Addictions don’t destroy people. They come to people who have already been destroyed. The greater is the destroyed part of one’s personality, the heavier the addiction.
The only way of curing the addiction is through rebuilding the destroyed aspects of the addict’s individuality. As it gets rebuilt, it will push out the addiction.
And it bears repeating that anybody who uses the words “will-power” and “self-control” in the context of addiction (or actually in any context) should be avoided. These are also damaged people. Not as damaged as addicts but definitely seriously wounded.
Clarissa's Blog 
I’m not of the view that all problems are in one’s head though. One of the most difficult parts of my life was in trying to come to terms with the fact that a lot of significant people in my life didn’t consider me human. I wasn’t permitted to have normal, human reactions to anything, like great loss, great violation of my psychological integrity or invasion of my personal space. I was being tossed on the scrap heap so that others could maintain as semblance of respectability. Once you remove the external pressure, you can set the person free.
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You provided the perfect description of the destruction I’m talking about.
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Oh, how so? I was referring to misogyny.
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Misogyny is experienced by everyone yet most people don’t respond to it with alcoholism or drug addiction. Addiction is a response that only some people give.
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Ok, it sounds extremely cryptic. Misogyny is also experience by men? By everyone? And some people are already destroyed inwardly by something mysterious, but not allegedly ubiquitous like misogyny? It makes no sense, not unless you explain it better.
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You’ve been reading my blog for a while and you really find it mystifying which destruction I’m talking about? 🙂
Addicts are created by their parents, of course, who stomp out their individuality. Then a drug steps into the void.
Addicts are men and women. This is very much not a gender-specific issue.
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Ok, but I was talking about something else, as I recall. Something to do with horrifying experiences and the possibility of their renewal. now I may have been handicapped in this conversation through not having had an actual addiction, much as I like to have had all experiences. Perhaps, if I think back, I have had different coping strategies, but never precisely an addiction. I have a genetic inclination to stay consciously aware of very difficult situations even when they cause me extreme pain. It would seem to me that I have a very strong mind and a proportionally weak body. But I have also found that actual, emotional problems can be removed by removing their cause, which is where I may differ with the Freudians. I’m more of a materialist than an idealist.
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“But I have also found that actual, emotional problems can be removed by removing their cause, which is where I may differ with the Freudians.”
– Maybe. I’ve never seen anything like that, but I guess anything is possible.
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A lot of people have never seen anything like I have described. You can tell by the fact that they either ignore my comments or give inept responses, but I suppose a comprehending response could still be possible.
Did, for instance, those interned in concentration camps feel better when they were released from those? One might have to consider the possibility very deeply, but perhaps these oppressive situations merely brought to light an internal sickness, parentally bestowed, which already existed anyway. Having or not having oppressive external circumstances makes no difference anyway. Or not to me.
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“Did, for instance, those interned in concentration camps feel better when they were released from those? ”
– Of course. But from what I hear, their trauma persists for decades after the release. And is then inherited by their children, grandchildren, etc. I know somebody whose parents are Holocaust survivors. She says it has cast a shadow over her life, even though she was born in 1951.
In a similar way, many of the issues I have been trying to resolve in my own life stem from my grandfather’s experiences as a young soldier in WWII. He has been dead for 31 years but we, his children, are still fighting in that war, in a way. Of course, we are massively better off than he is because we don;t have bombs exploding around us, but the trauma is there and it has led us to act in a variety of self-destructive ways.
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ok, but now you are talking very differently and making statements that I can fully agree with, from my own experiences. And all the same, remove the aggressor from my environement and my recovery proceeds in leaps and bounds. But now I will always be a soldier, having processed and managed the upflairs of the past.
To bring us back to our point, though, it certainly ought to make a difference whether one is presently interned in a camp or free from one at the existing moment. I think Marechera saw the (mis)use of Freudian analysis in the same light as I do, when he expessed, sarcastically that the nazis healed the jews and enabled them to sort themselves out. That logic is implicit to any notion that current, existing circumstances do not matter, but rather what matters are the dynamics already present in your head. My assertion, as you will remember, is that they also do matter very much. And if not, then we may as well all sell ourselves into extreme slavery, since this will certainly not harm our mental health.
