious problem that it is your duty to resolve.
P.S. The answers to the question on Feministe demonstrate such a lack of basic sexual literacy that one loses all hope for humanity.
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