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“And all the same, remove the aggressor from my environement and my recovery proceeds in leaps and bounds.”
– It’s because you haven’t transplanted the aggressor into your own head. I know this person whose father always told him that he was a loser and an idiot. The father has been dead for 20 years, but that changes nothing because this man is now telling himself he is a loser and an idiot with the diligence the father couldn’t have mastered.
“To bring us back to our point, though, it certainly ought to make a difference whether one is presently interned in a camp or free from one at the existing moment.”
– If the camp stands for abusive parents, no, it often doesn’t. And that’s why this is the hardest problem to solve. They become into internal objects and continue the abuse from inside one’s own brain.
“That logic is implicit to any notion that current, existing circumstances do not matter, but rather what matters are the dynamics already present in your head.”
– That is my experience, yes. But only in what pertains to the formative experiences of our lives. Everything that happens in adulthood can be managed. But these early formative experiences cannot be escaped by means of physical distance. I tried. I emigrated twice. The result was non-existent.
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No, no, no. The camp always stands for itself. It is what it is. Absolute horror. The question is: does it’s removal make any difference to one’s recovery? An idealist, working in the Freudian vein, will say no. Leave it in place and resolve your “issues”, which are yours alone to resolve. You will thank us afterwards.
And do you think that my father’s condemnation had no effect on me in terms of how present events can have effects on people? Just because he was a parent did not reduce the horror that he imposed through his behavior. There is no category of immunity reserved for parents in the rational world.
In fact I had to do a lot to keep the aggressor OUT OF my head. I had to take extreme detours in my mind and go somewhere else. Now, in a way, I am still learning to live fully in the present.
But I was always further ahead in rationality and capability than those who would take the line that my external circumstances indicated that there was something internally wrong with me. I take great delight in crushing those people by exposing them to just a few of the pressures I endured and survived.
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“An idealist, working in the Freudian vein, will say no. Leave it in place and resolve your “issues”, which are yours alone to resolve. You will thank us afterwards.”
– I don’t think you will find anybody who suggests leaving people in concentration camps.
“There is no category of immunity reserved for parents in the rational world.”
– The central word here is “rational.” I have seen people go to extreme depths of irrationality in defending the horrors their parents inflicted and were still inflicting upon them. This is the biggest patriarchal taboo of all. For many people it’s easier to self-destruct than to question the parents’ mandate that self-destruction is necessary.
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You will in fact find people IMPLICITLY arguing to leave people in concentration camps, at least in terms of the line of logic they use in the abstract. Your final paragraph above attests to this line of logic being considered quite viable by some degenerate folk.
As for me, I certainly became acquainted with the experience and motif of “destruction”, but every time I felt destruction touching me, I resolved to destroy the certainty of my enemies to at least that degree as well. “Here, have some of your own medicine.”
The majority of people are abject morons who guzzle it down.
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The saddest thing is when these poor zombies begin to argue passionately that “This was done for my own good.” Of course, when I respond, ‘If your mother beat you for your own good, it only makes sense that you give her a thrashing for her own good. Or do you not love her enough?”, people tell me I’m a monster.
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I use that form of reasoning all the time, which is much more logical and consistent. Actually, illogical reasoning hurts me to the soul. I can become extremely emotionally upset when encountering it. So, if someone tacitly approves of how I have been mistreated in the past, I also take this as a tacit concession that they would like me to dole out some similar treatment to them at the nearest opportunity.
You know, I am a good listener.
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correction — “possibility of self-renewal.”
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“Misogyny is experienced by everyone ”
– By everyone I meant all women.
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…although, luckily, extreme misogyny, indeed any misogyny at all, never ever occurs in advanced Western countries. It’s only those highly sensitive cunts who make that sort of shit up in order to villify decent, noble men, who would never do a thing wrong, because they are men.
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But one can’t understand what precisely has been destroyed from the addiction, right?
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These are perhaps the most succinctly insightful words I’ve ever read on the subject of addiction.
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Thank you.
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http://www.theguardian.com/culture/2013/mar/09/russell-brand-life-without-drugs
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“Without these fellowships I would take drugs. Because, even now, the condition persists. Drugs and alcohol are not my problem, reality is my problem, drugs and alcohol are my solution.”
– When a person solves these underlying issues that cause addiction, it goes away forever and they never have to struggle with it on this exhausting “one day at a time” basis. The problem is, however, that often the daily suffering and exertion are the whole point. The addiction is needed to provide a reason to torture oneself.
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There’s a funny image manipulation of Freud saying, ‘before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.’ http://ponderabout.com/archives/3559/self-diagnosis.aspx
Reducing the influence of certain people who see me as a thing they can use for their own purposes or an appendage to their own selves, and not really a person in my own right, has improved my mental health.
I also agree with the post and more particularly the point about will-power. Berating myself for lack of willpower or being weak has done nothing but replicate the way certain people have spoken to me (it was their own belittling voice, speaking in me). This has done nothing but keep me weak and flailing.
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@hkatz
It seems to me that you made a decision(will) to eliminate the negative people in your life along with self negative talk and because of that you became more confident(power). Its amazing how that willpower stuff works. 🙂
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Man, if only negative inner monologue could be banished by an effort of will-power, how cool would that be.
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@Clarissa
Actually its your will power that leads you to do more than just talk to yourself, it leads you to take action. Starts first with your will(decision) to change. And then you become more powerful. You may see will power one way, obviously not everyone does.
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@titfortat
If I eat a delicious steak that gives me the energy to do something physically exerting that I’ve wanted to do ever since my starvation days, is said eating also fueled by willpower?
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@Stille
Are you comparing food(lifesustaining) to a substance that will probably kill you or at least make you very dysfunctional?
But in answer to your question, using this definition, I will say yes, it still is my choice to control the action of whether or not I eat that steak. Though if I was starving it would be pretty damn hard to say no. But no one is saying willpower is easy, right?
will power
noun
control of one’s impulses and actions; self-control.
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“will power
noun
control of one’s impulses and actions; self-control.”
– Just as I said, masochism, self-hatred, etc.
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@Clarissa
So, if I have an impulse to kick in your teeth but I control it, does that make me a masochist with self hatred?
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You don’t have such impulses, though, do you? And if you did, the thing to do is to seek urgent help. Read any book on any serial killer. Every single time, it’s a story of how the killer at first managed to control his impulses. Until one day he couldn’t.
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@Titfortat I am comparing cutting harmful people out of one’s life with lifesustaining food. Seeing how we were talking about hkatz’s actions, I’d have thought this was obvious. Also, I’m not talking about willpower exercised to *not* eat the steak, and I find it rather interesting that you interpreted my comparison in that direction.
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@Stille
Maybe make your comparison more clear next time and I wont have to interpret it. But, being that Im a little thick in the head this morning. How does this comparison of negative people and a steak work?
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lol, not everyday. 😉
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“Berating myself for lack of willpower or being weak has done nothing but replicate the way certain people have spoken to me (it was their own belittling voice, speaking in me). This has done nothing but keep me weak and flailing.”
– EXACTLY. And good for you!!! This is a big victory.
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Thanks. The negative internal monologue has not gone away entirely; it’s insidious. But recognizing it for what it is definitely helps.
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This is what happens when you have a negative internal monologue:
Man’s penis disappears before sex
b y Staff reporter, Bulawayo24news
A Hwange man is experiencing hell on earth as he claims that his
penis disappears when he wants to have sex.
The ‘weapon-less’ man, David Chidombe, is accusing his in-laws of
cursing him. he reportedly failed to pay lobola for his late live-in
girlfriend Primrose Runameso and her family allegedly cursed him.
David’s brother, Anthony, said his brother lived with the late woman
for three good years and during that time, the two never ‘officialised’
their relationship.
“My brother lived with Runameso from 2009 and we used to tell them
to formalise their relationship but they never listened. In 2011, the
woman fell pregnant and she died when she was giving birth. We
really had a hard time in locating her family. When we told her aunt
about Runameso’s death, she distanced herself and gave us
directions to the woman’s home in Makwa,” he narrated.
Anthony revealed that they went to the village in the company of
elders top break the sad news.
“The woman’s father is a traditional healer and when we got to their home it seemed they already knew that
we were coming. Runameso’s brothers were fuming and wanted to beat up my brother. He was saved by
neighbours but the men chased him away from their homestead saying they wanted to talk to elders only.
Runameso’s father is told the elders that his daughter died because my brother ill-treated her and as a
result she died a bitter person,” added Anthony.
The elders are said to have begged the family to accept what had happened resulting in the Runamesos
demanding eight herd of cattle.
“We only managed to ferry the body to the rural home and buy food. When we told them that we did not
have money or cattle to give them, they chased us away and we never attended the burial,” said the
brother.
The sangoma and his children allegedly told David that he was going to suffer. Anthony said after a few
months his brother revealed that he tried to have sex with several women but his penis would always
‘disappear’.
“We then visited a traditional healer who told us that his in-laws were behind that and he should apologise
by giving them what they had demanded. We do not have money and we have been to prophets and
traditional healers, but they all failed to help,” he said.
When reached for comment, David revealed that that since the death of his live-in girlfriend, he has never
had sex because his anaconda keeps on disappearing.
“All I need is someone who can save me because death is better than what I am going through,” he said.
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ok, so maybe I missed the point of this post. It is about not using will power to push out of your messed up state.
I would say, though, that I was not advised to use more will power as such, but something more attuned to the sterotype of my gender: “Don’t be so sensitive.” And I was told this again and again, which made me wonder. I thought I had to adjust the instrument of my mind to a level where I would not feel anything. That would have accommodated the advice I was being given.
But in fact, to put it in First World terms, what I had to cope with was an ex-soldier suffering from PTSD, screaming at me all manner of abuse and put-downs and manhandling me at times, with no concern for my well-being. So people were asking me not to be sensitive to THAT
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ok, so maybe I missed the point of this post. It is about not using will power to push out of your messed up state.
I would say, though, that I was not advised to use more will power as such, but something more attuned to the sterotype of my gender: “Don’t be so sensitive.” And I was told this again and again, which made me wonder. I thought I had to adjust the instrument of my mind to a level where I would not feel anything. That would have accommodated the advice I was being given.
But in fact, to put it in First World terms, what I had to cope with was an ex-soldier suffering from PTSD, screaming at me all manner of abuse and put-downs and manhandling me at times, with no concern for my well-being. So people were asking me not to be sensitive to THAT, which took a lot of doing. I really thought the people around me must have had fireproof asbestos for skin, as they were telling me that this was normal and that I could no longer enjoy the high life were I was protected from such ordinary behavior.
I tried to be tougher and more reslient, but actually not having my father in my company was the solution that eventually allowed me to see reality as it was, without all the mirrors deflecting blame onto me.
For a while though, it was very confusing — being told to “toughen up”, but then when I used language which was a very toned down version of that which my father had been using to me, finding people shrink in fear and demand the opposite to what they had been requiring of me before.
No, no, no, they didn’t believe in taking it on the chin or persisting without complaint at all. They now thought it would be desirable for me to behave in the opposite manner to what they were telling me.
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See what I mean? This is totally bizzare. I am talking about my experiences here and for some reason at least one person cannot take this. They want to downvote an experience. i wish they would stand up and speak for themselves. Perhaps they have never had any experiences of their own and so are hostile to them. Or they downvote the fact that some of my experiences were not as pleasant as they might have been. In which case, thank you!
But I do see it as a sign of severe idiocy to downvote someone’s experiences without explanation. Those are just things that occurred. If you want to reverse history for me, you will need more than a simple thumbs down. Too trite.
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“See what I mean? This is totally bizzare. I am talking about my experiences here and for some reason at least one person cannot take this.”
– There is also a possibility that somebody just doesn’t like you and downvotes anything you say without even reading it. When the great poet Pasternak was hounded in the USSR for his immense talent and non-conformism, some fool wrote in an official letter condemning the poet, “I haven’t read Pasternak’s books but I condemn them anyway.” This has become a proverbial saying for anybody who condemns without knowing what it is they condemn.
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They(it is a) are searing asshholes who are welcome to suck on dead dogs dicks until they are fully satisfied with themselves.
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@Muster
I get downvoted all the time. Take it as a compliment that they are at least acknowledging you. 😉
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